Run For Your Love
by BellaEdwardlover1991
Summary: Edward left Bella, she tried things out with Jacob. But things don’t turn out the way they all want, and Bella ends up at college 65 years later. Her life turns upside down, and she has to run. Will they have an eternity together? NOT A TYPICAL ENDING! AU
1. Chapter 1: Life at the Campus

**Chapter 1: Life at the Campus.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight's characters. I just use them for my stories. **

**Sorry this chapter is short, but it's only the intro. After this the chapters will be longer.**

"Izzie! Iz! Isabella!!" I opened my eyes.

"What?" I groaned.

Anna raised an eyebrow. "You had your 'nightmare' again."

I sighed. "Yes, I know."

Even though I was a vampire, I had found a certain state of unconsciousness that looked a lot like sleeping. The only bad thing was that I had the same nightmare that kept returning every time I was 'sleeping'.

"I still don't understand why you would do such thing as sleeping." Anna snorted. "You can't even sleep."

I smiled. "Well, this is close enough. I still hear everything, though. I am constantly aware of everything around me. It's just better this way. I like to keep myself as human as possible."

Anna smiled too. "I know. And I'm glad you let me and the others join you in your non-human-blood diet."

I shrugged. "Why wouldn't I? It's not like I am the one who discovered it."

Anna sighed, and got up from her bed. We were sharing this beautiful room, together with Andrea, the English vampire.

I got up too. "Are you going to hunt?"

"Yes. The thirst is annoying me."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Though I can control it much better now, I think."

Only a few minutes later we were running through the forest around Yale.

Anna was the only one of the vampires I was comfortable with during the hunt. I never let anyone else around me because I was too afraid to hurt them.

Anna was the first one I met during my trip through Europe. There I met my current friends: Marc from France, Andrea from England, Paolo from Italy and Anna from Holland.

We weren't really a coven, we were more like friends hanging out together. They chose to be with me, I didn't ask them to.

Apperently they liked me.

When I was finished, I looked for Anna. She just came back, walking too fast to be human.

"We have to go back before everyone is on the move to class." I said, and she nodded. Together we ran back, just in time to see Andrea coming back too.

"Hi girls." We smiled back.

"Did you have a good hunt?" She asked. I nodded. "Good. Time to prepare for English class."

Anna groaned. "Ugh. I hate this. Each and every day is exactly the same like all the others! I don't want to spend the rest of my life this way!"

"Trust me, this is better than anything else." I said bitterly. Both girls looked at me, but they didn't say a thing. From the beginning I had asked them to ignore my moodswings.

They didn't ask questions either. They both found out living with me was much easier that way. I didn't want to think about my past. It hurt too much, even now, after 65 years.

I changed into the clothes Andrea picked for me; she was the one who knew the most about fashion, so she always picked our clothes too. I put my hair in a ponytail, and went to our kitchen. There were the others waiting for me. We smiled, and left the room to go to our class.

It was a routine, the way the day passed. Waking up, prepare for class, English, Maths, Biology, lunch time (though we always pretended to be busy, so we hadn't time to eat), Music and History. Then I left for the library, together with Marc, to do my homework. After that we went to one of our rooms to hang out together. When everyone went to bed, we went to go hunting, sometimes we hunted all night. Depended how much fun we had. After that, we waited for the next day to come.

Each and every day was the same, Anna was right about that. But I knew that that was better than traveling, because that reminded me of my past. The things that could have been.

"Iz?" I looked up, surprised.

Marc smiled at me. "Sorry to interrupt your thoughts, but class is finished."

I nodded, but I didn't return his smile. He sighed. "One of your moods again?" I shrugged, and he knew enough. He didn't say a word to me the entire night.

When we were near our room after studying, he held my arm.

"Iz, you know what the others will say. They don't like your moods, and they don't know how to deal with them like I do. So if you want to avoid another fight, you better put on a smile." He said, looking me straight in the eye. His golden eyes never mesmerized me, not the way Edward's did. I shivered, but put on one of my sweetest smiles.

Marc sighed. "They'll see through it, but it's better than nothing." He swung the door open, allowing me inside.

"Izzie!" Andrea and Anna screeched at the same time. I laughed when they both ran to me, and hugged me tightly.

"There are two new vampires at this school, did you know that! I crossed their scent just 15 minutes ago!" Anna said.

I raised my eyebrows. "Well, I guess we'll meet them eventually."

Andrea laughed. "I told you she would say that! Ha ha! Well, can we go shopping tomorrow?"

Anna and I agreed, the boys decided to stay home.

I sighed. Maybe these two new people could bring some excitement in our lives.

_I wish I hadn't said that…_

**So, what did you think?**


	2. Chapter 2: Shopping Trip

**Chapter 2: Shopping Trip**

**Sorry it took me so long! I finished my first fanfic, updated my second one a lot, and then I got sidetracked by lots of things (like Midnight Sun) and then my wrist was injured, but here it is!**

**Enjoy!**

That night I tried to avoid Andrea. Her happy talk about our shopping trip today was depressing me. Somehow I never got over my aversion against shopping.

When we were dressing for school, Andrea couldn't stop talking about what she would be looking for this afternoon.

" I want you to wear blue, Izzie. You never wear that and I'm sure that it looks great on you!"

I sighed, getting irritated. " There is a reason I don't want to wear blue, Andrea. I don't want to wear it and you won't be able to talk me into it!"

" What's the reason?"

I gulped, trying to hold myself together. " It reminds me too much of my past." I whispered.

I shivered at the thought of it. It was true; I never wore blue because I knew Edward liked that color. And I didn't want to think about Edward.

Andrea tried to catch my eye, but I ignored it and kept looking down.

"Ouch!" I said, stepping away from her when she pulled my hair.

She smiled and shrugged." Sorry, your hair doesn't want to listen to me. Today you're going to look stunning! "

I sighed. " Fine, are you done yet? I don't want to be late today."

Anna entered my room. " Are you done? Let's go." She said and Andrea let me go.

Before we left, I looked at myself in the mirror.

I gasped when I saw what she had done. Somehow she had pulled my hair up, and it curled beautifully around my face and down to my shoulders. I never looked so… beautiful, so inhuman before.

" Andrea, what have you done?" I whispered in shock.

She just smiled at me. " Trust me, you'll like it at the end of the day."

I raised an eyebrow. " How do you know? I am blocking your power."

Like Alice, she could see the future, only it was less powerful. Unlike Alice, she could only see what would happen _this_ day. So it was barely seeing the future.

My power was easy: I could block everyone else's power. Even Anna's power, shape shifting, didn't work on me. She could easily change Andrea's looks, but she couldn't do it with mine.

In the beginning, it made me wonder if Jasper still would be able to control my feelings.

But now, I didn't care anymore.

She shrugged. " This has nothing to do with my power. I am going arrange some things today, and I know that you'll like it!"

_Somehow this made__ me feel uncomfortable.. _

At the end of the day, I skipped my study session with Marc and went directly to the car. Anna and Andrea were both waiting for me.

" Come on, Iz! Hurry! We're going to be late!"

I giggled. " Andrea, the stores are open for more than three hours! We have plenty of time left!"

" No, Iz! Three hours is barely enough for what I've planned!" She said, bouncing.

_Why did this girl remind me of Alice?_

I groaned lightly, only loud enough for Anna to hear. She laughed, and we both rolled our eyes.

" Go, go, go!" Andrea hissed and pushed us in her car.

I laughed and jumped into it, followed by Anna, who was laughing too. My phone beeped, and I pulled it out of my pocked.

I received a text message from Marc.

_Good luck, we hope you survive!_

I giggled and showed Anna what he sent to me. She laughed too, causing Andrea to look behind her suspiciously.

We kept our faces smooth all the way to the stores, but Anna and I didn't look at each other.

I knew that we would burst out laughing if we did.

When Andrea parked the car, I was happy that we would have to do things at human speed. Shopping was already a bad thing this way. If we would do it at vampire speed it would be my worst nightmare.

Andrea seemed more eager to go shopping than usual. I wondered why that was, and what was that thing that she had arranged?

"Come on, Izzie! Annie! Let's go!" Anna sighed, and I bit my lip to hold my laughter.

We entered the first store. I immediately noticed that this was not _my_ store. There were only dresses and they were pretty expensive too.

" Why are we here?" I asked, afraid of the answer.

" We need dresses for the next ball, remember? It's only two weeks away! I went to this store a few times but I couldn't find the right thing, so I went back each time to see if they have something I like. And…"

I stopped listening to what she was saying. I started to look around.

Andrea went immediately to the sales woman. I heard her heartbeat accelerate when she saw Andrea coming. She obviously remembered her from the previous visits.

Anna walked over to me. " Iz, how are we going to survive this?"

I shrugged. " Just go along with things, I guess…"

" Except for the colour blue, right?"

I nodded, and she smiled. " And you're not going to tell me what happened in the past that you hate the colour?"

I winced when she said that, but somehow I knew that I had to answer this question.

" I don't _hate_ the colour. It's more that it reminds me of my past, and not in a good way."

I said hesitantly.

She looked as if she wanted to say something. But then she stiffened, her eyes wide.

" No!" She said quietly.

Then I smelled it too. There were other vampires in this store. I shivered, and tried not to pay attention.

Though the smell became stronger, and somehow it was familiar.

Like I knew this person.

Then I stiffened when I heard the too familiar voice behind me, and I knew why the scent was so familiar.

" _Bella?" _

**That was it for today! I hope you liked it :) **

**I think the next update will be sooner, but I can't promise anything. **

**Tell me what you think!**


	3. Chapter 3: Ghosts of a Past Life

**Chapter 3: Ghosts of a Past Life.**

**Sorry it took me so long to write this! I've tried a few times, but my wrist is injured again so typing hurt. That's why I didn't write before. But I felt so guilty, that I decided to ignore the painshots in my wrist to write this chapter. **

**I hope you like it! You might want to re-read the last chapter, because you probably don't remember what happened in there.**

I turned around, with a fake smile put on my face.

I didn't want to see this person. I didn't want to talk to this person, but I knew I couldn't avoid it.

"Hi, Alice." I said softly, wincing slightly when I remembered the last time I saw her.That was on my 18th birthdayparty, all those years ago.

She hadn't changed a bit.

Alice gasped when she saw me. Jasper, behind her, was trying to sense my feelings. I could feel it against my block, and I smiled at him too.

"Hello, Jasper. How are you?" I said when I saw the shock on his face.

"Bella! What are you doing here?" Alice said breathlessly.

I shrugged. "Shopping, what else?"

"No, I meant why… how… You're… _one of us_!" Alice said, searching for words.

I shrugged again. "Yes, I know. Can you tell me something I don't know?"

I couldn't hide the irritation in my voice, and I knew all too well that Jasper was desperately trying to find a way through my block. But I was not a newborn vampire, and I never was in the beginning.

Because I wanted to be a vampire so badly, and my aversion agains human blood was so huge, I could resist humans from the beginning. It was very easy for me, and Anna told me that I was probably the strongest vampire because I was able to do that.

"Jasper, can you please stop that? It's getting annoying and it won't work anyway." I said, trying to hold my laughter when Alice and Jasper exchanged a shocked look.

"Izzie, are you okay?" Anna came from behind.

"Yeah, Ann, I'm fine. I know these people… from my past…" I trailed off, looking at Anna with pleading eyes.

"The past you don't want to talk about, right? Did these people hurt you?" She asked.

Her eyes were friendly, but the threat behind her words was obvious. I smiled at her to make sure she could see I was okay.

" I can handle this, Ann. But thanks for your concern!" I said, giving her a hug. She hugged me back, and whispered in my ears, so low that nobody but me could hear it: "You know our sign, right? Don't hesitate to use it!"

I nodded and she walked away, giving Alice, Jasper and me some privacy.

We stood there for a moment, looking at each other. Alice and Jasper were trying to find words, I could see it. It was not easy for them, and I knew that.

It was easy for me, though. I had accepted the situation a long time ago, and I knew there was nothing I could do to make it better.

"Bella, why did she call you Izzie?" Alice's voice trembled.

I sighed, expecting this question.

" Because nobody calls me Bella anymore. That is not my name anymore…"

"Why…" She whispered.

"Because Bella died 66 years ago. Now, can you leave me alone? This is not pleasant for you nor me."

Alice looked at me, completely shocked by the coldness in my voice and eyes. She didn't expect me to be like this, and I knew she hadn't seen me in her visions. My blocking power was strong enough, and I could block everyone's power, no matter how strong.

Of course, it was also the other way around. I could also let people in if I wanted to. No doubt Edward would be able to read my mind as soon as I let my block down.

" Alice! There you are!" Andrea chirped.

Alice smiled softly, but she didn't reply. _Alice_ was _silent_. I created a miracle.

I smiled too, knowing that Alice must be flabbergasted, not only shocked but also trying to fit everything in her picture of my life.

Then I realised they were the new vampires at school. She couldn't leave me alone, because we were at the same school. We would see each other very often.

"Iz, I see you met Alice. Jasper, this is Isabella."

"We know each other, Andrea. There's no need to introduce us." Jasper answered, knowing that Alice was still too shocked.

I felt the urge to laugh, but I resisted. This situation was getting more akward with the minute.

"We don't have time to shop with you, Andrea. I'm sorry but we need to leave now." Alice said, almost whispering. She knew that we would be able to hear it anyway.

"Oh, why?" Andrea whined. Seriously, sometimes she was just like a little child.

A child that was 167 years old.

I sighed, and turned around to go to Anna, who was waiting for me with a thousand questions in her eyes.

"Bye, _Izzie_!" I heard Alice. She didn't like the name Izzie, I knew that. She met me as Bella, so I would always be Bella to her.

I relaxed a bit when I couldn't smell Alice's and Jasper's scent anymore.

"Who were that, Iz? And why did they call you Bella?" Anna asked immediately.

"They were Alice and Jasper, two vampires I met when I was still human. I introduced myself as Bella, back then."

"Why don't you have contact with them now you're a vampire?"

"Because it was Jasper's fault I'm here right now."

"What?! Why?"

"Anna, I don't want to talk about this right now. I don't feel very well right now."

"Oh, I get it. You must be just as shocked to see them as they were to see you!"

"Well, no. Yes. No. I don't know!" I sighed, frustrated.

"Last question then, for now. Were they the people you were looking for when you traveled through Europe?"

"They are part of it, yes. There are five more people in the family."

"Family?"

"I thought it was your last question?" I said, teasing Anna a bit. I was trying so hard to hold myself together right now, it was hard for me to talk about this.

"Oh, Izzie! You can't say that and leave me without me being able to ask why!"

"Well, they aren't a coven. They love each other too much for that. They are really protective of the ones they love. They are closer than you can imagine…" I trailed off when I realised that there were silent sobs about to slip through my control.

"Listen, Anna. I'm going home. Tell Andrea I'm sorry. I'll call you as soon as possible!" I said, giving a surprised Anna a big hug.

"When you mean home, you don't mean back to the campus, do you?"

" No, I'm going _home_. Back to Forks. It's time to pay my house a little visit." I smiled weakly.

"Is it because of those vampires?" Anna whispered.

"Yes. I can't be around them. I'm sorry. I'm going home. I'll contact you soon." I repeated.

So, I did the only thing I could think of to avoid Alice and Jasper. I acted like I never would have if I was still human, or if I was still Bella. I did it because I was Izzie now.

I ran away.

**So… I'm going to concentrate on Princess Bella now, I only have one chapter left in there, and an epilogue. ****After that this story will be my #1 priority, but I can't say how soon I'm going to update again. Sorry for that.**

**Tell me what you think! **


	4. Chapter 4: Run, Bella, Run

Chapter 4: Run, Bella

**Chapter 4: Run, Bella. Run.**

**I hope this is good enough for you, guys. I wrote this in a hurry, without any inspiration.**

I went to my apartment immediately when I told Anna that I was going home.

_Home_. I hadn't used that word in years. Not when I meant Forks. I was home where my friends were, no matter on what continent we were.

I started packing on vampire speed. I would take care of the administration later, right now I just wanted to leave.

I was on the edge of falling apart, but I didn't want Anna to know that. I didn't want anyone to know that. They would only be worried.

I didn't expect it at all, to see Alice and Jasper around here. I didn't expect to meet any of the Cullens ever again. Not after all those years, when I tried to find them. I went to Amsterdam, Paris, London and Rome, in that order. Every time when I got a clue, I went to the place I would be able to find at least one of the Cullens.

But I failed in every city. But, the good thing was that in every town I met one of my friends. Anna was the first one, and also the closest friend I had since… Well since Alice.

We traveled around Europe for two years, becoming close friends in that time. I was very surprised that Anna didn't ask questions about my past back then. I was broken, and holding on to something I didn't know I wouldn't be able to have anymore.

When we got a clue that the Cullens were seen in Paris, we ran to Paris even though we were in the eastern part of Germany back then. I was so desperate to find them, that I pushed Anna too far and we almost fought about something she didn't know. But she realised in time that this was the most important thing in my life and that I was able to give my life for it if I would have to.

But that wasn't necessary. I went to Paris and London without any trouble.

But I was glad that I wasn't the only vampire when I arrived in Rome.

When I was in Rome, I met the Volturi, the kings and queens among the vampires.

It was the most scary thing in my life. They wanted me to join them because of my blocking power, or as they called it, shielding power. But I refused, and had to run for my life. Luckily they didn't think I was very important, because I was able to leave with Paolo, one of the vampires that was recruited the same way as I would have been.

His power was making other people invisible. He didn't really make you invisible, he just put the illusion in your head that that person wasn't there. It was very useful for them, but they let him go anyway. They knew they couldn't do anything against the power that tied Andrea and Paolo together.

From the moment they met, they were a couple. Marc, Anna and I were very happy for them, though it hurt me to look at them in the beginning. They made me think of Alice and Jasper. They had the same kind of relationship.

They weren't really obvious in it, though. And even though they married 27 years ago, they were now pretending to be just brother and sister.

I felt the urge to break down and just let the sobs take over me when I thought about my friends. I was going to miss them, like I missed a family member.

I never realised that we became a family after all. Even though we didn't have a father or mother in our 'family', we still were a family.

They all had mothers and fathers at the places they came from. It was a bit like I was the orphan of the group, though it never felt that way since I was adopted by Julia and Martin, Anna's parents, and by Jacques and Maria, Marc's parents. I had more than one family member. And Andrea's brother, who was actually her real brother, treated me like a sister. So I wasn't alone.

"Bella, do you think you have time to visit my parents when you go to Europe?" Anna said suddenly, and I turned around to see her in the doorstep of my room.

"Sure, but what makes you think I'm going to Europe?" I asked her.

"Andrea told me she felt that you were going to visit Colin, wich means you're going to London. That's not that far from Holland, you know. So can you visit my parents? You still know where they live, right?"

I nodded. "I have no idea what you're talking about, but I'll keep it in mind."

"Thanks. I'm going to miss you. And now I'll leave, before anyone gets worried or something. I already told the others, is that okay?" She was worried.

I smiled. "Sure. Why wouldn't that be okay? And I'm going to miss you too!"

She nodded, and then she was gone.

Was I going to Europe? Really? Why? Was there a special reason for me to leave Forks and go to Europe? Was Alice going to follow me?

A million questions shot through my head, and to none of them I knew the answer.

I sighed, getting frustrated, and closed my suitcase. I looked around the room to see if I had everything.

"You're going to leave." Alice suddenly said from behind me.

I didn't look at her, but I felt that she was surprised and angry.

"Yes."

"Why? Am I that hideous to you?" She asked, obviously hurt.

"No. I just can't handle your presence."

"Why? What did _I_ do wrong? Did _I_ hurt you? Did _I_ leave you behind?"

"Yes! You did!" I suddenly screeched. "_You_ left me without saying goodbye! You _did_ hurt me, because you left as… _he_ ordered! Of course you hurt me! Did you think I wouldn't be hurt by that?!"

I wasn't used to losing my selfcontrol. But now I did. I really did. And even though I wasn't able to say his name out loud, the impact of my words were clear on Alice's face.

"Now, leave me alone. You've hurt me enough in the past. I'm leaving and you're _not_ going to follow me!"

With that, I left the room, leaving behind a very stunned Alice.

**This was as good as it's gonna get for now. ****Sorry it's so short.**

**Tell me what you think!**


	5. Chapter 5: Flight and Ride

Chapter 5: Flight and ride

**Chapter 5:**** Flight and ride**

I bought a last-minute ticket to Seattle airport so I could be home as soon as possible.

During the filght I was nervous. Not because of the flight itself, but because of what I would find in Forks that could possibly chase me to London.

I was biting my lip with my teeth, not bothering the sharp feeling. I couldn't sit still at all, and I realised I was making the person who sat next to me nervous as well.

"Sorry." I whispered to him, causing him to look up.

The guy who sat there, smiled at me. "It's okay. You're really nervous, aren't you?"

I nodded. "Yes, really, really nervous."

"Why, if I may ask?"

"I don't know what to expect. I'm going home for the first time in years, and I am really nervous about what I'm going to find there." I told him.

He smiled. "I know the feeling. I'm going home for the first time since I went to college. I'm going to visit my dad. By the way, I'm Thomas. Thomas Newton." He said, offering my hand.

I didn't take it, I just looked at him.

"Are you the son of Mike Newton?" I said, looking at the boy, no, man who sat next to me.

Yes, definitely the son of Mike Newton, I stated, at the same time he nodded in surprise.

"Yes, he is my father. Why? Do you know him?"

Shit. What was I going to do now? My mind worked something out quickly.

"No, my mother knew him. I'm Elizabeth Mary Swan, nice to meet you." I told him quickly, wincing slightly at the names that flew out of my mouth without thinking.

I realised that I needed to be really careful here. Of course, here in Forks there were people who actually knew _Bella_. I needed to come up with a nice story.

"Oh! You're the daughter of Isabella Swan?" He said, and I nodded.

"Dad told me all about her. Man, he's still not over her, even though he loves mom. But he barely talks about her, so I don't think she really knows. But I know him good enough, and he still loves her."

I shifted uncomfortably, and tried not to look uncomfortable. I really did feel unconfortable, but I knew that it would be a bit suspicious. So I tried to keep the attention to him.

"Who's your mother?" I asked, smiling politely.

"Jessica Stanley. They were together at high school, but then they broke up because dad paid to much attention to Bella. But they did get back together and they never let each other go anymore." He sighed.

"That's pretty romantic. Mom told me about Jessica, and said that they were friends untill Bella got involved with this guy…" I pretended to think, but in fact I was preparing myself to say his name out loud. "Edward, I think."

Thomas nodded. "Yes, I know about him. Dad thought he was creepy, and he always said…"

But the intercom interrupted him. "Ladies and gentlemen, we're about to land. Please fasten your seatbelts and wait till we've reached the gate. Thank you for flying with…"

I fastened my seatbelt, and prepared mentally for the things that would be waiting for me out there.

"Are you okay?" Thomas asked me.

" Yeah, I'm just not so fond of the landing." I told him.

He nodded, and smiled encouragingly.

Then I remembered something.

"So you're going to Forks?"

"Yes, my dad and mom never left it. I even know you're the granddaughter of the old Police Chief Swan!" He laughed.

"Things barely change, don't they?" I said, and laughed as well.

I was surprised he wasn't scared of me. Most humans were scared as soon as they saw me, because I didn't really look human. Though, today I wore some make up to hide my paleness, to make me look more human. But I couldn't change my teeth, nor my golden eyes.

In the past I tried contacts, but they annoyed the hell out of me, so I decided to just show my golden eyes.

"Are you going to Forks as well?" He suddenly said, and I realised we were almost at the gate. I nodded, and he soon offered me a ride with him and his dad. I took it, knowing it would be more comfortable than running home with a suitcase in my hands. Though I knew it would be slightly uncomfortable when Mike Newton saw me. I still looked a bit like Bella.

We went to find Mike and his car. I soon spotted him, but I let Thomas lead me to him. It would be strange if I saw Mike earlier than Thomas while I never met him.

Mike looked like every old man should look like. But that wasn't strange, since he was 82 years old. He looked very healthy, and it made me happy to see that things worked out for him after all.

"Dad, I met someone on the plane who said…"

"Bella?" Mike gasped.

I tried to smile politely, and shook my head.

"No, I'm her daughter, Elizabeth Mary Swan. Nice to meet you, Mr Newton. My mother told me some things about you."

I tried to be polite, but I needed to keep things small. What if Mike would ask me things about the past? Would I be able to keep up the façade?

"Oh, really? You look exactly like her! Nice to meet you, Miss Swan!" He said, and I nodded.

During the ride, I listened to the conversation between Mike and Thomas. It was nice to listen to it, because soon I found out that Thomas was exactly like Jessica, only with the looks of Mike. But he wasn't gay, he was absolutely straight. I knew that for sure, seeing as he talked about some girl at the campus he really liked.

I soon knew pretty much about what happened to Mike after High School. He got married with Jessica, got five kids (three girls and two boys) in ages between 56 and 24, wich meant Thomas was the youngest one. It also meant that Mike got his first child when he was 24 himself.

He didn't only have children, he also had grandchildren and even two great-grandchildren, since Thomas asked how his sister, Hannah, was doing. Mike told him that she was babysitting on her grandchildren every other week, and that she was happy to be a granny.

I smiled, knowing that this was how humans should live. But I also felt pain in my heart because it would never be that way for me. I couldn't have kids, I couldn't be a granny.

I was glad to give that all up, just to be with Edward forever. I wouldn't mind that at all. But now that Edward and I wouldn't be together, it _did_ hurt me. I would never have a normal life, even though I tried in the past right before I was changed.

I never felt regret in the past. But looking at this happy family, I felt sorry for myself, sorry for the human Bella that died so many years ago.


	6. Chapter 6: Back to the Past

**Chapter 6: Back to the Past**

Mike and Thomas dropped me off at my house. I waved at them, but didn't go in yet.

I stared at the house in awe, feeling exhausted for the first time in my vampire life. All I wanted to do was fall asleep for a very long time, but I knew I couldn't do that. I simply wasn't able to.

All the emotions washed over me, crushing me from inside.

Somehow, this was awkward. I hadn't been here since my dad died, 59 years ago and six years after I had been changed, which was the last time I was here before I went to see Charlie on his deathbed…

It was still my house, though. Charlie had left me everything when he died.

He knew he would die. He had cancer, and it had spread all over his body. It wasn't treatable, so he decided to live his life normally until he wouldn't be able to do that anymore. He went on and on till two weeks before his death.

He contacted me as soon as he got the news he had cancer. He had only a few months to live by then, but he didn't want me to visit him.

I went to visit him anyway a few days before he died. Even though he wasn't happy that I ignored his wishes, he was happy to see me.

He didn't notice the change in me, because I hadn't seen him in years. He thought it was just natural. But of course, I was everything but natural by then.

I had worn my brown contacts, and tried to act as the clumsy old Bella. But I wasn't Bella anymore by then. I came from Europe just to visit him, but I hadn't given up the Cullen's.

But of course he couldn't see the change, because that change was inside me. I had finally grown up, but it was too late for him to see that. He died with me on his side. It was definitely one of the worst things that ever happened to me, and then I have to say that includes _everything_. Edward leaving me was just a little worse than this was.

I arranged Charlie's funeral. Anna was there with me for moral support. It was a very memorable day. I also saw Jacob on Charlie's funeral. He hadn't changed either. We exchanged knowing glances, but we didn't dare to come close to each other.

Of course, I had to explain everything to Anna. But somehow I couldn't. I was devastated by Charlie's death, and didn't feel like talking for a few weeks. I went back to Europe to try to find the Cullen's again, and by then we got the trail that led back to the USA.

We met all my friends again who had been waiting for us in London, and together we went to the US.

I didn't go home in that period. Actually, I never went home anymore. Until now.

My, that place must be dusty.

I slowly walked up the door and grabbed the key that was still hidden in the same place.

I opened the door, pretending to drag along my suitcase in case someone was watching me. When I entered, I put down the suitcase and closed the door behind me.

I stood still, trying to calm myself.

This was strange. No, this was _very_ strange.

It wasn't dusty. No, it was clean. I searched for signs that someone had been here but I didn't find any.

When I went upstairs to my room, I expected it to be messy, like I had left it all those years ago. I remembered trying to find things, throwing everything that was in the way.

But it wasn't messy. In fact, it was scary that it was so neat and tidy. I couldn't remember a time that it was like this.

Which means it's not a failure of my memory. Someone did this, and for a reason. There was no way that someone would clean up the house while someone wasn't there.

But nobody knew I still existed, and nobody knew I would come back. Which brings me back to the question: who did this?

I turned around to check if something was missing in my room. I checked every centimeter, but nothing was missing. Every little piece of paper I left was still there, only now put in drawers and organized by date.

Something was definitely wrong here. Who knew I was still alive? Who would do such thing for me?

I couldn't think of anyone who would do this. The only ones who knew I was still alive were my friends and now Alice and Jasper. But there was no way that they could get here faster than me.

Plus, the person knew where my spare key was. Nobody but me knew where it was. I hid it in a different place than Charlie had.

I turned around to leave the room, but then something caught my eye.

My floorboard were not right. Something was definitely wrong in there. I walked to it, and checked it out.

Then I saw it. I pulled up one of them, and gasped in surprise.

No way. No way. This was just not possible. Had they been there all that time ?

In there, I found the CD Edward made for me for my 18th birthday. In there was also the plane tickets Esme and Carlise gave me, which had expired just after I was changed into a vampire.

All the human memories I had of that period in my life came back and threatened to take control. I gasped and tried not to lose myself again for the second time in just a few days.

The period that was completely black, and the first memory I had after that, Charlie threatening to send me to Jacksonville. Jacob, who was so sweet and patient, made me feel alive again. The feeling that something was missing, which I found out was my heart.

Everything came back, with just a few material things. _Not important_ things. Things that shouldn't be important to me anymore, since I moved on a long time ago.

_Yeah, keep telling that to yourself,_ my inner voice said.

I took a deep breath, and put the stuff down.

Suddenly, I heard sounds downstairs. Shit.

I slowly walked downstairs, scared of I would find there. Probably the person who kept cleaning the house.

I walked into the living room and gasped.

The person turned around, and gasped too, looking totally flabbergasted.

"Bella?"

Damn, for the second time in just a few days I was reminded of my past by being called Bella. I was getting sick of that.

But right now I was too surprised to find _this_ person in _my_ living room.

"You?!"

**Okay, you probably already know who it is, but it's better to leave things this way for this chapter. Sorry that it's so short, I didn't mean to but it's better this way, really.**

**Please leave me a review! That makes me write faster! ****(hint, hint)**


	7. Chapter 7: Haunted by Memories

**Chapter 7: Haunted by Memories**

**This chapter is dedicated to **Smoochynose **because she gave me the great idea I didn't think of before. Thank you so much! I've changed my plans because of you!**

**And another dediaction to **FanpireTwilighter**, because your PM's keep me motivated to**

**write!**

I couldn't believe he was standing here. I hadn't seen him in years!

"Seth! What are you doing here? In my house?" I asked him, totally surprised because of this… _unexpected_ surprise.

He smiled and shrugged. "Cleaning up a bit, in case you came home." He answered if it was nothing. Like he was just saying: "It's always cold and rainy in Forks."

I just looked at him. He looked back, daring me to say something.

"You know, it's not that normal. A werewolf cleaning up a vampire's house; that is just not normal. Can you give me an explanation? I mean, we got along pretty well when I was still human, but after that we never spoke a word to each other! You can't just say that without…"

"Yes, I can. Now you're home, I have to leave again. And by the way, normally it's not me who cleans up. It's great to see you, by the way. It's nice to know that you're not dead or something." And with that, he just left.

I stood there for a moment, trying to process what he just said.

Someone else was cleaning my house? Not Seth? Seth was a friend; at least he was when we were still human. When he changed in a werewolf and I changed into a vampire, we became enemies. Something wasn't right in here, and now I just had to find out what it was.

It was impossible that it was Jacob. I didn't have any relatives left, so that couldn't be it either. But then, who could it be?

I stayed in the house for three days. Two because it was sunny, one because I wasn't ready to walk around in Forks yet, because then I would be reminded to my past, the same one I was trying to forget.

But then I realized I had to go out. I couldn't live inside forever. Besides, I need to go outside to hunt.

So that's what I did on the fourth day I was in Forks. On the fifth day it was sunny again, making me wonder what the green house effect had done to the world to make Forks a sunny place. But on the sixth day it was cloudy again, so I decided to go out.

I kept my face down to the streets at first. It was hard for me to snap out of it and to look around.

My worries had been useless. Forks had changed, just like I had changed. The old houses were gone, though the school was still there.

I didn't look at the school at first, but suddenly I had this strange desire to go inside. I thought about it for a moment, and realized I had to go to school again.

_No, I don't have to_, I reminded myself. I am my own boss now. _If I don't feel like going to school, I won't go to school._

No, I wouldn't go to school. But I did go inside, following my strange desires for the first time in years.

I felt strangely human again when I walked across the parking lot. I gulped when I saw the place where Edward had saved me from Tyler Crowley's van that had almost crushed me.

I couldn't help but sob when I remembered all the things that happened in here. The reason I started to live for the first time in my life. The reason I felt like a teenager, the reason I fell in love.

Edward. Oh, I missed him so much. I missed him more than ever. More than I wanted to admit to myself. But I would do everything at that moment to see him.

_No!_ Snap out of it! I desperately shook my head, trying to be me again. Trying to surpress Bella, trying to be Izzy again.

I quickly walked away from the school, not bothering to go inside anymore.

It took me a moment to recover, but soon the feelings that _Bella_ had, disappeared again, and I felt normal again.

I walked around, enjoying the feeling of being home. This town was so familiar to me, because I had known it since I was just a little girl.

I realized this was the only place in the world that I felt at home. The only place in the world I _could_ feel as home as well. Because in here, I had memories of my human life, even before the Cullen's.

The thoughts of meeting Alice and Jasper, finding Seth in my house, and being back in Forks suddenly disappeared to the background.

My eyes widened at the thing that was suddenly involved in every thought in my head.

All because I saw something that was more familiar than this town. The most important thing in my past, both human and vampire.

I saw a small bronze shade turning around the corner, and I didn't have to see the rest to know why my body reacted immediately to the sight of just that bronze color.

I didn't think about it, I just moved as fast as I could, running to my house in the shortest time I could.

I didn't think he saw me, because he had barely turned around the corner when I was already gone.

I gasped when I thought of the few human beings that were in the street when I started running. I doubted that they had seen me running, but I could imagine that they saw me disappear. Suddenly, I was very worried that I had exposed myself because of a reason I _shouldn't_ care about.

Too bad it was a reason that was not easy to ignore.

I walked outside, into the garden to calm myself. To regain control of myself.

Without thinking I walked over to the small trail. The same trail Edward said goodbye to me, when he said that he didn't love me.

_Why am I walking the path of my human life again?_ I wondered what I was doing. It wasn't conscious, I was sure about that. But what was I doing? Hadn't I suffered enough in the past?

Then I gasped. For the third time in just a very short time, my past came back to haunt me.

Because right before me, was standing the creature that had made me suffer so much in the past, but also learned me to love and hate and what life was about.

"Bella?" Edward asked, obviously completely stunned that I was standing there.

Probably not as surprised as I was when I saw what he looked like. He looked like crap. Like death had chased him but was just out of his reach.

I took a deep breath, and stepped towards him.

**Sorry for the cliffie, but I wanted to update today and I'm out of time, so just deal with it ;) I don't know where this chapter came from, it just wrote itself. **

**Plz tell me what you think!**


	8. Chapter 8: Talking

**Chapter 8: Talking**

I stopped walking after just a few steps, not wanting to be too close to him. I just stared at him, not able to say anything. I didn't want to say anything, afraid that it would chase him away again.

I couldn't believe what was happening to me.

First, I see Alice and Jasper in the last place I would ever expect. Second, I met Seth, who was cleaning up my house.

Then it clicked. Of course.

"You were cleaning up my house?" I asked Edward.

He winced slightly. I figured that was because of my cold, flat tone. I needed to keep it as emotionless as I could. I knew that I would lose my control if I moved anything else than my lips. And I didn't want him to know the confusion, anger and desire I felt by seeing him.

"Yes…" He answered, whispering so low that even I could barely hear it.

"You didn't hold your promise. You said it would have been like you never existed. But you left your stuff under my floorboards. The pictures, the plane tickets…" My voice threatened to crack, but I continued. "… your CD with…" I stopped, not able to go on anymore. He would know what I meant anyway.

He nodded.

Silence again. It was uncomfortable, but I didn't feel the need to break it. He should start talking, beginning by explaining why he was here.

"Bella..."

"I'm not Bella!" I interrupted him angrily. Ugh! Why were people so annoying? They kept reminding me of my old self, which I obviously wasn't anymore.

"W-What? But you are Bella. I'd recognize you anywhere." He said, shocked.

"No, you _know_ me as Bella. But Bella died sixty-six years ago." I told him, trying to stay calm. My voice didn't tremble and it still didn't show any emotion.

I expected him to do the math himself. And by the look on his face, he did.

"Bella… I am so sorry-"

I interrupted him again. "Don't call me Bella! She died when you left. I am now Izzy. Your sister found that out a few days ago."

"What? You saw Alice?" He said, obviously shocked.

"Yes, I met her. I was at Yale when she saw me. It was quite a surprise to her, I must say. Now, do you have more questions? Otherwise I'd like you to leave."

He hesitated. I growled softly.

How could he do this to me? He dared to come back after sixty-six years! What did he expect? That I was still waiting for him?

"What happened to you?"

"That is none of your business." I answered without thinking.

If I were still human, I would have blushed furiously. He would have known the feelings inside me because my pulse would be accelerating. But now, as a vampire, I had much better control over my emotions. After all, I had been practicing for the last sixty-five years.

"Bella, please. I want to know who changed you." He pleaded.

I sighed. Maybe if I told him, he would leave. I needed him to leave. My love for him hadn't died in all those years, and seeing him here and now, knowing that he doesn't love me back was just killing me.

I realized I needed to keep my guard up. Otherwise he would be able to read my mind, and then he would know everything.

"You left, and killed Bella by doing that. After that, Jake helped me to become alive again. I moved on, and in the end I married Jake. Laurent came after me, but Jake and his pack killed him. After that, Victoria herself came after me. She wanted revenge because you killed James. That time the werewolves weren't fast enough, and she had bit me before they killed her. They were too late to help me, so I turned into a vampire. End of story."

He didn't need to know that I went to Europe to search for them. That I still wanted to be with him after all those years. He didn't need to know about my friends.

He seemed to struggle to find words.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I wish…" He shook his head.

"_I_ wish you would call me Izzy. I don't like to be called Bella, as I just told you. She is dead, and now I am here. There is nothing you can do about that."

"I am sorry about that too, but to me you are Bella and you'll always be Bella." He said.

"Fine. Then you must leave now."

"What?"

"You heard me. I want you to leave. I answered your question. Now you can leave again. I moved on with my life, and I don't need you back in it. I don't _want_ you back in it."

Oh, the lies. How hard it was to lie to him. All I wanted was to jump in his arms and hold him, never let him go anymore.

"You….don't… want… me?" He asked, completely astounded.

"No."

I winced when I heard my own words, quoting exactly what he had said to me.

I fought the sobs that threatened to slip out when my old pain, _Bella's_ pain, came back to me, and I realized I couldn't let him leave if he didn't have an explanation.

I stepped forward, letting my love for him flow through my body. I looked him in the eye, and ignored the shot of pain that went through my body. I couldn't deny my true feelings.

"I still love you, though. I don't think I will ever stop loving you. But I don't want you in my life. I am not Bella anymore. She would want you back. I don't. I'm sorry." I said, stepping back again.

He looked like I just killed him, but I closed my eyes and turned around. I felt the air move, and without turning around I knew he was gone.

Unlike last time, I didn't run after him. Instead, I walked back into the house, where I crashed down on the floor and started crying tearless sobs.

I walked around, looking for the right place. It had been so long since I had been there. Too long, actually. It shouldn't have been so long.

Finally, I found the right spot.

I kneeled down, and I sighed. I thought about what I wanted to say.

"Jake… I'm sorry it's been so long since I visited. I know I should do that more often, but I can't let my friends go, I can't leave them behind. I know you would understand if you were still alive."

I sighed again.

"I miss you, Jake. I wish you were still here. You would've known what to do now. You know… today I talked to Edward, and it felt so strange."

I stopped talking. I knew it was strange that I was talking to someone who didn't exist anymore. But it happened a lot that I crossed a wolf, a normal one, and it was looking at me the same way Jake always did.

Jacob had died a few years after Charlie. He was immortal, but he wasn't able to survive a motor accident. He died immediately, leaving me, his ex-wife, alone and lonely.

We had been husband and wife for a few months. But we both knew I didn't love him. Not as much as he loved me. So to give him a chance to find true love, I asked him for a divorce.

We did stay friends though, and he looked after me. But he was too late to save me.

I forgave him, of course. And he knew that. But he never stopped feeling guilty. And I felt guilty that he felt guilty.

I sighed.

"Bye, Jake. See you around."

I went back to my home, looking around carefully before hiding the key in another new place.

**Sorry it took me so long, I had to fight a major writers' block. Plus, I am writing several things at once and that doesn't help me write faster.**

**Tell me what you think! **


	9. Chapter 9: My Immortal

**Chapter 9: My Immortal**

**Okay, so I chose the chapter title for a reason. ****One: you really should listen to the song while you're reading this chapter. It inspirated me to write this chapter, and it fits perfectly in this story. Two: Bella is immortal, and you see why I chose it in the rest of the chapter.**

**For now: Enjoy!**

I went back into my house, but I didn't know what to do. I looked around, and different visions, memories, came up in my mind.

_Edward, sitting in Charlie's chair, smiling at me._

_Edward staying over for the first time, and the pleasant feelings with that._

_Charlie, who asked if I was interested in the guys in town._

_Edward meeting Charlie for the first time. The polite look on his face._

_Edward when she saw him after James had bitten me._

_Alice, who cared for her when she wasn't able to during the summer._

_Edward and Alice, eager to give her her birthday presents._

_Emmett's happy face when he realised that I accepted the present without complaining._

_Jasper, right before the moment he attacked me while Edward protected me._

_Edward's face when he said he didn't love me._

I crashed down on the kitchen floor, unable to keep my control any longer.

I didn't want to live anymore, if I had to live with the emotions that washed through me. I didn't want to live in the first place, when Edward left me. But when I turned into a vampire, I was happy that I would get a second chance with him.

What a fool I was.

The old me took over control and released all the emotions I had had so long ago on me. Not able to hold myself together anymore, I started to gasp in pain.

The wound that was built in my chest all those years ago ripped open again, and I started to sob. I didn't want to feel this anymore. No more pain.

But this pain would never go away, just like my love for him would never go away. He would have my non-beating heart forever. He had since the beginning, and he would have it till the day I was killed.

I felt like I was drowning in my emotions. The pain, the desperate feeling that I had to follow him, the _need_ to see him, feel him, hear him, it all crashed over me, and drowned me at last.

--

--

After some time, I had no idea how long, I realized that this was how I felt when Edward left me when I was still human. Only then, I was drowning. _Bella was drowning_, I corrected myself.

I was still conscious, since I wasn't able to get unconscious, but it certainly felt like I could at that moment.

But I struggled to put those emotions away. Of course, it didn't work, but I tried and tried, till I started sobbing again.

I tried to fight Bella back to where she belonged, in the back of my mind, but it didn't work. The emotions were too strong; they completely took the control over my body. They made my limbs feel weak and heavy.

Then I heard my phone ring, somewhere in the house.

I tried to crawl up, but it was useless. The emotions were too heavy on me, and it was impossible to fight it. I kept laying on the floor.

It kept ringing till I heard it go on voicemail. Soon after that, it began to ring again.

It took all my vampire strength to crawl up and I stumbled around to find my cell phone.

_Stop being an idiot!_I told myself, and took a deep breath.

The emotions weren't gone yet, but right now they were bearable.

My phone stopped ringing, going back on voicemail again.

I groaned. Was that worth all the fighting to get up?

But then it started ringing again.

_My, som__eone has to speak to me urgently,_ I thought bitterly.

I decided to listen to the sound of my ringtone, and soon I located where it was.

Under my pillow, of course. The place where I always put it when I would go to sleep. It didn't surprise me, but I wasn't able to concentrate on memories. I knew I would get the wrong ones in my mind again.

I picked up the phone.

"H-Hello?" I winced when I heard my own voice. It trembled like hell, and you could hear my pain in it.

"Izzy, oh, I'm so glad you finally picked up the phone! I was afraid you were at the edge of dying." I heard Anna's voice say.

I groaned. " For a moment I was." I murmured, more to myself than to Anna.

I heard her sigh impatiently, and I waited. She started talking at vampire speed, and even I had trouble to understand what she said.

"Iz, listen. I don't know why, but since it was unusual I had to tell you. You just let your block down. Both Angela and Alice saw you back in their visions for a moment."

I gasped.

_No! _

"Shit! Are you serious?" I said, while my mind was busy realizing what this meant.

"Yes, I am serious. I was sitting in the library with Paolo, Andrea and Alice, when suddenly they stiffened, and gasped 'Bella' and 'Izzy' at the same time."

I cursed, and started walking around.

"Thanks for calling me. You're right, I didn't… notice."

"Do you mind if I ask why-"

"Yes. Gotta go, call you later!" I interrupted her, and hung up before she could reply.

Right on that moment, the doorbell rang.

I moaned and sat down on my floor with my back against my bed.

Of course, I knew who the person down stairs was. I felt it in every cell of my body, and the pain that I tried to control crashed back on me again.

I felt the voice downstairs more than I heard it, and I knew exactly what it said.

" Bella! Open the door. Please…" It said, and I winced. This was the last person I wanted to see according to my mind, but according to my body it was the person who I wanted to love and to hold forever. The conflict in my mind was between Izzy and Bella, and for a moment it really felt like I was two people in one body.

Izzy won the fight over my voice, but Bella kept struggling to get control.

"No." I whispered. I knew he would hear it.

"Please. Open the door, or I'll come in by myself."

I didn't listen to the voice anymore and tried to keep myself from sobbing as the pain of my memories washed through me again.

Then I felt two arms around me. I was too weak to fight them, and somehow I wasn't even able to. Bella took over again, and I started sobbing.

Edward lifted me in his arms and sat down in the rocking chair.

I was surprised but I didn't fight him. I just kept sobbing, trying to let all the emotions out. Of course, that was close to impossible, but I could try.

I had no idea how long I sat there. But Edward just held me, and I let him.

"Don't." I said, suddenly.

Edward stiffened under me, and I felt his breath against my ear.

"How did you know that?"

"I felt you move underneath me."

"That's impossible." He said, sounding totally shocked.

"When are you going to realize that I am not a human anymore?" I snapped at him. "I am a vampire, just like you. And I'll live forever with the wounds you left when you decided to leave me behind, to let me live without you. Thanks a lot."

Somehow I got up between those words and looked at him angrily. He looked back, hesitating about what to do.

I was surprised I got my control back again. It took me a while, but even though the feelings inside of me were still strong, they wouldn't crash me again.

"Bella… and yes, I know you don't want to be called Bella, but I know that she is still there, inside of you. You let me hold you, which means you still are Bella, somewhere." He said, interrupting himself after I opened my mouth.

"Bella, please understand this… I never meant to hurt you this bad, and-"

"I don't want to hear it. I don't want you to act like you care, so please leave. I didn't want you to come in anyway." I told him, denying the guilty feeling I always got when I lied.

"You think I _act_ like I care?" He stuttered, his eyes wide and his mouth half open.

"Yes, just like you acted like you loved me in those last few days. I just want you to leave right now. I can't handle this."

"Act… that… I love…you?" He seemed to be unable to find the words and to put them into a correct sentence.

"Yes. Now, leave or I'll throw you out!" I said.

He stood there for a moment with an unreadable face and then went out through my window.

I sat down on the ground again, trying to see if I was still okay. I tried to find a sign that Bella would take over control of my emotions again, but I couldn't find any.

Then I got up again, deciding I really needed Anna.

I grabbed my phone, and dialed the number.

"Izzy! Oh, I'm so glad you're okay. Wha-"

"An, I need to talk to you."

**Okay this chapter may be weird, but that will all be explained in the next chapter. I hope you liked it, you have no idea how hard it is to write stuff like this. *sigh*.**

**The next chapter will only contain the conversation between Anna and Bella, so it might be a little shorter than usual. Just to let you know.**

**I think I can update again tomorrow, other wise it'll be Sunday! **

**Plz leave me a review :) It might be able to make the decision to update tomorrow ;)**


	10. Chapter 10: Stories

**Chapter 10: Stories**

**Okay so this chapter might be a bit boring, but it****'s necessary for this story. **

**Plus, I think this chapter explains everything about what happened in the past. It's longer than I expected it to be, it's even the longest so far. It contains what I would put into two chapters if this was a normal chapter, but I can't really do that so yeah. It's long. **

_I grabbed my phone, and dialed the number._

"_Izzy! Oh, I'm so glad you're okay. Wha-"_

"_An, I need to talk to you."_

"Yeah, I figured that out. Alice just said something that made me worried. What's wrong?"

I took a deep breath, trying to calm down.

"I think it might be time to tell you something about my past. I need some advice from a friend, but you can't help me when you don't know what I'm talking about. And I really don't want to ask Alice about this, though she is sort of involved."

"Eh… okay, I guess."

"I don't remember exactly what I told you before, so please don't interrupt me by telling me you've already heard a certain part." I snapped.

"Wow, something bad must have happened. You have never used that tone with me!" She said, and then she waited.

"It all started when I moved to Forks…"

"What? You _moved_ to Forks? I thought you said you were born there?" She interrupted me.

I waited.

"Sorry Iz, but you can't say such thing and expect me to say nothing."

"Actually, I do. If you have questions, just write them down and wait till the end or something, okay? I don't want to be interrupted!"

"Sorry. Go on." She said, sounding as if she was about to lose her patience.

"Okay. So, it all started when I moved to Forks to live with my dad. My mom just married this guy, who was a few years younger than she was. She loved him, but he was a baseball player, you know. So I decided to give them a chance to be together, and went to Forks."

I took a deep breath, trying to make sure I was really alone. So far I could only smell the trees, and the normal scents around here. Nobody that wasn't supposed to be close was here.

"I didn't like it here. It was wet and cold, while I was used to sunny and warm. So it was pretty much the opposite, and I didn't want to be here."

I felt myself smile at the good memories I had when I was trying to figure out what Edward was.

"And then I met _them_." I waited on purpose, to see if she was following me.

"By_ them,_ you mean the vampires we were looking for in Europe, right?" She asked.

"Yes, thank you. I met them when I was still human, on my first day. I was sitting in the cafeteria, with some people I just met, and then I spotted them. All five, they were beautiful, but very pale."

I gulped. I couldn't do this. I couldn't talk about this yet. But I had to, and I knew that.

"Iz, if you can't do this, I understand."

"Anna, you've always been so understanding, and I never explained anything that was important to you. I feel so guilty about that, and I have to talk about this anyway."

"Yes, but you don't need to do that now, you know. I understand."

"I started, so I am going to finish." I tried to ignore the pain that began to build up in my chest again.

"They were the Cullens and Hales, according to the people at school. Alice Cullen, Jasper Hale, Rosalie Hale, Emmett Cullen, and…." I trailed off, not knowing if I would be able to say it. "I found them… interesting. They were different, just like I was at the time. I didn't belong in class, like every other teenager. Because I had to take care of my parents, I was forced to grow up at young age." I said then.

"Iz, you really don't…"

"Shut up! Let me finish this, please."

Silence again, so I continued.

"They acted strange. They had plates with food in front of them during lunch, but they never ate anything. And I noticed that… my lab partner's eyes turned from black to gold and back again."

I stopped when I heard a gasp on the other side.

"Seriously? That is where you got it from? And who was your lab partner?"

I sighed.

"I should've known this. You are way too curious to keep your questions till the end. But, to answer them, yes, that is where I got it from. My lab partner's father sort of found it out. And the guy was…" I hesitated, but continued. "Edward."

"Okay. I'll try to behave! Sorry!" She said. I groaned, but sighed again.

"I don't know how, or why, or when, but I fell in love with him. Even though he was acting strange towards me, I was still curious about him; about _what_ he was."

"I'm not going to go into detail because I don't want to talk about it, but I'll tell you I found it out because of an old friend, who appeared to be a werewolf later on. He told me some legends, and they fit in with everything I had seen by then."

"And then you con-"

"Anna! He was hunting that weekend, though I didn't know that of course, so I couldn't talk to him about what I found out. But at that moment I realized it didn't matter what he was. I just wanted to be with him."

" Then some things happened, and he found out that I knew about what he was. He opened up with me, and he told me pretty much everything I wanted to know. I met his family, and we started going out. It was dangerous for me, though. I was his _singer_, if you remember what that means."

"Yes, I remember Aro mentioning that. This is a really sweet story!" Anna said, and then made a sound that meant _hurry up and finish!_

"Yeah, wait till we get on, please. I am going to leave out a lot of stuff now, because it's not important. Let's get to the turning point."

"It was my eighteenth birthday, and no matter what I said, the Cullens bought me presents."

Anna giggled. "You and presents. That must have gone wrong."

"Well, yes, and in the worst way possible. Don't ask me how I did it, but I managed to cut my finger on the paper, and Jasper, who was not used to the animal-blood-diet, attacked me. My blood was too appealing to him."

Anna gasped, but I tried to ignore it.

"Edward protected me, so I wasn't hurt. But it made him realize that it was time to break up with me. Three days after my birthday, he left. His family, including Alice who was my best friend, was already gone. He said he didn't… love me."

I gasped when I felt the pain come back, worse than before.

"He left?" She said, obviously shocked.

"Yes, and that killed me. I couldn't live without him." I whispered.

I could almost hear the realization hit her. "And then you changed from Bella into Izzy?"

"Well, not at first. It took me some time to become somewhat alive again, and the old friend, the same one who helped me find out about them being vampires, fell in love with me. I didn't really fall in love with him, though I did love him. Just in a different way."

"I was married to him for a few months. Though I really didn't want to get married, I wanted my dad, and Jacob to be happy. They were both so happy that I moved on."

"But, of course, it was all just a lie. I didn't move on. So to give Jacob a chance, I divorced him. He wasn't happy, but he did understand. He said he knew it all along, but he just hoped it would pass. We stayed friends, though, and I was still happy. But we were never really married. We were still at the same… level, let's say that. We were friends but now we had rings on our fingers."

I paused for a moment.

"Hm. Sounds strange to me. Being married to a man you don't love."

"It wasn't that I didn't love him. I just loved him like… a friend. Just like I love you guys." I corrected her.

"Okay. No questions so far, so please continue. This is much better than a novel or something."

"Thanks. Just the fact that this is my life makes it so much better." I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Sorry. Go on, please."

"Hm, I just realized I missed a part. Well, let's just say another vampire, a normal one, found out about me hanging out with the Cullens, and he hunted me down. He was a tracker, and once the Cullens protected me, I became the person he wanted the most. "

"He was killed, of course, but there were two more people in his coven. First, Laurent came after me. The wolves, thanks to Jake, were there in time to save me and killed him. But not so long after that, the mate of the first one came after me as well. And that time, the wolves were just a little too late. They did kill her, but I was already bitten."

"So you changed into a vampire."

"Yes, I did."

"And then? Did you come to Holland to find them?"

"No, first I went to Denali, to the vegetarian coven in Alaska. They told me where I might find them, but they didn't know if they would be together. They seemed to travel around seperately. And _then_ I went to Holland, because they thought they might have been heading there."

"But… can I ask a question?"

"Yes. I have nothing more to tell you, besides whatever the answers to your questions are."

"Okay. Why did you follow the Cullens? And when did you turn into Izzy."

"One question at a time, please. I followed the Cullens, and please don't think bad about me after this, to… well, basically to beg Edward to take me back into his life so that I could be whole again. Of course, it was something I really shouldn't have done. It was truly a waste of my time. You remember when I introduced myself as Bella?"

"Yes. And then suddenly you said you used to be called Izzy, and that you preferred that name. You never wanted to hear the name Bella anymore."

"Well, that was a lie. And I'm sorry that I lied. But I was so… sick of everything. The pain I felt every day, every single minute. I just couldn't let him go…"

Silence for a moment. I didn't break it. I waited for her to say something.

"So… you put your feelings away and became a new person." She said, trying to figure things out.

"Well, not really. It was more like I had changed myself when I put all those feelings away. And to be changed completely, I had to change my name so I wouldn't be remembered by the way _he_ said my name. I named the girl with all those feelings Bella, and the new me, who didn't have those feelings, became Izzy."

"Why Izzy?"

"Because my full name is Isabella, so Izzy is just short. Just like Bella was before."

"And that's the story?"

"Yes, that's the story. Do you have more questions?"

"No, not so far. If I have more, I'll ask them later on. Now, you said you wanted some advice. What's going on?"

"Edward's here." I whispered, not able to say more.

"What?!" She screeched in my ear.

"Seriously? He is there? In Forks?"

"Yes."

"Shit. Now what?"

"That's what I wanted to ask you."

"What happened so far?"

"I came home and everything was cleaned up. It wasn't dusty at all, as it should have been. No, instead it smelled like a werewolf."

"What? Did Jacob clean it all up?"

"Eh, I guess I forgot to tell you that. Jake died in a motor accident. Just a few years after I was changed."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Iz. But who was it then?"

"Well, it was another werewolf. It was someone I became friends with when I hang out, and later was married to Jacob. His name's Seth and he really is the guy you would want as just a friend. He would never try something." I said.

_Unlike some other people_, I thought bitterly.

"Are you implying that someone else did? Just in between, then you can continue your story."

"Yes, Jacob did when I was still.. broken. Dead. Whatever you want to call it. Anyways, I went into town and it has changed completely. Except for the school. That one's still exactly the same."

"I went home, and then I felt the strange urge to go up the path. It is a path near my house, that is going into the forest. It's also the same path where Edward said goodbye to me. It was like I was walking the paths of Bella's life again, and it felt so strange."

"And there you met Edward?"

"Yes. I saw him in town, I recognized him because of his bronze hair, so I already knew he was here in Forks. And there we talked, and I told him to stay away."

"What? Why would you do that? You still love him, right?"

"Yes, I do. But he doesn't love me, so I don't want him to act like he does love me, just to make me feel better. I want him to be happy, not stick around me just to make me happy."

"But… you searched for him, to beg him to take you back… and now… what happened?"

"I guess I grew up." I sighed.

"Okay. Now you want advice on what to do next."

"Well, I guess so. I'm a little desperate here. I am glad I told you now, though. I really need a friend who knows about this, but it can't be a Cullen. You won't tell anyone, will you?"

"Of course not."

"Okay. Now, what should I do now? I mean, if I stay here, it's obvious that I'll see him again. It's not really possible to avoid him, since he seems to be everywhere."

"Right. Ehm… you seem to be thinking about him all the time. Why don't you go out and try to see if you can find something that will keep your mind occupied?"

"Like what? Suggestions are welcome!"

"Well, why don't you go running, and just see where you end up?"

"That, my dear friend, it a very nice idea. Maybe I'll do that."

"Good. And Iz?"

"Yes?"

"Call me again if you want to talk. I'll have my phone with me."

"Thanks, Ann. I really appreciate this."

"Sure. I am really happy that you finally let me into your life. And please correct me if I call you Bella. Spending time with Alice and Jasper, who keep talking about 'Bella being here, and now in Forks and stuff…that really doesn't help me. Alice saw you in a vision together with Edward. You looked pretty broken, so that made me worried. But, knowing that you're okay… it's a relief."

"Okay." I couldn't help but laugh a bit, despite the situation I was in right now. Anna was a lovely girl, and I was happy that she knew my past.

"I'll talk to you later."

"Sure. Bye!"

"Bye."

**That was one hell of a conversation. I hope you all understand everything now.** **And if you have questions, I'll try to fit them into the story so I can answer them. If that's not possible, I'll just PM you or something like that.**

**Sorry for the people who don't like conversations. But, this chapter is necessary for the story. Of course, you all know a great part of the story, but things had to be cleared up.**

**I hope you liked it. Tell me what you think!**


	11. Chapter 11: Unwelcome

**Chapter ****10 : Unwelcome**

**Hey guys, sorry it's been so long. It's just really hard to write this since it's going against my nature, but I really do like it so I definitely want to go on. Plus, I was busy with school, which is swallowing all my time at the moment. And besides that, I also have my beta work to do (You Might Die Trying, by Hayley, you really should read it because it's absolutely great, and original!) so I can hardly find time to write. But, I try!**

**I think you all will recognize some sentences in this chapter, that I took from New Moon. So I don't own them!**

**Enjoy reading :) **

It was early in the morning, and I was walking around in my house. I hadn't gone out yet, simply because my mind was not up to it. Currently I was standing in the kitchen, debating whether I should go hunting or not.

"Go away!" I said without thinking.

I hadn't heard the footsteps or smelled the scent of honey, lilac and the sun itself. But somehow I felt the presence of the person I didn't want to see. A few seconds later the footsteps stopped behind me.

"No. I won't go away till you've listened to me." The velvet voice said.

"Edward, how many times do I have to say it: I am not interested. I don't want to listen to you. Don't you see that you are not welcome?" I said, turning around to face him.

I hardened my face so it would be harder for him to see through my lies. Of course the love of my existence was welcome in my house. If he had loved me back, he would be more than welcome. But now, I didn't want him to be here. It would remind me too much of how my life could have been if Edward had loved me the way I loved him.

"Yes, I can see that. But I don't care. I want you to listen to me."

"How about a deal: I listen to you and then you leave."

His eyes, pitch black from the lack of hunting, narrowed. His lips pressed together into a hard line, and I could help but gulp at the sight of his anger.

e in my house. xistance .chen, debating in my house

gh my lies.

un itself. "No. I don't want a deal-"

"You really should go hunting, you know. Your eyes are too black to be normal." I interrupted him.

His eyes narrowed again. "And when I come back, you'll be gone."

I sighed. He knew me too well. "Probably, yes."

"That's why I won't go hunting. I won't lose you again. I will stay here."

I sighed. I hated to see him in pain, and I knew from experience that it was really not good your eyes were that black. Your throat was burning the entire time, swallowing up everything else. After a while all you could think of was blood and the ways to get some.

To me, that wasn't dangerous. I was not attracted to human blood, so the only thing I had to worry about was exposure. I still avoided thirstiness, and not only because of the pain. I already received a lot of attention, so it would be very dangerous because people could notice it.

"What if I go with you? I won't be out of your sight then, so you won't lose me. Besides, I need to hunt as well." I said with a low voice. I hadn't even considered it, but as soon as it came up to my mind, I knew it was the best solution for this problem.

But he shook his head.

"No. If I am too distracted you'll take your chance and leave Forks immediately. And then I won't be in time to stop you."

I gulped.

"Fine then, say what you want to say and then go hunting. I hate to see you in pain."

"So you do care after all." He suddenly said, sounding more emotional than before.

I glared at him, getting irritated. I saw him flinch a bit, but I ignored that.

"I told you before, I still love you. Of course I care. I don't want to see you in pain, just because you don't love me."

This time I couldn't ignore the sharp intake of breath and waited for him to say something.

He started shaking his head again and then locked our eyes. I couldn't break away, though I seriously wanted to. His black eyes were scaring me a bit, because I remembered them being gold, topaz and many other colors. I could even imagine him with the emerald green eyes he had when he was dying. But this was different.

"I think I owe you an apology. No, much more than that. I think I need to explain every-"

"I don't need an apology, Edward. I gave you up many years ago. I don't want you to act this way, just to make me feel better. I know you don't love me, you made that pretty clear all those years ago." I said, interrupting him again. I winced slightly at the memory.

Shock crept across his face again, just like yesterday. I felt like I was repeating myself over and over again. Was this never going to end?

"You still think I am acting like I love you?" I just nodded.

"Don't you remember anything that I told you?" He asked, his voice suddenly filled with a sadness I didn't understand. Was he sad because I could see through him?

"I remember everything that you told me." Including the words that negated all the rest.

"Don't you understand then? I left you because I loved you! I wanted to protect you from a world were you would be too vulnerable! I didn't want you to get hurt. After Jasper attacked you, I could finally see how great my love for you was. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you ever got hurt." His voice broke at the end, and suddenly I could see the old, almost-human Edward in him. It was almost like he was human, except for the fact that he was not.

I gulped, but then regained the control that threatened to slip through my fingers.

"But it all didn't help, did it? I was changed anyway, though out of your reach. Starting the life I wanted so badly with you, without you. Your attempts to save me failed. It just got worse."

"I didn't understand what I would do to you. Not until I could actually feel it, yesterday." He shook his head again, trying to pull himself together. "I had no idea…" He trailed off, and I grabbed the chance to say what I had prepared all those years ago, what I kept saying to myself when I finally gave up on him.

"You never came back. You didn't let me know that you were okay. You didn't come back to check on me, to see if I was okay." My voice broke, and I took a breath to calm myself.

"If you really loved me, you wouldn't have broken every promise you ever did to me." I said, gaining confidence when I realized that besides the promises I wanted to throw at him, he had broken another one.

He looked up, his eyes full of sorrow. But I ignored it again, and went on.

"First, when I was laying in the hospital after James attacked me. You said to me: 'I'll stay with you as long as you need me. I swear.' After that, you changed it into 'As long as it makes you happy.' And then you changed it again. 'As long as it's best for you" you said." I took a deep breath, my voice threatening to break.

"I never stopped needing you. I was never happy after you left me. You were the source of my happiness. And you… you were the best thing that ever happened to me."

If I could have cried, I definitely would have been at that moment. I could barely control the pain that was threatening to take me down again. But this time, I decided to stay strong, and suppressed the Bella-like feelings that made me want to jump in his arms, and never let him go. I knew that if I would lose control again, that would be exactly what I would do. And that moment was coming closer every minute.

"And then, when you said goodbye, you said it would be like you never existed. But that didn't happen either. You said I wouldn't remember you. But I never forgot you. And the stuff you left under my floorboards, that I didn't find until a few days ago, proved to me that you never meant to let me forget you. You lied to me. If you really loved me, you wouldn't have done that to me." I finished my speech.

I didn't look at Edward. This hurt me so much, and I didn't want to see his eyes that probably would be cold again.

Then he spoke up, and I gulped at the sound of his vulnerable voice.

"Bella- Sorry." He said when I snarled at him. "I wanted you to have a normal life. I wanted you to live and have your happy ever after."

"My happy ever after would have been with you, if you had wanted me."

I felt my control slip through my fingers, and I couldn't fight the sob that came out of me. I immediately held my hands up to prevent him to come closer. When I looked up, I could see that was exactly what he wanted to do. But I wasn't going to let him close to me again. I knew that I would snap then, and I didn't want him to see how much he hurt me. He was going to feel sorry for me then, and then starting to blame himself. I was going to prevent that as long as possible.

I didn't know if I was already too late, after the incident yesterday. I knew he had heard my thoughts, as far as they were thoughts at all, and all the feelings that came over me. I didn't know what he had heard, because I had no idea that my block had fallen down.

Then something came up in my mind. Maybe I could make it up to him somehow.

"Do you want to see how happy you made me?" I asked him, whispering.

His eyes went wide, but he hesitated.

"If that's okay with you." He said, whispering as well.

I smiled and concentrated on my guard. I fought hard to remove it just a little bit, which was harder than just removing everything. I didn't want Alice or Andrea to get a vision of me and my plans. And I didn't want Edward to see them either, so I started focusing on my memories of him. His voice, his face, his kisses, and how I felt all the time. All my happy memories of him clouded up my mind, and I felt that he was trying to go past them. But he met my block there.

Suddenly I felt my pain slipping into my memories, and I immediately put my block back in place.

I looked at him now, trying to figure out his reaction. It surprised me that they were written clearly across his face. Surprise, guilt, and sadness.

"I truly loved you. I really did. I wanted to give up my life for you. But you pushed it all away, so I know you don't love me. There's no need to tell me otherwise." I whispered.

"You really can't put it into your brain, can you?" He asked me, his black eyes almost pleading with me.

I shook my head. "No, your lies can't be put in my head anymore."

"So you can believe the lie, and not the truth." He murmured, but I still heard it.

Then he stepped forward, so fast I was too late to respond. He had me pinned up against the wall, making a block with his body. It was not possible for me to escape this prison.

I couldn't look away from the eyes that were burning into mine. I wanted to scream, yell at him how stupid he was for not giving me the chance to show him how much I loved him, and how our lives could be. I wanted to push him away, to run from him so I wouldn't feel this pain ripping me apart. I wanted to hold him, and never let him go.

The desire, that was almost the strongest of those feelings, was almost overpowering me, but I kept focusing on the anger so I wouldn't entirely lose control.

It took me less than half a second to put all that together, and I snarled at him, showing my anger.

"Maybe I can show you, then." Edward breathed, his scent paralyzing me from head to toe.

I didn't feel anything anymore. No pain, no desire. The feelings I had just a second ago were gone. All I felt now was the desperation to get away before he was going to rip me apart.

Ironic, that he almost killed me when he kissed me when I was human, and now he wanted to kill me by kissing me.

He bent over, slowly, and the time seemed to stop. His lips were only a millimeter away and I could feel his breath on my lips and then-

Then he was gone, and I was being shielded by someone very familiar. I automatically blocked this person as well, protecting my thoughts.

"Stay away from her. You are not welcome here. She told you to go away before. It seems that you can't listen. So now you will listen to me. If you do something like that, I will tear you apart, limb for limb, and I will be laughing the entire time."

Edward stared at her in shock, but I ignored him, and hugged my best friend.

"Thanks so much. I owe you forever!" I whispered into Anna's ear,

She pushed me away, softly. "I'm happy to be useful. Thank god I was on time."

I nodded, and smiled weakly. She didn't know how close I was to losing it. Maybe she did know, because she turned around again, glaring at Edward,

Then something swept across her face,

"Wait a minute. Isn't this-"

"Yes. It is." I interrupted her, before she could finish her sentence and expose too much.

"It makes sense. It explains-"

"Don't." I quickly said.

She raised her eyebrow, but nodded. She got the message.

But it was too late.

"What am I? What makes sense?" Edward asked, suddenly worried.

"You are the guy we saw in Italy." Anna asked.

When I saw the confusion on Edward's face, I felt the urge to explain him.

"We saw you when you were visiting the Volturi." I whispered.

His eyes went wide. "What? You were among them?"

I nodded.

"Why? What? How?" Edward stuttered, but then his thoughts gave him the answers to his questions.

"The blonde and red-haired girls. I couldn't read their thoughts, but at that moment I was too focused at… something else to notice, to think about it." I heard the hesitation at the end of his explanation.

"No need to keep secrets like that from me. I was there, I know what you asked. I still can't believe that you really wanted them to kill you." I said, stepping next to Anna, away from her protection.

She looked at me for a moment, and we shared each others thoughts. I could handle this now, with her next to me.

"I did come back, you know. What you said is not true. I was there for your last human moments." He explained, whispering.

I grabbed Anna's hand, and squeezed it. She squeezed it back, and I could feel that she was trying to give me courage silently.

"But then I had to go hunting. Your scent was still overpowering me, and I didn't want to take the risk that my control slipped. I didn't want to change you. I was trying to figure out a way to get you back into my life."

"And when I came back, I found out that you were attacked. You were in the process of changing, and I was too late. I couldn't suck the venom back out, because then you would have no blood left. It had spread too far."

I gasped, and at the same time he continued. But my mind had already understood where he was going, because that was locked in my memories.

"I stayed with you during your changing process, holding you."

"I heard you. I thought I had gone crazy, hearing your voice. I heard you. You were really there…" I couldn't understand this. He had been there. I had felt his arms around me, not knowing that it wasn't my imagination but reality.

"Yes, I was there. You were responding to me, and I couldn't be happier. But then your process came to an end, and I got scared. So I ran away, not knowing what to do."

"So you felt guilty that she was turned into a vampire, and you went to the Volturi to kill yourself. Yeah, that makes sense." Anna said sarcastically.

"No. At first I did feel guilty, but then I decided that it shouldn't matter. I hadn't stopped loving you, and I would try to get you back. I followed you trail, but it led straight into La Push. I assumed they had killed you. You were a vampire, and thus not allowed to cross their borders. There was no trail left of you scent. I gave up."

I nodded. I could understand this perfectly.

"Good. Now the circle is round again. Time to leave. You are still not welcome here." Anna said again, knowing that I wasn't able to speak at this moment. I knew that if I would open my mouth to say something, I would lose control.

He looked at me again. "It's up to Bella to decide that."

I stiffened, and then glared at him. "Go away. I told you before. I won't tell you again. The next time I will not allow this. You have said what you wanted to say. I don't want to see you ever again."

He nodded, not looking at me. Then he turned around.

I could hear his voice when he reached the edge of the forest next to my house.

"I still love you, Bella. Never forget that."

I gulped, and when I knew he was gone, I finally allowed myself to fall apart.

I sank on the ground, my legs no longer able to carry my body. I sobbed, but I kept focusing on the block that had to be surrounding Anna and me.

Then I heard her soft voice.

"Grab yourself together. We're going away."

"Where?" I said, not able to form a coherent sentence.

"London."

**So, this is where this chapter finishes. I am sorry, but I have to inform you that there'll be no update till 22****December. I am going to London this Friday, so I am going to use my own experiences in that chapter. That's why I (and you) need to wait.**

**I hope you liked this! Reviews would be nice…**


	12. Chapter 12: Arrival

**Chapter 12: ****Arrival**

"Anna, I owe you forever." I told her.

I had managed to pull myself together a bit and we went hunting before going away.

We were now almost in London, and I was finally able to talk to her. My thoughts had been overpowering me, trying to understand what had happened, especially the part where Edward had stayed with me during my changing process.

I knew that if I had known that it was all reality, I would have treasured those moment longer. I also knew that my burning process would have been… easier with Edward next to me. I would have known that he was holding me, protecting me, loving me.

Wait. _Loving me?_

Where did that come from? I knew Edward didn't love me. He had made that clear, and I fully understood. I knew that Edward said those things to make me feel better, but it only made me feel worse. I didn't want him to lie to me because he would feel guilty about that later on.

I shook my head, trying get the strange thought out of my mind.

Anna, who sat next to me in the back of the taxi, sighed.

"You owe me nothing. It's what sisters do for each other." She smiled warmly at me, and I couldn't help but smile too. I felt so much better.

"Where are we staying?" I suddenly asked, interested about this trip.

I would do anything to get my mind off Edward.

"At the youth hostel near King's Cross station." Anna answered, looking at me. It seemed that she expected me to fall apart any moment. But I was in control now.

I just laughed. "Good. That means it's the same one we stayed at last time, isn't it?"

She nodded.

I smiled and looked around. I absolutely adored London. It had this certain atmosphere around; it made me feel comfortable. There were always people outside, no matter what time or what place. You were never alone, and that was a comforting thought.

"So, what are we going to do in London?"

Anna shrugged. "I don't know. All I knew is from Andrea's vision before Alice and Jasper…"

She trailed off, looking warily at me again.

"Anna, I am fine. Thanks to you. Why were you there, actually? And what did you hear?"

"After you called me, I felt the urge to come to you. I don't know why, I just followed my instincts. I grabbed my backpack, and ran to you. It took me just one day, but I already felt that it was too long."

" I came in when Ed- he said he didn't want a deal with you. You both didn't hear me, and I was standing outside, just listening, till I saw you were in trouble. So I came in to protect you."

"Thank you, Anna. Thank you so much…I don't know what to do without you." I whispered.

"That is what sisters do, Izzy. Truly, it's nothing."

"You really are a sister to me." I told her, the sincerity of my words obvious in my voice.

Comforting silence surrounded us, and I just enjoyed looking outside. When we passed King's Cross station, I smiled. London held so many memories.

_(Flashback)_

_I walked out of the youth hostel, not knowing where to go. I felt a little confused. _

_I had followed Edward's trail down to Amsterdam, but he had already disappeared. I had met Anna there, and she joined me. Then we found a clue that led us to Paris, where we met Marc. He also joined us, claiming that he needed to get out of there._

_Now we were here, in London, trying to find the Edward again._

_I knew that he was travelling alone. We had crossed his scent a few times, but it was always too late. _

_I wondered where they were now. I felt that I was trying to find a needle in a haystack. Somehow, it seemed impossible to find them._

_I went sightseeing, knowing that I had better enjoy being in London._

_Anna and Marc were still at the youth hostel, giving me time to think things through. I knew that they did not understand me. That wasn't strange, since I didn't tell them anything. They only knew that I was trying to find a few vampires. They didn't know the reason, or who they were. They knew nothing, and I knew it bothered them._

_I sat down in St. James Park, looking at Buckingham Palace. I suddenly felt alone, and I put my head between my knees to keep my breathing even._

"_Are you okay?" I suddenly heard._

_I looked up, smelling to vampires._

_A boy and a girl were looking at me, the worry clear on their identical faces. I understood that they were twins, though they didn't seem to be very close. Their eyes were a dark crimson, wich proved to me that they were hunting on humans. It was hard for me to look at that, since I got used to the golden eyes of Anna and Marc, who quickly changed their hunting habits when they found out that there was another way. Maybe these people would do that too._

"_Eh… I don't know." I told them honestly._

_They sat down next to me._

"_Can you tell us your name?"_

"_I'm Isabella Swan. Please call me Izzy." I whispered to them, trying to hold myself together. The pain that suddenly shot through me was almost unbearable._

_The girl nodded, and smiled at me. "I am Andrea Jones, and this is my brother Colin." _

_Colin smiled politely at me, but then turned to his sister._

"_We should take her home. She obviously isn't feeling well. I think mom can make her feel better." _

"_Yes, that might be a good idea." Andrea agreed._

"_No!" I gasped. They looked at me again, raising their eyebrows at the same time._

_It made me laugh for a moment, but then I became serious again. "My travelling companions should know where I am. I think it's time to go back to them." _

"_Oh! Where are you going?" Andrea asked, suddenly curious._

_Somehow, this girl reminded me of Alice. Her enthusiastic voice, her attitude, the look in her eyes, everything. If I didn't know better, I would have been sure that they were sisters._

"_I am not going anywhere, actually. I am trying to find someone." I told her, while walking to the nearest underground station._

"_Oh! Who? Someone like us, or not?" Colin asked me._

"_Well, it's actually a _family_ of vampires I am trying to find, but currently I am following the trail of just one person. I think they split up or something."_

_Andrea squealed. _

"_Fun! Can I join you?" _

_I looked at her, totally shocked. _

"_Are you serious? Are you _crazy_?" _

"_No. I've lived in London for such a long time now, it's time for me to see the world." Andrea laughed._

"_An, are you serious? You know that mom and dad wouldn't like that!" Colin said._

"_Yes, I am serious. I would love to travel. Do you mind, Izzy?" She said, looking at me._

"_I don't mind, but I have to ask my companions if they mind. You should come with me. " _

_Andrea squealed again, jumping up and down. She looked like a little child, and it made me smile a bit._

_We bought our tickets, and jumped into the train that was waiting._

_The doors closed, and I felt Andrea and Colin next to me, holding their breaths. _

_I smiled a bit. I never got used to the vampires who hunted humans. The Cullens hunted on animals, and so did I. When I met other vampires, they hunted on humans. Since I was used to the golden eyes, the red ones always shocked me, and it made me think of the many human lives that were lost because these people hunted on them._

_Colin and Andrea were staring at me intensely, probably amazed by my control. I smiled a bit and checked where we were. _

_Time flew by, and soon we were at King's Cross again. Andrea and Colin exhaled, and I realized they were enjoying the fresh air._

_I couldn't blame them, though I enjoyed it for another reason. The underground stations always smelled so strange, I couldn't really place the scents. I guess they just smelled like… underground stations._

"_You didn't stop breathing." Colin stated, his voice filled with surprise._

_I shook my head. "No. I am sort of immune to the human scents."_

"_You don't hunt on humans." Andrea said, amazed by this revelation._

"_No. I hunt on animals. Wich makes me think, I should do that again some time soon."_

"_You hunt on animals? Seriously? And you can function?" Colin asked me, his dark crimson eyes wary._

"_Yes." I answered._

_We crossed over, walking past McDonalds and Starbucks. The scents would be lovely if I were still human, but now they made me feel a bit nauseated. That was the best way to describe it, though I didn't know if vampires could really be nauseated. _

"_How old are you, Isabella?" Colin smiled at me._

"_Vampire or Human age?"_

"_Both"_

_I tried to count, and then I found the answer._

"_I am now 19 years old, as a human, but I was changed when I was still 18, which was seven months ago."_

_Both Colin and Andrea gasped._

"_You're that young? You are just a newborn! But you don't act like one at all!" Andrea exclaimed._

"_I never acted like a newborn. I guess that is why my eyes changed this fast. I was told that it would take me a year or so, but mine changed after four months. I've never been a newborn, I always had perfect control."_

"_Wow!" Andrea and Colin said at the same time, shaking their heads in disbelief._

_We crossed again and walked to the youth hostel in silence._

"_Let me go first. I want to explain this to them, if you don't mind." I told the twins._

_They nodded and smiled._

_I went upstairs and explained everything to Anna and Marc. They both agreed that it would be fine if Andrea came with us. _

_I invited the twins up in our room, and we made plans. At first, Colin wanted to go with us, but soon he changed his mind when he heard who we were looking for._

"_The Cullens! If you had told me before, I would-"_

"_You would have what? You don't really know them, Colin. Izzy here does, it seems. I am going with her, because I want some change in my life." _

_Anna, Marc and I looked at each other, shocked about Andrea's tone. _

"_You know the Cullens?" I asked Colin then, trying to hold back my sudden curiosity._

"_Not really. I've met one of them, Edward I believe. He went to Rome, if I am correct. Just a few days ago, I think."_

_I jumped up, turning around to see the look on Anna's face. She looked happy for me, and jumped up. Marc followed, and they immediately grabbed our stuff._

"_Thanks, Colin. You don't know how much this means to me." I told him, hugging him without thinking._

_He smiled, and turned to his sister._

"_Are you sure?" _

"_Yes, I am. I am going home, grab my stuff, and then I'll meet you at King's Cross in an hour." She told us, and then turned around to leave._

_(end flashback)._

It was funny how things went. The last time I was here, I was desperately trying to find Edward, or at least one of the Cullens. And now I was trying to hide from Edward.

We arrived at the youth hostel, and I smiled. We checked in, and walked up the stairs.

It was like I was walking in my memories, only now without Andrea and Colin.

I opened the door and gasped when I saw the person sitting on my bed. Anna, who stood behind me, gasped too.

"Colin!" We both screeched.

We jumped into his arms, and laughed.

"How-" Anna wanted to ask.

"Andrea called me. She said she saw you two coming, so I figured it would be here. I asked where you would be staying, and said to the receptionist that I was a surprise you would love." Colin said, laughing too.

Anna and Colin shared a look then, and suddenly I realized something. I felt really stupid for not knowing this.

I smiled.

"I shall give you two some privacy, then. I'll be somewhere in London, and I'll see you tonight."

I grabbed my key, and went back to King's Cross.

Where to go?

**Okay, this is long enough for today, I think. You'll get the next update as soon as possible, but I can't tell you when yet. From now on, I have a very busy week. **


	13. Chapter 13: Visitor

**Chapter 13: Visitor**

**Okay, so I think you're going to enjoy this chapter. That's all I am going to say for now, and give you the chance to read :)**

"You know, I am really sorry." I told Anna.

We were walking around in London, not caring where we were going to end up. We were currently walking at King's Cross Road, after we said goodbye to Colin. He had to arrange a few things, he told us, and then he would join us.

"Sorry for what?" Anna asked me, sounding sincerely surprised.

"For not seeing this relationship between you and Colin before! I guess I was too selfish, too self-centered- "

"No, Bella. You were preoccupied. That is something else. Stop blaming yourself for something that isn't your fault." Anna grinned at me. I smiled back hesitantly, not sure if she really meant it.

She sighed. "I didn't even know it, until a few weeks ago, when he stopped by to visit Andrea. It was then that I realized that I liked him more than I wanted to admit to myself before." She told me.

"And what about him? I never noticed anything about him either." I said, thinking out loud.

We crossed over, ignoring King's Cross station, choosing Gray's Inn Road instead.

"Well, he told me that he fell in love with me the first time he saw me, back then, but that he didn't realize until a few years ago. I never encouraged him, so he didn't want to make a move."

We walked a few miles in silence, just enjoying each others presence, without feeling obligated to talk to each other. I guessed that we were both lost in thoughts anyway.

"You know you and Edward are really strange around each other." Anna suddenly noted.

I looked up from the street, and met her eye.

"What do you mean?" I asked her.

We turned into a small alley that I would have missed for sure if Anna hadn't pulled me in, when Anna finally answered my question.

"It's really hard to explain. I wish you could see the way you act around him. When he moves, you adjust your position to his without even thinking about it. Like magnets or gravity or something. It's really strange, I've never seen it before." She said, but I heard the hesitation at the end.

"And…?" I asked her, trying to let her move on.

We sat on a little bench in Lincoln Fields Park, which was empty except for us. Anna looked around to see if anyone was close, but when she saw that the streets surrounding us were empty, she started explaining again.

"I've been a vampire for a long time now, as you know. I am almost seven hundred years old. I've seen many vampire relationships, most of them quite the same. The strength of the bond between mates surprised me in the beginning, but now I've seen it so many times, it doesn't feel special anymore." She shook her head, as if she was trying to clear her mind. I immediately wished that I could read minds. Of course, that made me think of Edward and Aro, and I flinched at the thought of both.

"Now I feel that bond myself, and now I realize that the strength of that bond… well, it's amazing. I never imagined it would be this strong."

She looked at me. I felt the urge to look away, but fought hard to keep looking at her as well.

"But the bond between you and Edward… it's even stronger. I can see it. I've studied you for a while before I interrupted your conversation. I've never seen anything like it. Sometimes it was like you were saying something, but meaning something else and he always caught that, I could see it on his face. And I know he's a mind reader and all," she rolled her eyes, " but this was different. And since you told me he wasn't able to get into your mind… it's interesting. Really interesting."

I stared in front of me. I couldn't believe her words. I didn't _want_ to believe her, either. Just the thought of it made me feel hurt already, let alone thinking about-.

_No, Izzy. Don't go there._ I interrupted myself before I would feel more pain. I had suppressed that for years now, but it still came out sometimes. On those moments, I was thinking of my past. On those moments, I had my famous mood-swings, as my friends called them.

It always happened because of something very small. Just a little detail that made me think of one of the Cullens, which followed by the thought of all the other Cullens. Then a shot of pain would follow, and then, after I had calmed down, everything would be fine again.

I sighed. "I don't understand anymore. I told Edward to back off a few times now, but he just doesn't give up. I don't know what to do anymore."

"I get it. Unfortunately, I can't help either. I'm sorry." She shot me an apologetic look, but I just smiled.

"You already helped me by just being here for me. That helps more than you think." I assured her. She smiled, and then almost jumped. She screeched, and I was on alert immediately.

I laughed when I heard the buzzing of her cell phone. A vampire, no problem. She'll just do whatever she wants to do, even if that means she's in danger. But a buzzing cell phone could make her screech in fear.

She flipped it open.

"Hi."

A nod, and a slight smile. I rolled my eyes- I could already tell who it was.

"Sure. Eh… Let me ask first."

"Can I-"

"Just go! Enjoy yourself! Have fun!" I interrupted her, smiling.

She nodded, and then turned back to her phone.

A few words on place and time, and then a shy 'I love you' at the end. I couldn't fight the urge to smile to her, and just laughed when she looked like she would blush furiously if she had been able to.

I gave her a quick hug, and then watched her leaving the park, just slightly too fast to be human, but too slow to be seen as something more.

I stood up as well and followed my legs. I had no idea where I would end up now,

I sighed again. Anna had made me forget Edward for just a few minutes, but now it all came crashing back on me again. It felt strange that she was the only one who could distract me like that, even though it was just for a moment.

I couldn't understand Edward. I had to admit, I had never understood him. When I thought I did, I always ended up being wrong. I couldn't help myself, and went back in time, let my mind go through all of my memories of him, to see if I had missed signs, or anything like that. To see if I had ever been right, except for his nature.

I had been perceptive, he said. Well, there was no point in denying that, but I failed to see that he didn't love me- that is, until he told me. Of course, when he told me, I understood immediately. I could see why he didn't love me: plain, human Bella, who was clumsy and had temper problems.

I suddenly looked up, and realized I was walking past the Thames, going to the London Eye. I smiled to myself, and found an empty bench to sit on.

I looked at the Big Ben, which was very close now. Somehow, I could imagine my friends and I – Marc, Andrea, Anna, Paolo and now Colin too – walking around here, laughing and talking about random stuff. But I knew that I was in no condition to do that now.

I closed my eyes, getting frustrated with myself. I couldn't help but feel this way, but I wished that I felt different; I truly wished that I could feel different.

But my love for Edward would never die, so the feelings that were trying to take me over now would never go away either.

Someone suddenly sat next to me on the bench, and I turned my head away, trying to ignore that.

Suddenly I was glad it was cloudy today. I knew it could be sunny in London, though that didn't happen a lot. I felt stupid for not checking the weather forecast before I left the youth hostel.

I tried my hardest, I really did. But there was no point in ignoring, as I could smell the lovely scent coming off him, paralyzing me again, taking over my body without my permission.

"How did you find me?" I asked, still not looking at him.

"Alice saw you and Anna on the plane." He said, his velvet voice unsteady.

I nodded. It was too easy for him to find me. And, surprisingly, it irritated me. A lot.

"You haven't heard of giving up, and leaving someone alone, have you?" I told him, finally looking at him.

Edward shook his head. "I won't leave you alone till you finally believe that I love you. And no, telling me now that you believe me doesn't help." He said, the echo of a crooked smile trying to creep on his face.

Hm. Suddenly I could see what Anna meant. My block was still intact, I had checked it a thousand times by now. But still he could see through me without any effort.

"Okay then, telling you I'll never believe that won't help either, then?" I asked him, surprised that my voice sounded light and teasing. On the inside, I felt far from that.

"No, that won't help. Perceptive." He said. I winced when he used that word so casually, as if it didn't hold any memories, as if it was just a random word.

I struggled to keep Bella inside, but I could feel she was winning. My willpower threatened to crumble into thousands little pieces every time I saw him, and I knew that last time I was about to give in. I would try to prevent that, but I knew it was nearly impossible. Now I didn't have Anna to save me, to protect me.

"Okay then, what do I need to do? I already listened to your story, so that can't be it. You already tried to convince me that you still love me, but that hasn't worked either. So, what is left? What do you truly want from me?" I asked him, standing up. He immediately followed, and we walked towards the bridge together.

It sent chills down my spine. Anyone who would see us together now would probably see us as a couple. Edward was walking very close to me, and since the biggest part of me enjoyed that so much, I didn't feel the need to protest.

As long as he wasn't touching me, I could be fine_. Yeah, keep telling yourself that, darling,_

I tried to ignore the evil voice in my head, but I also knew that it was right.

I sighed, still waiting for Edward to answer me.

"I am going to stay with you, just as long as it takes me to convince you that I love you, and that I won't be able to live without you in my life anymore. So you're just going to have to put up with me." An evil grin shot across his face, and I growled mentally at myself for asking the most stupid question of the world.

But it was also the answer that the biggest part of me wanted to hear, and that part was dancing around happily in my head.

I felt schizophrenic. It truly felt like I had two people in my head. Bella, who was now taking over my life again, the one who was happy about Edward being here, in London, and Izzy. The other one.

Edward stopped walking, and I automatically stopped too. We were now standing at the middle of the bridge, and when I turned around he caught my eye.

We seemed to exchange messages without saying anything. I knew he could see the old me, Bella, in my eyes, and I realized that he would know that she had taken over. No doubt that he was going to take advantage at that, and there was nothing I could do. Bella was getting stronger every second, and I knew it wouldn't take long till Izzy disappeared. Not with Edward around.

Before I had a chance to respond, Edward's arms were around me. Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around his middle too, holding onto him to never let him go.

Exactly what I had wanted in these last few days. But how long was this going to last?

**Okay, FYI it is now 4.11 am, so the second day of Christmas has started. It's in the middle of the night, and normally I am sleeping right now (which I am going to do in a few minutes). Just to let you know, there can be a lot of mistakes in here.**

**This chapter is my Christmas gift to you! I hope you all like it, and leave me a little review. **

**Merry Christmas everybody! **


	14. Chapter 14: Moments

**Chapter 14: Moments**

We stood there for a moment, which gave me time to recover. 'Bella' inside of me was so happy, and I have to admit that I had to agree to her. This did feel good, and I couldn't help but wonder if things could really be this way.

But of course I knew that things couldn't be this way. So I pushed him away softly and stepped back a few feet.

I couldn't help but look at him. His face was a mask, hiding the emotions inside of him. Just a few moments ago I had seen something in his eyes that had touched my soul, that made Bella take over for a moment. But now, seeing this look on his face, it only made the Izzy part of me stronger.

I knew that he could see that I was 'me' again, the one I wanted to be. The strong one, the one that wasn't weak, the one had the power to stand against the love of my life.

I didn't know why I fought against it. I guessed I was just afraid of getting hurt again.

I turned around without saying a word to Edward and started walking towards Big Ben. According to my memory, behind it was Westminster Abbey. I realized there was an underground station close, and I decided to go back to the Youth Hostel.

I knew that Edward was following me but I ignored him. The moment of weakness was still strong, and though my mind knew what it wanted, my body had other wishes. Every cell of my body wanted to be with him, to be in his arms again.

But I couldn't let that happen. It was already bad enough that my control had slipped for one moment. I realized that Edward was going to try to get those moments out of me when I was alone. So all I had to do was not being alone with him.

Simple, right?

No, that was certainly not simple. If Anna and Colin weren't together, then Edward would have left me alone because Anna would have been with me. I felt guilty immediately when I thought it, but I couldn't deny the truth behind the words.

Which reminded me: Anna had threatened to kill him. Maybe it was time to remind him of that.

"You know I am going back to Anna right now, huh?" I said, too low for the humans to hear. I knew he would.

"Yes, I know." I heard a sigh behind me.

"And you're not afraid?" I said, actually surprised.

He appeared next to me. "If I have to offer something just to be with you, I'd gladly do it." His eyes burned into mine, locking them for a moment until I found the power again to look away.

For a moment I was touched by his words; at least, the Bella part of me was. But the Izzy part of me suppressed the joy I felt.

We stepped into the train that arrived and I took the chance to look at him from the corner of my eye.

He looked much better than since the first time I saw him. He looked horrible back then, but now he looked much, _much_ better. As if he came back to life again. He was still tense, and he also seemed nervous about something, but at least his eyes were gold again so the black eyes that scared me so much would be gone for a while.

Then he caught me staring at him and I turned away, frowning. The golden eyes that I remembered being liquid when we were together and frozen when he said goodbye to me melted as soon as our eyes locked. But otherwise they were frozen.

I couldn't help but wonder why that was. He also frowned a little, but that made him look like he was in pain.

I realized that the humans around him were making him nervous. Even after all those years of practice, even the practice he had with me wasn't good enough for so many people all together in a confined space. It also made me realize that it was a danger to be here for vampires. Except for me, of course.

Today was really the day of the realizations.

Suddenly, I felt the urge to laugh. This situation was ridiculous. I was here, in London, with my best friend and her lover, which also was the brother of another friend. And here, next to me, was Edward, the guy I tried to find for such a long time, and now I was here to avoid him. And he still found me.

I shook my head with a smile on my face. I saw Edward raise his eyebrow, probably questioning my sanity. I could tell him that I was far from sane, but I wouldn't.

We arrived at King's Cross Station again and I walked back to the Youth Hostel with Edward next to me. He looked like he wanted to say many things to me, but he didn't.

Wise idea.

I went upstairs immediately without checking if Edward followed me. I knew he did anyway.

I was about to open the room when Edward grabbed my arm. His face looked amused.

"You might want to knock first." he said, the hint of a smile hiding in his eyes. It made me feel like my heart jumped in my chest, though that was impossible since my heart stopped beating years ago.

I sighed, knowing that he was probably right. I already had the feeling that something like that was going to happen.

I knocked on the door and heard two gasps from inside. I fought against the smile, but according to the silent laughter besides me, I failed miserably.

"Hi…" Anna said, looking like she would have blushed if she had been able to.

I shook my head with a smile on my face.

Then she stiffened when she saw Edward next to me. She growled and stood in a defensive position. I automatically stood in front of Edward to protect him.

"Stop!" I said to her. She looked at me than, shock across her face.

I sighed. "Just ignore him. That's what I'm doing."

She looked at me as if I had suddenly turned human again. "Seriously?"

I just nodded and went in. Anna, behind me, hesitated, but let Edward in anyway. I felt his presence on the other side of the room, and I was glad that he put some distance between us.

Anna and Colin sat next to each other, just looking into each other's eyes. It made me smile to see this. Their relationship made me think of Alice and Jasper already, even though they had just gotten together. Alice and Jasper had been together for God knows how long.

With the smile still on my face, I looked away and caught Edward staring at me. I sighed, and looked away from him again.

"Hey, Ann… would you like some more privacy? I mean, as in me booking another room?" I asked her, knowing that that would probably best for both of us for a while.

It did make me feel strange that I would probably share a room with Edward, since he told me that he wasn't going to let me out of his sight. And by the smile on Edward's face, I knew he realized the same thing.

But Anna's reaction told me enough. I grabbed my stuff, and went downstairs to ask for another room.

The receptionist wasn't happy, but I told her that some unexpected things had happened and that some of us needed some privacy.

The woman looked behind me suggestively, obviously thinking I meant Edward, who was standing right behind me.

I shook my head, but I couldn't help but smile. At least she thought he was taken. I wished he really was.

"No, it's not about me and my... friend. It's for the girl who I booked the room with." I explained to the woman, and she smiled as well when the pieces fell into place.

"The surprise the guy had, huh?" I smiled and laughed.

"Yes. I am very thankful that you let him in. You made my friend really happy."

The woman smiled. "It's no problem. Usually I don't do those kinds of things, but he seemed truly genuine and that kind of persuaded me. " She admitted, but I could see the faint blush appearing on her cheeks.

"That, and the fact that he's incredibly handsome, huh?" I teased her, and she laughed too.

I was aware of the presence behind me, but it was somehow comforting. It used to make me nervous, but now that I made my decision, I knew it wouldn't bother me anymore.

"Okay... I've got two rooms available, one room for two people, and one for one. Which one do you prefer?" She asked, eying me carefully.

I sighed. " I guess the double room would be best for us."

I knew Edward wouldn't give up, and though we didn't need the beds it was best to keep up appearances.

"The beds are separated, right?" I asked, just to be sure.

"Yes, they are." The receptionist smiled again.

"Thanks." I said when she gave me the keys. I handed one over to Edward, not looking at him.

I left the Youth Hostel again, deciding to walk around again. I felt Edward following me, but I didn't really care. As long as he didn't bother me, I wouldn't bother him.

Of course, I knew that was nearly impossible. But hey, I could try, right?

When I walked into the underground station again, Edward grabbed my arm.

I turned around immediately, hissing at him. He quickly let my arm go but didn't put any distance between us.

"What?" I growled at him.

"Why are you doing this?" His eyes bored into mine, but I managed to look away. There was no need to become enchanted by the beauty of his eyes. Or his hair. Or his face. Or his body.

I shook my head to clear it, and then looked up again, trying to force Bella down.

"Doing what?" I said, my voice trembling slightly.

I was surprised with myself, really. I was still affected by him, and even though I decided I didn't care, I couldn't help the part of me that kept wondering if...

_No!_ I stopped that thought immediately, knowing that that would cause something inside of me, and I wanted to avoid that. One weak moment per day was enough. I was strong, independent. Or at least, I should be.

Only half a second had passed, and Edward seemed to think about what to say.

"You're accepting me without whining about it. Are you giving up?" I could see the hope behind his facade, but unfortunately for him I knew I wouldn't give in.

"No, I am not." Knowing which question would follow, I continued. "You're going to stay with me, until I finally believe that you still love me. But since that won't happen, I guess I'll be stuck with you forever. I better start accepting that, though I still don't like it." I added quickly, before he would get his hopes up again.

He sighed.

"I guess that's right. Well, at least I can spend the rest of eternity with you. Even without any warm feelings towards me... I guess that's the best I can get. I'll be grateful for that." He murmured silently.

I bit my lip, and turned around so he wouldn't see the emotions behind my eyes.

Why was he making this so difficult for me?

Suddenly the words came up in my mind, and I couldn't help but saying them immediately.

"Why are you making this so difficult for me? I mean, my life was fine before you came along. I was finally building a life again, moving on as I should have done a long time ago. But I never let you go, not really. And now, just when I started to get comfortable with this life, you came along. Again, you changed my life. Why can't you just leave me alone? If you really loved me, you would do as I wished."

He opened his mouth, but I didn't give him the chance to speak. In the rush to get my words out, I didn't care about his feelings, or mine. I just said the words that had been in my thoughts for a long time now. And I added the new ones, the ones that came up right after the others, ignoring the pain that they would cause.

" Even if I would believe it someday, I still don't think I would get together with you. I would never trust you again; I would always be afraid that you would leave. You promised things before, so your promises don't mean anything anymore. I still love you, but that would be the only thing that would make me stay with you. A relationship can't be build of only love. Not with our past." I whispered the last few words when the pain started to come up again.

The hurt was also evident on Edward's face. He looked like I had seriously hurt him but for a moment, I didn't care.

"Now, I want you to leave me alone. Just for a moment," I added when he started to protest. "I want to have some time to think, and I can't really do that with you close to me. I'll be back at the Youth Hostel by ten." I told him.

He seemed to consider that, and then nodded. He probably thought of the luggage that was still there, and thought that I wouldn't leave without it.

I was going to consider that in my time alone. It was time to get some things seriously straight.


	15. Chapter 15: Information

**Chapter ****15: Information**

**So, this chapter is different than before. I just didn't want it to stay the same, so I changed the POV. I am not doing an EPOV in this story (okay, I might, but that chance is not big) because I am thinking about this complete story from EPOV.**

_Anna POV:_

Edward was walking around in our room, looking desperate. I was sitting on one of the beds with Colin's arms around me.

I was feeling very comfortable, but looking at Edward made even me, the calm one, nervous.

"She's really gone, isn't she?"

It was two in the morning, which meant that Izzy should have returned by now. But when Edward came back alone, I knew that she would take her chance and leave.

Edward looked at me, and it seemed that he fought back a growl.

"So, what do we do now? We are here for Bella, are we just going to return home?" He asked.

I shrugged. I fought hard to keep her destination from my thoughts, so I thought about my friends back home. Even though I loved Izzy, or Bella as I now learned to say, I still missed our group at home. Andrea, Paolo and Marc were not my brothers and sister because we never were that close, but I still loved them and I wanted to be together.

But thanks to Edward here, that was not possible, because he kept pushing Izzy away from me.

Edward shot me an angry look, making Colin next to me growl.

"Edward. This is not going to help. You know Iz- Bella, so you must have expected something like this." I said, I said, raising my eyebrow.

He sighed and sat down on Izzy's bed.

"I did expect it, but she sort of promised to be back by ten, so I hoped that she really meant that. Besides, she isn't the person to leave without her luggage."

I couldn't stop myself anymore, the thought came up to my mind without any problems.

"Holland?!" He said, jumping up.

"Well, she promised to me that she'd visit my parents when she ran away from Alice and Jasper. Andrea had seen her going to London, so I wanted her to visit them. I think she swam there so you wouldn't be able to follow her trail, and then ran to Holland. Or take the plane, of course." I added.

I bit my lip. This felt like I had betrayed Izzy, but even _I_ could see that those two belonged together. I hadn't had the chance yet to talk to her about it, but I knew that she would listen to me.

"Really?" Edward said, seeing the plan form in my head.

"Yes, Edward. I shouldn't be saying this, and you may not tell Bella that I told you this, but she really loves you. And the two of you together… I don't know. I've never seen anything like it. But I can see how you affect Bella." I hesitated, but I knew he would see it in my mind anyway and I didn't want to keep Colin out of this, so I continued.

"Before you came back, Bella, or Izzy as I know her, was never able to sit still. She was always moving her leg, or she kept sitting in different ways. It wasn't because she felt physically uncomfortable, but because she wasn't steady emotionally. She always fidgeted with her hands, looking nervous all the time. But she wasn't, she just wasn't… what's the right word?"

"Complete?" Colin said, looking at me.

"No… well, maybe, but that is not the word I was looking for. I can't find it, but you can see what I mean." I said, nodding towards Edward.

He nodded.

"But if she really loves me, then why is she running away from me? I mean, I understand that you have to run for your _life_, but from someone you _love_? I can't understand that."

"She is afraid, Edward. You left her once, and that changed her."

"In more than one way," I heard Edward mutter.

I looked at him, fighting back a smile.

"You're never going to forgive yourself for that, are you?" I said, already knowing the answer.

He looked back, his eyes filled with sadness and guilt.

I felt like I had to do something. I didn't really know this guy, but I didn't feel comfortable that he felt like this. Maybe that was because even I knew better than that. Or maybe it was because this guy belonged to Izzy, and I knew that seeing him like this would make her feel bad as well.

"Edward, listen to me. None of this is your fault. Knowing you, of course only because of what Iz-Bella told me, you leaving her was probably with good reason. For you, of course," I added with a smirk, "-because Bella didn't feel like it was a good thing at all. But that's not the point. The point is, however, that she loves you. And you love her, right?"

"More than life itself." It was only a whisper.

I knew that those words were true, because he had tried to kill himself when he couldn't be with Bella.

Edward smiled a little at that, and I realized that he was listening to my thoughts intently to get more out of me.

I sighed.

"It's all about a choices, Edward. You made a wrong one in the past, and now you're suffering because of that. But you must realize that Bella has a choice to make as well. She made the choice to be with you in the past, but you ignored that and left. That was your choice, probably to protect her or something."

Edward smiled, and I knew I was right. Colin chuckled.

"What's so funny?" I asked my new boyfriend. For a moment I felt guilty because I had forgotten him a little, focusing on Edward and Izzy.

"You met this guy… once before? And you can already read him like a book." Colin shook his head, and I smiled.

"Well, not really. It's more that… Bella told me stories about Edward, and when I met him that actually confirmed what I had in my head. You're exactly the person I thought you were. Unfortunately Bella thinks that you've changed." I said, turning back to him.

He nodded.

"Back to the choices thing. Bella has to make a choice now, and you're confusing her… a lot, to be honest. I've never seen her like this, and I have seen _a lot. _You just jumped back into her life just after she finally started to let go. I don't think that she minds, but she's confused, and the choice is not an easy one."

He nodded again, looking outside the window.

"You said that I've changed, but I have not. I do feel that Bella has changed a lot, but at some moments I can still feel that she's still my girl, the Bella I fell in love with."

I sighed, and leaned into Colin for comfort. Izzy was perceptive, I knew that, but Edward came very close.

"Well, she explained that to me, I think. Don't worry about that, Edward. She'll be okay."

"What did she tell you?" He asked, curious when I started to block my mind, translating Pride and Prejudice into Dutch.

"I don't know if I should tell you. I already told you so much. It feels like I am betraying her."

I felt awful for telling him everything, but I had to get them back together. After all, I made a promise. I would do everything that was in my power to help these two lovers to get back together. They could have eternity forever, but Izzy was about to throw that away.

"Okay, but I will not forgive you if you use this information the wrong way."

He nodded, leaning in closer when I started to speak again. I didn't look at him, knowing that my words would hurt him.

"She explained to me that it felt like she had died when you left. A part of her, Bella as she calls it now, died when she became a vampire. She introduced herself as Izzy from that moment on, suppressing every bad human feeling she ever had, letting her love for you rule her life. She started to search for you, hoping that she would find you. She thought that now you two were equal you would want her back. But it didn't work out, so she suppressed every human feeling, now the good ones as well, and became a new person. Izzy."

He winced, but I tried to ignore that.

"She now refers to her feelings as 'Bella' and 'Izzy'. She's Bella when her love for you and her feelings from the past come back. She is Izzy when she is who she now is, determined to live normally again. I think you intruding her life makes 'Bella' come back again."

The room fell silent after that. Edward had a lot to think about, but I also knew that there wasn't time for that.

"Edward, we need to go to Holland. I know where Bella is. I think that if you let me talk to her, I might be able to convince her to talk to you properly. I know what to say to her, and I know that Bella became stronger lately. I hope that things will change for the better after that."

"You're sure that the only reason for doing this is because of Bella? Or is it because of the promise?" He asked me then, after a moment of thinking.

"Izzy, or maybe Bella, is my first priority. I just made the promise because I know that I am not the only one who cares about Bella."

"You're too sweet, truly." Colin murmured in my ear, too low for Edward to hear, even as a vampire. I guessed that Colin didn't know about Edward's mind reading powers. Maybe I had to tell him that soon, so that he would watch his thoughts.

"Fine then. Have you packed your stuff?" Edward said, eying me.

I looked around. I hadn't really unpacked things, so it only took me thirty seconds to grab everything.

"Let's go to Holland, my home." I smiled, not able to stop the thought that I would see my parents again for the first time in years.

**This chapter isn't as long as the ones before this, but I had to end it here. I hope you all liked it, and for the ones who noticed, I explained the title of this story in this chapter.  
I won't be able to update anytime soon, because I have exams next week, and I really need to study for that. I am going to try, but I don't think I can make it. So don't get your hopes up, please.**


	16. Chapter 16: Progress? Part 1

**Chapter 16: Progress? – Part 1**

**So, here's the new chapter! I hope you all like it… I personally think that this chapter is a very good one, but that's just because I really wanted this to happen. I hope you all think the same!**

I was walking around in Amsterdam, trying to think clearly.

Obviously, my action was very wrong. But it was not like it was unexpected or something. I mean, Edward knew me, and if not Anna would know me good enough to know what I was doing and where I was.

I hoped that Anna knew where I was. I knew that I had promised her to visit her parents, which I had already done.

Anna's parents, Yvonne and Martin, lived in a small village close to Amsterdam. They had sort of adopted me, and they had once said I was always welcome there. It was a good place to start, but after one night I already felt like a burden to them. Of course they denied that fact, but I told them that I was going to Amsterdam anyway.

So, here I was, walking out of the train station in the direction of the center, also known as the shopping area, to think about lots of things.

Stupid enough, I felt guilty about betraying Edward's trust. He had trusted me enough to leave me alone for one moment, to let me _think_, and I immediately took the chance to leave him again.

I wasn't being fair, and I knew that, but I couldn't help myself. Though the past few days Bella had ruled my actions more than I wanted, Izzy was still there and she made me leave. Bella was giving arguments why I should stay, but for the first time since I had arrived in London, I was strong enough to ignore it.

I knew it was wrong, I definitely knew that. But I just couldn't help myself.

I stopped walking, facing Madam Tusseauds. It felt weird to be here again, knowing that the last time I was frantically following Edward's scent. It seemed to me that I was making the same trip through Europe again, only now for the exact opposite reason.

I didn't expect anyone to understand my actions. I didn't even understand it myself, so it would be pretty great if someone else did understand me.

I turned into a street, and kept walking for a while, trying to find something to distract me. Then I saw the sign _Waterstone's_, and I knew that it was perfect. It would distract me from my current train of thought.

I went in and looked around for some books. I could see that this was an _English_ bookstore, though, since most of the authors were British. Not that I complained. I knew from Anna that it was pretty hard to find some English stuff around here.

When I was finished looking around, I went back to the streets again, but then I caught something with my vampire sight. A red-and- blue sign on my left.

_American Book Center._ That was more like it. I went there, but I was out again quickly when I realized that there was nothing for me there. There were many magazines, and upstairs there were some books, but most of them I had at home as well. The other ones weren't interesting enough. Waterstone's had more to offer.

Home. I really wanted to go back to the USA. But there was a big chance that Edward gave up, and went back to the USA to wait for me to come home. So there was no chance of me going home anytime soon.

Distraction didn't help. There wasn't anything to do around here, except for Madam Tusseauds but I saw the line and I didn't want to wait for that long.

I sighed, not knowing what to do now. I was glad I had my mobile phone and wallet with me because I wouldn't be able to live around here without those. Now I could find a hotel to stay at.

Suddenly I froze, catching a very familiar scent, and I sighed happily.

Anna walked over to me, and hugged me tightly.

"Would you leave a message when you suddenly leave? I don't like chasing you around."

"Unlike some others." I muttered quietly.

I smelled his scent on her, and it was fresh. That meant that _he_ was here as well, and it irritated me more than it pleased me.

"Can't he leave me alone? Was this your idea?" I said when I looked at her face. I could read her like a book, and after my first question something flickered in her eyes.

"Yes, it was my idea. Izzy, we need to talk."

"Yes, we do. Why did you bring him with you? Isn't it obvious that I am trying to avoid him? I don't understand you! In Forks you threatened to kill him if he would come near me again, and now you're dragging him along with you, right to the place where I am!" I said, whisper-yelling at her at vampire speed.

"Yes, and that is why we need to talk."

I looked at her, shocked. She had never talked to me that way. The tone she used was almost offending, as if I had done something wrong.

"If you are trying to talk me into Edward, so to speak, I refuse to listen to you. Do you know how many days and nights I have been waiting for him when I was still human? I had nightmares, and they always ended in me waking up, screaming. My dad even grew immune to it! He hurt me bad, Anna. I don't think I'll want to be with him, even if he loves me. I gave up trying a long time ago, and I don't want to try again. He is not to be trusted. I trusted him with my life once, and he threw it all away. I. Will. Not. Listen. To. You." I snapped at her.

Anna stared at me for a moment, probably too shocked to speak. I never spoke to her this way, but after her words, I couldn't stop myself anymore.

I took a deep breath, ignoring the faint burn in my throat, and tried to calm myself.

"You have to listen to me, Bella."

I froze. Did she just…?

"Yes, _Bella_. I called you Bella. I can see that you are changing. From what I've heard from Edward, you are changing back to your old self. I think that it is time for you to let Izzy go. You are trying to talk sense into yourself, but the only thing that makes sense in this whole situation is that you and Edward belong together. Even I can see that. You both love each other, but you've both been hurt in the past so I can understand that it takes time again."

I just stared at her, still frozen. I wanted to put my hands over my ears, and start singing to avoid her hard words, as I always did when my mother wanted to say something I didn't want to hear.

"Bella, you really should give him a chance. He really loves you. I have the slight feeling that wherever you'll go, he is going to follow you. Even if _you_ decide to kill yourself. " She eyed me carefully.

I shrugged. The thought hadn't crossed my mind yet. I wasn't that desperate, and of course that was partially because I _wanted_ to see him. Of course, Bella wanted to see him, but I felt that Anna was right. Bella was coming back to earth, and I felt weaker and weaker because of that.

I hadn't told anyone, but Izzy was the Bella I actually wanted to be. She was tough, and she knew how to make her decisions. Bella let her heart rule her head, while Izzy did things the other way around.

"Can't you just talk to him, Bella? I think you should give him a chance. You know you want to as well. It may be buried deep inside of you, but I think that all you want is to be with him again. And if I know you well enough, you can let your heart speak again. It will tell you exactly the same thing as I am telling you know."

I was silent. Anna was never much of a talker, but this trip, and dealing with Edward (and me) had changed things a bit.

"Bella lets her head rule her heart. I don't." I whispered.

I felt Bella fighting to come out again, and I was about to let her go, to tell Anna that she was right, that all I ever wanted was to be with Edward again, when I caught two scents.

Of course, one of them was Edward. I was actually surprised when I caught Colin's scent as well.

"Colin came with you?"

Anna smiled, and her eyes shone with true happiness. I recognized the same happiness I had felt when I found my true love, so many years ago.

All I wanted was to feel that happiness again, that was one thing I knew for sure. But I also knew that my previous words were true. I would never trust Edward enough anymore, I would always be afraid that he was going to leave me again. I might be a vampire now, but I knew very well that I wouldn't survive that again, even with the strength I had now.

The scents became stronger, and I didn't say a thing anymore. I didn't want Edward to know what I thought right now. There was a chance that he would keep holding on then.

_Is that so bad, then?_ Bella argued.

I bit back a growl. Yes, that was bad. I didn't want to…

"Bella!" Colin said as soon as they caught up with us again. I growled softly at the interruption of my thoughts.

I smiled weakly towards him, hoping that he hadn't heard my growl. I didn't look at Edward.

I noticed that Anna and Edward exchanged glances. I sighed, and pulled my shield away from Anna. Maybe if he knew how I really felt, he would leave me alone.

From the corner of my eye, I could see Edward stiffen slightly and then he nodded.

"Bella, can you?" Anna asked me, eying me carefully.

"You know, you really are leaving me no choice now. I feel like I am cornered or something, because I have no way to get out of this."

"Yes, you have. You can make the choice. That is all you have to do. You can choose to walk away again, and I promise I will leave you alone then."

I shivered at the velvet voice that drifted to me. Even though I couldn't see his eyes to confirm it, I heard every emotion in it. Hope. Determination. Sadness. Anger. And something I hadn't heard since the morning of my 18th birthday: _Love._

I sighed.

"Just talking. Nothing more, nothing less. I will listen to what you have to say to me, but that is all I am going to do."

Anna and Edward locked eyes again, and if I wasn't crazy I thought I saw both of them smile a little. But it went so fast, that it was probably just my imagination.

"Where are we going to talk?" I asked then, looking at Anna.

"We're going back to my parent's house. I know you stayed there for one night, and if you're going on a walk together around the meadows, you'll have enough privacy to talk. Just _don't eat the cows._" She said, smiling a little.

I couldn't help but laugh, avoiding everyone's gaze. I didn't want them to see that I was about to double over in pain at the mentioning of a meadow.

I nodded, and we left Amsterdam.

--

**That is it for now, the chapter is too long to update at once. Besides, this felt like a good place to stop. I hope you all liked it, the next update will be… tomorrow I think. I hope so, at least. I have the whole day off, so I have enough time to write. I hope my inspiration will not leave me in the mean time.**


	17. Chapter 17: Progress? Part 2

**Chapter 17: Progress? –part 2**

**As you will see, there are some words from New Moon**** in this chapter. However, I wrote them down straight out of my head, so I don't know if I have them word for word. Plus, I rearranged the words. Apologies for that.**

When we stepped out of the train, I had the strong urge to run away.

I didn't want to be here, and I didn't want to talk to him. But after running away, I felt like I owed him that. But that was the only reason.

_Sure,_ Bella said in my head. I sighed, and followed Anna back to her house.

She lived in a small village, but it was nice. People greeted each other as soon as they saw them, and many people wore smiles on their faces.

I felt uncomfortable, and that wasn't only because Anna's happiness that was radiating off her, smiling towards Colin, touching briefly and holding hands.

It didn't make me want to gag, unlike what I expected. It was sweet, and it brought back nice memories.

I sighed, causing Edward, who was walking next to me, to look at me. I didn't look back.

After ten minutes – we walked slightly faster than a human would – we reached Anna's house, and they greeted her lovingly.

"Back again?" Yvonne, Anna's mother, said.

I smiled briefly and shook my head.

"No, I am here because… well, not because I was forced to, but you can certainly see it that way."

Martin raised his eyebrow at his daughter.

She smiled innocently. "What?"

"Are you forcing her to do something?"

She shook her head. "No, dad. You know I wouldn't do that. I'll explain later."

She turned around, facing us. Edward stiffened slightly, and without knowing it I stepped aside. Anna smiled a little and grabbed our hands.

"You two are going to walk. I'll explain how to get home again. It is better if you use human speed, otherwise you'll be back in, like, a minute."

After the directions, she kicked us out.

_Great! Some time alone with Edward!_ Bella exclaimed happily in my head.

She was getting stronger, and though I tried my best the Bella part of me began to come back.

It scared me to death.

We walked in silence for a while, turning into a small path that Anna had told us to take.

"What did you want to say to me?" I said, breaking through the silence.

"I don't know where to start. That is kind of the reason why I haven't said anything yet." he said, surprisingly not looking at me.

I waited till he did say something. It took him a while.

"I know… I've realized that you won't believe me when I tell you that I love you. I understand that I've hurt you too much, and I also understand that you won't trust me. I am not asking that from you either. I think… all I want is another chance." With the last words, he turned to me, locking my eyes with his.

I couldn't talk. I stopped breathing.

The Bella part of me was celebrating, and all I wanted to do for a moment was hug him, tell him yes. Tell him that I love him, that I never stopped loving him.

But I got my control back and didn't say a thing. I thought about what I was going to say, how I was going to respond.

It was reasonable, giving him another chance. I mean, there was no harm in that. But was I going to put myself at risk again?

I kept thinking about a way to explain how I felt, to explain what had happened to me.

"When you left… you closed a door behind you. Behind that door was me, and you were on the other side. Nobody has been able to get in yet. Not Anna, not even Jacob. You are the only one who has the key."

He nodded, and thought about that for a moment.

"But you are not going to let me use the key, are you?" he said then.

"You took one part of the key with you. That part is back in the door, but it is not possible for you to turn the key."

I referred to the Bella part of me. When he returned into my life, Bella returned into my mind. Part one of opening the door was complete.

"And the other part of key… I almost used it before, right? But then Anna… interfered." he said after a moment of silence.

I nodded again, surprised that he understood this much.

"I saw it in your eyes." he smiled lightly at the memory.

"Bella… are you ever going to give me the chance of unlocking that door? Are you going to give me another chance?"

"What you ask of me is reasonable, I know that. But the thing is… I don't know if I can handle that. I can't survive it again, if you leave me for the second time."

"Telling you that I will never let you go again won't help, right?" his voice trembled a bit, and I gulped.

I felt weaker and weaker, my control slowly slipping away again.

"No, that won't help. I will think about it, though. That is the answer you get from me now. You'll have to deal with that."

We continued walking, still at human pace.

"Can I ask you something?" he said suddenly.

"Depends." I answered shortly.

"Why did you leave Yale when you found out that Alice and Jasper were there as well?"

I sighed.

"Jasper reminded me of the reason why you left. I couldn't stand that; every link towards you was painful. And Alice hurt me too, because she left without saying goodbye."

"You think that saying goodbye would have helped? You would still be devastated, you would still be hurt. Look where our goodbye brought us. I was the one who told her to do it."

"If you hadn't said goodbye…" I trailed off, not knowing the words to explain what would have happened then.

He waited.

"I would have been waiting for you to come back, I am sure of that. After a while, I would have let you go. Probably without…"

I realized that it wasn't his leaving that killed me. It was his words that hurt the most.

He stopped breathing, probably realizing the same thing.

"So my lies…" he choked out.

I glared at him, warning him to not go further.

"Yes, Bella, I lied to you. Telling you that I don't love you was the very blackest kind of blasphemy. How can you, after all the other times that I told you that I loved you, still think that I don't love you? If I could ever live without needing you?"

I stared at him blankly.

"Seriously, Bella. I can't live in a world where you don't exist. You don't know how hard it was for me to be without you. I couldn't help but breaking my promise, I had to come back."

"I don't want to hear this, Edward. Haven't you hurt me enough?" I snapped at him.

The words he said hurt so much. It felt like I had died once, brought back to life, and died again. My change was nothing compared to this. I would love to take the pain of the change again, and I would embrace it. The pain that ripped me apart now was threatening to take me under again.

"I guess I did, but you have to listen to me. You have to hear me out."

"No! I don't want to hear it. It sounds like lying to me anyway. I don't want to hear your lies."

"How can you believe the lie, and not the truth?" he whispered, obviously hurt.

"It never made sense for you to love me." I told him, whispering as well.

"You never saw yourself clearly, and I see that you still haven't learned that." he closed his eyes, and sighed.

"Let's go back at our normal speed," he said after a moment of silence.

"First, I want to tell you something. I am going to leave Holland, and I am not going to tell you where I will go. I need time to think. I will promise you I will go back to Forks as soon as I figured things out. After leaving you in London, you deserve to know what I am going to do. I just… I need to think. Can you give me the promise not to follow me?"

"I promise. But if you are not back in Forks after a month, I am going to find you again. In the mean time, I am not going to be in Forks either. I need to think as well." he said, looking me in the eye.

I gulped, but smiled weakly.

Then we ran back, reaching the house in twenty seconds.

"Too fast." Anna said, as soon as we stepped into the kitchen.

"No, Anna, it's okay. We talked, and it's okay. Bella is going to leave Holland, and she won't tell us where she'll go. We arranged to meet each other in Forks in a month." Edward said, locking the eyes with Anna.

She smiled, and nodded.

"Izzy, I've got your stuff here. I think you want to take them with you."

I smiled back, and hugged her.

"I think Bella is fine now." I whispered in her ear, too low for the others to hear.

She smiled.

"Okay then. I'll see you in Forks. If not, Colin and I are going to find you."

"And of course, Edward is coming with you then."

They all nodded, surprised at my light tone.

"I'll see you guys in a month." I said, grabbing my stuff. I hesitated at the door, my thoughts overwhelming me for a moment.

I went back, and gave Edward a quick kiss on his cheek.

And with that, I left again.

**So… progress, huh ******** I hope you guys liked it, I was certainly happy to write it. You can't believe how hard it is to write things while you know they aren't right.**

**Leave me a little review!**


	18. Chapter 18: Paris

**Chapter 18: Paris**

**Luckily, I've been to Paris myself two years ago, and I remember a few things. It made this chapter more realistic.**

I took the train to the nearest airport, which was in Amsterdam. I bought a last-minute ticket, and boarded the plain an hour later.

I closed my eyes, trying to get all the thoughts out of my head. Of course, that didn't work.

Edward wanted another chance. At first I couldn't figure it out. A chance for what? But then I slowly realized that he probably meant another chance with _me._

Why would he ask for that? I shook my head, making the man next to me look up worriedly.

I shrugged and smiled a little, and the man looked away again.

As soon as we arrived in Paris, my thoughts overflowed my mind.

In here, I had seen Edward for the first time in years. The only bad thing was that I was on top of the Eiffel Tower, while he had been a few miles away. I had caught a shade of bronze, tousled hair and there was no doubt about the fact that it had been Edward.

Of course I had been too late. I wasn't fast enough to catch him, and I lost his trail again.

I hadn't told anyone about that. Anna didn't know I had seen him. Right after that we had met Marc, who had met Edward as well, just a few hours before we met him. He told us that he was on his way to Italy, and he decided to come with us.

It was the first time I had actually seen Edward, and it had made me want to find him even more. Of course, now I was trying to avoid him.

When I went to the Eiffel Tower again, I had a sense of déjà vu. It sort of felt like I was being watched. But I ignored it and kept wandering around Paris.

--

--

It was late in the evening, and I was walking past the Louvre in the direction of the Notre Dame. I crossed a bridge, and walked over the river.

I really enjoyed being here, despite the reason. I loved Paris, and I wouldn't mind staying here for the rest of my month. There was enough to see, and I had a lot to think about.

I felt more like myself, more than I had since my change. Since Edward left me, I sort of pushed myself away to forget how much I had been hurt. But now I was able to think about it all without all the pain. It was still there, don't get me wrong, but it was... less noticeable. It was pushed to the background, less on the surface. I still felt it when I thought about the past for too long, but I could live with it now.

I felt ready to be me again. But I wasn't ready to be with Edward again. I knew that I would feel the pain again as soon as he touched me. I could touch him, that was no problem at all. But his touches... they were too much to handle.

So, how was I going to handle this? I _wanted_ to give him another chance, that was not the point. However, I did not know how I _could _give him another chance. How would I be able to live with Edward? I would constantly be reminded of everything that had happened in the past, especially his words in the woods.

How did that fit together? Wanting to be together, but not being able to. Not without pain. Would I risk that pain, including the pain that it would cause Edward to see it?

I crossed another bridge again, walking towards the Notre Dame. I set down on a bench on the square in front of it, watching the entertainers and tourists. The tourists were clapping their hands while the entertainers did their tricks.

_Edward_. Suddenly it made me think about something.

What if he _did _love me? How would he feel about this? What if it was the other way around?

I would want a chance, no matter what. But I wouldn't force him either, just like he wasn't forcing me. He was just asking me for a chance. It would be painful, though, if he didn't believe that I loved him. It would definitely make me feel bad.

I gulped, realizing that what I was doing something wrong. I was causing him pain now by running away and avoiding him. I did not want to listen to him, just because the words hurt me. But I forgot about the fact that my acting this way was hurting him too.

Suddenly a human walked by, and a burning in my throat reminded me that I needed to hunt soon. I needed to get back to the USA soon, but I hadn't made my decision yet. It was against our promise to go back before I knew what to do. I didn't want to give him hope, knowing it would only hurt him more if I chose to avoid him.

_NO!_ A silent voice in my head made me cringe. And then I knew I couldn't do that. I could not about him, and now that Bella and Izzy were melting together to a new person again, their feelings were also coming together. My feelings for Edward had not really changed.

Thinking about everything made me realize something else. Ever since Edward had returned, Bella had become stronger. At least, that was what I thought. But it wasn't true.

I was becoming _me_ again, but just stronger. My hart ruled my head again, though my head was not ignored. All I had to do was balance those things and make decisions the right way.

But how to know when to listen to which one?

Right now, my heart wanted nothing more than to be with Edward. But my head reminded me of the pain it would cause me, and said no. My head was against my heart.

So now all I had to do was find a solution that was something in the middle. It would cause me pain, no doubt about that, but maybe I could avoid causing Edward pain as well.

I stood up and walked back to my hotel, trying to find the right thing to do.

Being a vampire was easier than being human, because besides finding a solution, I was also going through my memories. The memories of when I was still human, both the good ones and the bad ones, were less detailed than I wanted them to be, though the feelings were still just as strong. The ones of my change made me think again.

His voice had soothed me, trying to calm me. He had told me that everything would be all right, that he would be there for me. He had said that he loved me, and that he missed me. He had held me, calming me a bit with his scent.

I hadn't believed it was real. I thought it was just a stupid thing my brain did, trying to torture me even more. But he _had_ been there, and he had soothed me. It made me feel strange. He had told me he loved me then. He wouldn't lie at such moment, would he?

I shook it off, and stopped when I realized I had reached Pont Neuf. I looked around, and realized that it was around midnight.

And then I froze.

Before the wind blew his scent to me, I already knew who was standing on the bridge. Part of me was furious, the other one surprised.

Then he turned around, catching my scent as well.

"Seriously?" we both said at once. I looked at him for a moment, catching his dark eyes. They were brown now, which meant that he needed to hunt as well. I took him in for a moment, and then I laughed.

He looked surprised for a moment, and then he laughed as well.

We matched. I was wearing my brown coat with a beige turtleneck under it, and my blue jeans. He wore something like it.

I smiled, shaking my head at the memory of that day. Going to our meadow had changed everything.

Was that a sign? Would today change everything as well? Would my decision be the right one, or the wrong one?

I walked over to him, and sighed.

"You really didn't follow me, did you?" I asked him. Surprisingly, the anger had faded away. I was just amazed that we had chosen the same place to go to think about this whole situation.

"No, of course not. How could I? You didn't tell anyone where you were going. Even Anna had no idea. I hired a privet jet and it brought me here. I walked around Paris all day, not knowing what to do."

I smiled again, not able to suppress it. "I sort of did the same, except that I was bringing back my memories all day."

He looked at me for a moment, but he didn't say anything. He seemed to wait for me to say something.

I thought about what I was going to say. I needed more time to think, that was sure.

"Here in Paris was the first time I saw you again, after you..." My voice broke for a moment, the pain of the memory coming up again. I pushed it away, but he had understood what I wanted to say.

"You haven't told Anna that..." he said, not even questioning it. For a moment I was surprised he knew that, but I nodded then.

"Anna told me that the first time you saw me was in Italy. How come she doesn't know?"

I shrugged. "We met Marc short after that, so she was too busy making friends with him. I didn't tell Andrea either, though she had already joined us. I have the feeling that she knows it anyway, or at least she expects something. She never said anything about it, so I am not sure."

He nodded. Silence surrounded us, time passing by. We kept standing there, on the bridge.

I felt that he was slightly tensed, but I couldn't figure out why that was. Maybe he had seen some disturbing things.

"Are Anna and Colin alright?" I asked then, trying to break the tension a bit. It didn't disappear.

"Yes, they are alright. They booked a flight back to the USA, they leave the day after tomorrow."

I nodded, looking at the water again.

"They were surprised though by your... actions." he hesitated, it seemed like he didn't know how to bring it up, or even if he should.

It didn't bother me. I even smiled a bit. Surprise was exactly what I wanted him to feel.

"Why did you do it?" he said, when I didn't say a thing.

"I can ask you the same. Why did you leave me?" I already knew the answer before he said it, and it surprised me that I thought it. Was I starting to believe it?

"Because I love you." I smiled.

"Exactly."

"So... what does that mean?" he said after a moment of silence. He seemed to process that for a moment.

"What do you mean?" I said, smiling sweetly. I knew very well I was confusing him, and that was exactly what I wanted. I was confused as well, and this gave me some time to think.

My mind was still working at full speed to find a solution while I was taking to Edward. I was slightly disappointed that he decided to bring it up this soon.

"Well... Bella is back, that much is obvious... but have you thought-"

"Yes, I _have_. And no, I have made no decision yet. You need to give me time. I am already doing more than I had planned in the first place! Give me some credit, please." I couldn't help but snap. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself.

"Bella isn't _back_, she has always been there. I have always been there. Bella was my heart, Izzy was my brain. I am trying to figure out how to let those two work together."

He nodded, not surprised even the slightest bit.

We stood there for a little while, but the silence was uncomfortable.

"I'll let you know soon. How about we go hunting together tomorrow?" I proposed, feeling slightly surprised that I said my thought out loud.

"No. You need time to think. I'll let you alone until you've made a choice." he said, looking away. He didn't like it, that he needed to stay away from me.

"Here's my number, you can contact me as soon as you know." he gave me a paper with a number written on it.

I nodded. "I will."

And then he walked away, leaving me alone to my thoughts.

**I hope you liked it, I tried to make it sound like Bella. Did that work out?**


	19. Chapter 19: Choices

**Chapter 19: Choices**

When Edward left me, I was stunned for a moment. Of course I knew that it wasn't a goodbye, but it still felt like it was.

Except for the fact that I now had a way of contacting him. I could do that any moment.

All I had to do was make her decision. But choosing between two things that were both hurting someone was so hard!

I sighed, and went back to my hotel, not minding where I was walking.

Then my phone started to buzz, and I checked to see who it was.

"Hey! Where are you now? Edward's gone anyway, so you can tell me now. He won't be able to follow you." Anna's voice said in my ear.

I smiled. "Well, he didn't need to know where I went."

Silence. "What does that mean?"

"It means that a few minutes ago, I was standing on Pont Neuf talking to Edward."

"WHAT?" she screeched. I held my phone as far from my ear as I could to keep myself from getting deaf.

"You don't need to scream, Anna. I can hear you even when you whisper." I told her, smirking a bit.

"What happened?" she breathed, obviously in shock.

"Well, I was walking around in Paris, thinking about this situation-"

"About taking him back, I hope." she interrupted me eagerly.

I sighed, but smiled anyway. "Actually, I was."

" Yay!" Anna cheered, and I cleared my throat. "Sorry, continue, please."

"Well, long story short, I sort of bumped into him and we talked a bit. No fights, no- well I can't say no awkwardness because Edward was acting a little strange, but it was okay."

"Iz?"

"Yes?" I answered automatically.

"You are not Izzy anymore, are you? You don't sound like the Izzy I know."

I thought about it for a moment, and answered cautiously. "I am still trying to figure that out."

"Okay. Now, good luck then, I have to get back to Colin. Have fun in Paris!"

"Thanks. Tell the others I said hi."

"Will do. Bye!"

"Bye."

I put my phone away and went into my hotel. I smiled to the lady behind the desk and went to my room.

Anna was right. If she noticed, the others would probably notice it as well as soon as they saw me again.

Would I be with Edward the next time I saw them? Or would I still be alone?

I realized that I wouldn't like the latter. I didn't want to let Edward go now. Plus, I would definitely keep wondering how things would have been for the rest of my ever-lasting life.

So banning him out of my life was not an option, but actually being together with him was also not possible. What then?

--

--

That night the solution hit me, and I send a text to Edward.

_I need to talk to you._

_-B_

Soon after that I got an answer.

_Sure. When & where?_

_-E_

I told him to meet me beneath the Eiffel Tower around eleven. He confirmed that, and I decided to go shopping. After all, who could be in Paris without taking time to walk around the Champs Elysees?

After that, I still had an hour left. Because I had nothing to do, I went to the Eiffel Tower. I bought a ticket, and went to the top.

I wasn't sure I made me right choice, but I had to choose _something._ This was probably the best one possible. It would probably hurt both of us a little, but I could live with that.

_Let's hope Edward can, too._

When my watch said it was 10:45 I went down again. I had seen him coming from afar, seeing his bronze hair with my vampire sight.

He waited for me, his face looking expressionless. I was sure that was just a mask. If he really loved me, he would be feeling a thousand things. At least, I was.

When I reached him, I tried to calm myself a bit, but I felt so nervous that I was about to run away in fear that he would reject my proposal.

"Well?" he said, his anxiousness breaking through his voice.

"I can't really be with you…" he frowned, and I saw fear in his eyes. Was he afraid of my answer? I tried to ignore it.

"Let's go for a walk, okay? I can talk better if I can be distracted."

He nodded, his eyes wary and his lips in a tight line. His shoulders were tensed, and in his eyes I could see many emotions.

"I can't be with you-"

"You said that already. Can you continue?" he really was impatient, and it made me smile. That only fueled the anger I had seen in his eyes, and he was about to snap at me when I continued.

"If you would allow me to continue, I can tell you my choice and why I made it. Can I start again without being interrupted?"

He nodded again, and looked away.

"I can't really be with you; it would hurt me too much. But I am not able to live without you anymore either. I know that I would keep wondering about how it could have been."

He waited for me to continue, but I was trying to find the words that disappeared from my mind as soon as I saw him. He was still tensed, when he spoke again.

"And that means?"

I didn't know what to say. He was never short, and he was never rude. Now he was both. I blinked, and tried to process that.

"It means that I _want_ to be with you. That has never been the problem, I think. The problem is that I don't know if I _can._ I told you before, I will never be sure that you won't leave me again. And you are right, promising me will not be enough. But I want to _try_. I need time."

"More time?" he asked, raising his eyebrow in surprise.

"Yes, but not in the way you expect, I think."

Our eyes locked for a moment, and I felt like I was teenage Bella with all the hormones running through me. However, it were no hormones but feelings. I knew he could read them in my eyes. He was never able to read my mind, but he could still read me like a book.

I saw that he softened a bit, probably both at my words and my eyes.

"Okay. I may be smart, and I can figure lots of things out, but you lost me."

At least the rudeness was gone.

"I… want to start over."

"W-What?"

"Well… I need time to adjust to things. I need time to get used to _you_ again. As I said, we need to start over."

"Like… pretending we don't know each other?"

"No, not in that way. But we can start… dating again…?" It didn't come out the way I wanted, but it was the best I could do right now.

"Dating?"

"Are you going to repeat me again?" I smirked.

He grinned back, hesitantly.

"So... You want to start dating again. Start over." he said, thinking out loud.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Well, as I said, I can't be together with you yet. You need to earn my trust back, though I am not sure if you'll be able to do that, but you can try. But I can't live without you, so I had to find something in the middle. Something that my mind and heart can both agree with."

"I know that if I choose to be together with you, you'll be happy. But I will be in pain. I can't bear your touch yet."

"But you kissed my cheek!" he said, sounding astounded. His mind was probably going crazy.

"Yes, I can touch you. But your touches… they'll remind me of too much." I said, turning around the words a bit, they didn't come out the way I had them in mind.

I saw him wince a little. I looked away, and continued.

"I also know that if I tell you to leave me alone, you won't ask for another chance. But you won't give me one either, and I don't want that to happen. I want to have another chance with you. But I need time."

"I understand. So, for short, we are going to start dating again? And I am not allowed to touch you?"

"Well, sort of. I am going back to Forks the day after tomorrow. I bought my ticket this morning. But after that, I also need some time. A lot has happened lately, and I need some time to come to myself again."

He seemed to think about that. "Okay. I was planning to go back to Forks on Saturday, so that gives us two more days together. Are we going to spend those together, or do you want to avoid me?"

"Well, I am not sure. We can do something together, but I am not sure if I am able to."

"Good. As long as your heart keeps talking, I'll be able to handle it." he smiled a little, and for the first time I saw that it was sincere. The smile lit his whole face up, and it made me feel very happy that I had found the right solution. It made both me and Edward happy.

I took a deep breath, and sighed then.

"So, what are we going to do now?" Edward said, turning around to look at the Eiffel Tower.

"First I am going to call Anna. After that, I'd like to go to the Louvre. I passed by yesterday, but I didn't go in."

He smiled again, and it was more like the crooked smile I loved so much. It made me smile as well, and I couldn't help but kiss his cheek.

His face fell a little, and he looked hurt for a moment.

"You have no idea how hard it is going to be for me."

I looked up, surprised.

"What? If you don't want to-"

"What? You think I don't want to be with you? God, Bella! I followed you to London, to Amsterdam and now we met here again by accident. I'd follow you all over the world if I had to. I know you are not convinced that I love you-"

"I know, Edward."

"W-What? You know? Since when?"

"Actually, I am not convinced. But maybe if I keep telling myself that you love me, I'll be able to believe it one day. Am I allowed to call Anna now?"

"Sure." he grinned, and turned around to walk away.

I quickly grabbed his coat. "Who said you were allowed to leave?"

He turned around again, his eyebrow raised and his eyes questioning me.

I smiled. "You're not leaving my sight again anytime soon. You're stuck with me now." I said, using the words he sort of said to me in London.

"Trust me, it's the other way around. I am just going to stand over there to give you some privacy."

It was my turn to raise my eyebrow. "Right. Privacy. You'll need to be miles away to give me some privacy. No, you'll be staying right here."

"Okay." he winked, and I stopped breathing for a moment.

He was turning in my old Edward again. The Edward I had fallen in love with.

The day I saw him for the first time, just a little over a week ago, he looked like hell. And now his eyes were a little lighter, the happiness in them changing them a bit. His posture had changed the most. He was more open, and it made him even more beautiful.

I turned around, trying to catch my breath and calm down. Then I pulled my phone out of my pocket, and called Anna.

"Hey! You called me yesterday! Already something's changed?"

"Yes. We are going back to the USA in a few days."

"What?! Seriously?" she exclaimed happily.

"Yes. I've made my choice. The decision has been made."

"This fast? Really? How come that you weren't able to do that earlier?"

"I had to think things through first. I needed time to realize things first."

"Time, time. You and your time. It makes me-"

"Do you want to talk to Edward?" I said when Edward made the 'hand me over the phone' sign to me. I smiled when he winked again.

"Sure. Is he there?"

"Yes, right next to me. I'll talk to you later, okay? I am back in Forks within four days, and Edward will follow soon after."

"Okay. Bye!"

I handed the phone over, and then the feelings washed through me, as if I had been holding them back. Maybe I had.

I wanted to scream out loud, I was too happy to keep all those feelings inside. I felt like dancing around, jumping up and down. I wanted to yell to the world that Edward and I were going to be together again. That he was going to be _mine_ again. Someday.

Of course, I didn't do all of those things. I didn't want to embarrass myself. I was already too happy that I wasn't clumsy anymore; this would only make me feel like the earth needed to swallow me.

When I turned around to face Edward, he had my phone is his hands. The grin on his face made me feel so happy; it told me that he felt the same way.

Then I couldn't help myself anymore, and jumped right into his arms, and hugged him tightly. The Bella side of me took over completely, the happiness only feeding it. My non-beating heart swelled up with love, and I couldn't help but grin widely.

"You're allowed to pull your arms around me now." I whispered into his coat, still smiling when he stood stiffly, waiting for me to let go.

He relaxed, and hugged me even tighter. I felt his breath in my hair, and on that moment I couldn't have felt happier.

**So, I hope you all liked it. I am not sure about the ending… I want to put it in, but it also seems… wrong somehow. I don't know. I've thought about it for hours and hours, but I couldn't come up with something better. I hope it's okay.**

**I want to let you know that this is not the end of my story yet. But I do need some time to think about how to continue. I have the ending scene already in my head, but I can't let this story go yet. I need to have some ideas (anyone suggestions?) before continuing with the following chapters. **

**I hope this was satisfying enough for a while!**

**Leave me a little review to tell me what you think :)**


	20. Chapter 20: Tourists

**Chapter 20: Tourists**

**I can't believe I've already reached 20 chapters! I mean, according to my outlines and planning I had when I started this story, the story had ended at chapter 16! (You see what reviews can do to a writer… they give inspiration! *hint*)**

**Unfortunately, I am sick. Luckily, I stayed home from school so now I have time to write between all the coughing and stuff. **

**Enjoy! *cough cough… again******** ***

"You know, I am really sorry about it." I said, trying to figure out how to balance my urges.

We were walking towards the Louvre as promised, now crossing the Jardin Du Luxembourg, also known as the Luxemburg Gardens. It was nice, but it was not what I expected. I expected Napoleon to stay in Versailles, the gorgeous palace a few miles away from Paris. It had the most beautiful garden I had ever seen, and it was so huge. I loved that place.

I couldn't remember what I was going to think next, because Edward grabbed my left hand, and spun me around.

"Bella, as I said twenty times before, don't be sorry. I don't regret it." he sighed, and shook his head.

"You have no idea how your skin feels. It feels like it is supposed to be like this. It's like you were meant to be a vampire, together with me." he said, adding another thought to it.

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"What do you mean by that?"

He laughed a little, and he seemed to be pleased that I didn't say anything about the hand that was still holding mine.

"You can't see it, I think, but you are more natural as a vampire. Not to mention the fact that you are more graceful, and if I may add it you are even more beautiful. The word beautiful doesn't cover it."

He shook his head again, and I took my hand back.

We started walking again slowly - slower than most of the humans around here. The tourists all seemed to be eager to go to the Louvre, but I was just eager to spend some time with Edward.

_When you ask him, he'll never leave your side anymore. He'd stay with you for the rest of your existence. You know that. Why don't you give in?_

I couldn't fight that thought, because I didn't really have the real answer. All I knew was that I was afraid. But I couldn't say afraid of what.

"Can we sit down there for a moment?" I said, pointing to a bench next to the fountain. Edward nodded, and we walked over there.

"There is something I don't understand. You said this seems to be how it's supposed to be. Then why were you so reluctant to change me?" I said, asking him the question that had been burning for a few years now.

"I wanted to protect you, Bella. We are soulless monsters. We aren't supposed to live. We don't live happy lives; we have to kill to survive. I didn't want such life for you." he answered without hesitating. His voice seemed to have some sadness in it.

"I disagree with that. Yes, we kill to survive. But animals do the same. We are just more animalized humans. There is nothing wrong with it. And I don't think we are soulless, and we _can_ live happy lives. If I look at Alice and Jasper, they really live a happy life. Especially when the family is all together. You all seem to be happy then. And weren't you happy when you were with me?"

"Yes, I was." he gave in. "But why don't you think we're soulless?"

"Because people without a soul wouldn't be able to find their soul mates. It happened with Carlisle and Esme, then Rosalie and Emmett, Alice and Jasper found each other… You can't love someone when you don't have a soul either. You would be emotionless, and I have never met someone like that, either human of vampire."

"You might have a point, but I still don't see it that way."

Even though the conversation was no more than a whisper, I felt that people around us were getting uncomfortable. I had the idea that two beautiful creatures (I had to use Edward's words) sitting on a bench together without talking seemed to be a little weird. We weren't touching either, so they couldn't figure out what our relationship was.

_Nonexistent_¸ the Izzy part of me thought.

_Soul mates, meant to be together but not ready yet_, my heart told me.

I sighed.

"Can I ask you something else?"

He looked at me. "Curious, huh?"

"Well, since you seem to be honest with me for the first time since we met I think, I'd like to know some things, yes."

"Okay then, but if you ask me a question that I refuse to answer, you must let it go immediately. Fire away then," He said when I nodded in agreement.

"Can you tell me what Alice's vision was that made you so scared? We never really talked about it after… the hospital."

A strange look appeared on his face, but as soon as it was there, it was gone as well. I didn't have time to place it.

I studied Edward's face for a moment, and I tried to read it. He seemed to hesitate, and I hoped that he was going to tell me.

"She saw two visions, both possible futures by then."

"Okay… what did she see?"

"I don't want to scare you."

"Ah, the running away thing again, huh? Did I ever run away from you?"

He looked amused, and then it hit me.

"When I was human, idiot. I never ran away from you when you told me something that was supposed to scare any other human."

"True, but that feeling never went away I guess. Well, one vision was us… in our meadow. You were dead, I drank your blood… I know it was me because my eyes were red…" He whispered, pain crossing his face. I automatically grabbed his hand, and laced my fingers through his to calm him.

"The other one was you and Alice, arms around each other. Your skin was sparkling in the sunlight. It was obvious you were a vampire, and Alice seemed to be your best friend."

Again, it was just a whisper, and I couldn't help but shiver at both the options he had back then.

"So it was either you'd kill me, or I would have been turned into a vampire."

"Yes. And with everything that happened, nothing changed with both the options. The outcome seemed inevitable. And when I made my choice, that I would never hurt you, the other future seemed to be set in stone."

"And it came out. I am a vampire."

"Yes."

"When did Alice have this vision?" I asked then.

It seemed that he didn't want to answer that question. I had the idea that he changed the answer, that he was hiding something from me.

"When we had lunch in the cafeteria, talking about the day of the ball, I decided to take you to the meadow. Alice's vision came up in my head again, she saw it, and she told me that she already loved you. I wasn't _allowed_ to kill you, even then." He chuckled softly, but there was still a dark edge to his voice.

"So that's why you suddenly started pursuing me to tell Charlie."

"To give me a reason to take you back, yes."

"Well, I'm glad we won't have _those_ problems anymore."

He smiled a bit, his eyes still sad.

"So am I."

"And I am glad I understand now. Thank you for telling me. And by the way, sorry that I let you eat something. I never realized how… awful it is."

"It's okay. " He grinned again, his eyes relaxing a bit.

I sighed again, trying to control the urge to jump him again.

"Shall we go in there now, or do you want to stay here forever? I don't mind, as long as I can be with you."

I warned him, glaring at him to tell him that he was crossing the lines.

"Sorry. But do you want to go in there?" he said, smiling his crooked smile.

Bastard. He wasn't sorry at all. Part of me laughed, part of me growled. I couldn't choose which one to show at him, so I chose to ignore it.

"Yes, let's go."

--

--

A few hours later we left the Louvre again, and surprisingly I felt relaxed. We were still holding hands, something that Edward seemed to enjoy a lot. It was meaningless to me; after all I had held hands with Jake too, when we were friends.

Jake. That reminded me of something.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"When you come back to Forks, and you come to my house and I'm not there, you don't need to worry. I'll be back soon then. "

"Okay, whatever you want." he said. I smiled a bit.

I let go of his hand, and immediately my body started to protest. It missed the contact immediately, and I couldn't help but growl at that reaction. Edward sighed, and I wondered if he felt the same.

"When does your flight leave?" he asked then.

I looked at my cell phone.

"In eight hours. I am going back to my hotel now to pack my stuff. After that, I'll go to the airport. I think I'll see you back in Forks."

He smiled. "Yes. If I haven't visited you yet, you must come over to my house. I'll be there if you need me earlier than my visit."

I nodded, shivering slightly at the memory of what happened the last time I was in his house. The pain threatened to come back, so I quickly concentrated on something else. I didn't want to break down in front of Edward.

His eyes were narrowed when he was looking at me. I managed to force a smile, but he kept looking at me the same way. I gulped a bit, and I knew I was caught.

"You know, the guilt I feel will never go away." he whispered, stepping forward.

I gulped again. "You don't have to feel guilty. Look, I've got to go now. I'll talk to you soon."

He didn't react, so I turned and walked away.

**Sorry, it's a bit shorter than usual, but this way I can start with the next chapter soon. And this seemed to be a nice ending. **

**I hoped you liked it! If I get enough reviews, I may be nice and update **_**very**_** soon :) **


	21. Chapter 21: Back

**Chapter 21: Back**

**This chapter is dedicated to VampireGirl15, because I know she'll enjoy this much more than I did writing it. This is for you, because I broke my promise. This way I sort of kept it anyway. You know what I mean.**

When I came back to Forks, I didn't know what do to first.

I wanted to clean up my house, but I found out that it had been cleaned already. I sniffed, and smelled werewolf. Seth again.

It was nice to know that I didn't need to clean anymore. It made my choices easier.

I went hunting, knowing that I needed to do that very soon or otherwise I might lose control. Even though I had better control than any other vampire, if I became too thirsty, I might snap.

Besides, my black eyes would be noticed.

--

After my hunting trip, I went to the cemetery. I knew I had to do something, just as I had promised him.

"Hi, Jake. I'm back in Forks, probably for a while so I can visit you more often now."

I sighed. The silly feeling of talking to a stone never went away, but somehow I felt like he could actually hear me.

"I think you are wondering why I am back, well… it's a really long story. I'll keep it short, I think. Let's just say I ran into Edward and he told me he loved me, but I didn't believe him, I still don't, so I ran away. I went to London, but he followed me." I paused.

"Then Anna took him to Amsterdam, where I happened to be as well, and then we talked and he asked me to give him another chance. I said I'd think about it, and went to Paris. Yeah, I followed my old route again, quite ironic, isn't it? Anyways, he happened to be there, and since nobody knew where I was going, he couldn't have followed me. I have thought about this situation for a really long time, and I still don't know what to do. I suggested starting over, but I have no idea what's going to happen next…" I started rambling at first, but my voice slowly turned into a whisper when the pain came back with full force.

"I wish you were still alive to help me. You'd know what to do…" I sobbed finally, letting the pain go bit by bit.

Suddenly I heard something behind me, and I stopped sobbing immediately.

I didn't move, afraid to draw any more attention to myself. But then I saw what was standing there, and I smiled.

Standing there, right before me, was a wolf.

It was a normal wolf, not a werewolf like the pack. It wasn't over-sized, so I could see that it wasn't one of them. It wasn't a tame one either, but when it's eyes locked mine, I smiled.

The wolf stepped forward. I hold my breath, knowing that it wouldn't smell nice. He was still a wolf, after all. But to me, this wasn't just a wolf.

Jacob had found a way to visit me.

I smiled briefly and sat still. I waited for the wolf to come close. I didn't want to make any unexpected movements, afraid that the wolf would be scared and go away. Though, if it really was Jacob, he wouldn't do that.

The wolf was now within reach, and it looked at me with eyes that smiled. They were no normal wolf eyes; they were much smarter than that.

This made me think about the legend where the pack came from. I couldn't help but smile about this. Maybe the Indians were really descendants from the wolves.

I hesitated, but then I hugged the wolf. It responded by brushing its head to my shoulder, and I smiled.

"Jake! You've found a way… But for how long?" I asked him then, not even trying to hide the desperation in my voice.

The wolf lifted its shoulders and dropped them again- a shrug. He didn't know.

I said nothing for a while, just enjoying the company of the wolf.

This was another thing that I had been denying to myself. I kept telling myself that I didn't miss Jacob, and that he was the enemy because he was a wolf. But I really couldn't see him like that. He had been there for me when I was broken, and if he hadn't been there, I wouldn't have survived my black hole. It would have suffocated me, and if I hadn't had my own persona sun in my life, I might have tried to kill myself.

"Thank you, Jake." I whispered with all the emotions I had in me.

He responded by putting his nose to my cheek, which calmed me a bit.

"Jake, now that you're here… can you help me? Do you know what I have to do?"

_You two belong together. _

I smiled at that, and nodded. "People have been saying that a lot lately. My heart tells me the same, but my mind is the one that keeps saying that it can't be true."

_No matter how much I loved you, and still love you, I have always known you don't belong to me._

I smiled again, not knowing what to say.

I used the gift I hadn't know I had for a long time. I could connect minds if necessary. But I never used it, and I hadn't practiced with it, so it was very weak and it couldn't last long.

_You need time, I understand. But haven't you had enough time over the past. Sixty-five years to get over him? _

"I never got over him." I muttered.

_Then what is the problem?_

"I am afraid that he's going to leave me again."

_You really think he would do that? Are you crazy?_

I glared at the wolf, trying my hardest not to get angry.

"I am certainly not crazy. He did it before, so why not again? He promised that he wouldn't leave me before. I can't trust him."

_You really are one hell of a person, Bella. Edward will have his hands full. Trust him. He won't betray you again._

I glared at him again. "And how would you know that?"

_Because then I'll step in._

I heard the laugh in his voice, and I couldn't help but laugh myself. "Silly Jake. How could you do that? You're dead."

_As long as this wolf is alive, I'll be alive._

"Really?" I said, my voice raising two octaves in surprise.

The wolf nodded slowly, and I laughed again.

"I love you Jake. Always have. Just not in the same way." I sighed, and I knew I had said enough.

"Where are you going to stay?" I said, connecting our minds for the last time so I could hear his answer.

_I'll be in the woods. You'll know how to call me._

"Can Edward hear your thoughts? Will he know that you'll be close?"

The wolf raised its lips, and I realized it was a laugh. It shook its head, and I knew enough.

I laughed again, when I realized how silly this situation actually was. I was having a wolf as a pet, not to mention that wolves are supposed to be the only real enemy of vampires, and I happened to be one.

Something popped up in my mind again.

"Why didn't you come back sooner?" I couldn't hide the hurt in my voice.

_Because you didn't need me. You had to wish it from the bottom of your heart, and then I could come back._

"Idiot."

I looked at the wolf, and at the same moment it turned around and ran away.

I didn't feel like I was being left. I now knew that there would be someone there for me. Even if Edward left me again, there would be someone.

Though that was something that was not likely to happen, I reminded myself. If Edward left me again, I would ask the pack to kill me. I wouldn't be able to live through all that pain again.

Walking back to the house was comforting to me. I now knew that I was being protected.

Then something came up in my mind.

The pack. Should I tell them about Jake? About the wolf, the real wolf, now living around my house? They wouldn't understand it was Jacob if I wouldn't tell them.

I quickened my pace, but since there were a lot of people out today, I had to be careful. I kept it slightly faster than normal though, because I definitely needed my cell phone.

When I arrived back home, I immediately grabbed my cell phone and called Seth.

"Bel- Isabella? Why are you calling me? Did something happen?" he picked up after two rings, and started talking without saying hello.

"Hello to you too, Seth. Nice to hear you're still civilized."

"Bella?! You sound… normal again. Did something happen?" he repeated.

I laughed, truly happy for the first time since… well a long time ago.

"Yes, a lot of things happened. But for now you only need to know one of them. I don't have Sam's phone number, so the only one I could reach was you. Your pack needs to know something. It's very important so listen to me very carefully."

"Wow, Bells. You sound pretty serious there. Are you sure-"

"Seth! Listen to me! Yes, I am sure nothing is wrong. This is actually one of the very best things that happened lately, and that is including Edward and me trying again."

"SERIOUSLY? Bella are you sure? Are you giving him another chance? Oh, I am so happy for both of you, you really belong together."

"SETH! Ugh, I really wish people would stop saying that. First Anna, then Jake…"

"Wait, what? Jake? I missed something here…"

"Finally, I've got your attention. Yes, Jake. That is why I called you. There is a wolf staying around my house. Don't attack him. Don't do anything to him. You don't want to, trust me."

"Bella, you're being insane. Jacob is dead. He has been dead for quite a few years now. I think I lost track… but anyway, he is dead. Don't think he can come back."

"Trust me, I am not sure I believe it either."

Then I froze, because I felt something behind me. I turned around slightly, and saw the big brown wolf sitting in my kitchen.

"Okay, Seth, I take those words back. Just trust me, don't attack the wolf. I can't explain this, and I don't think you'll believe it."

"Stay there, Bella. I'm coming over."

"No, Seth, don-" but it was too late. He was already gone.

I shook my head frantically. The wolf looked at me, a strange grin on its face.

"Jacob, please don't laugh at me. I just didn't want you to get killed. If you don't mind that I told your friends, of course."

He shook his head.

I sighed, and sat down. I didn't know what to do now, so I just waited till Seth arrived.

"Bella? Are you there?"

"Yes, I am here. I am in the kitchen with Jake."

"Jake? Aw, Bella, do you still believe it?" he said, and then he froze.

Seth stood there, in the doorway, probably shocked to see the wolf sitting on Charlie's old chair, perfectly civilized.

His jaw dropped, and he blinked a few times.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously." I answered, grinning at Seth's reaction.

"How?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Just as I don't know why you keep cleaning my house. I am a vampire, you know. You are supposed to be my mortal enemy."

He grinned. "Edward and I became friends. He didn't want to enter your house too often; it hurt him too much. You weren't there with him, he couldn't bear it."

"Stop it, Seth. Please. Now, do you want to know why I am sure it's Jake?" I said, changing the subject quickly.

Seth nodded stupidly, and I took a deep breath.

"Now, I have never done this before, so I don't know if it'll work. I know I can only do it for myself, but I don't know if-"

"Whatever it is, just do it."

I nodded, and connected my mind with Jacob's.

_Are you sure?_

I nodded slightly, and I concentrated on Seth, trying to connect our minds.

"Wh-"

_**Don't talk, Seth. Just listen to what Jacob has to say,**_ I told him, not saying the words out loud.

"What Jake has to say? What are you talking about?"

_**Don't talk out loud, please. I have to concentrate hard enough on this. Jake? I think he's ready.**_

**Ready? What the hell?**

_Calm down, Seth. It's really me. _

"Holy fuck!" Seth screamed, jumping up. I lost my concentration, and the bond was lost again.

I was panting slightly, this power was draining me slowly.

"Seth! Seriously, I need to concentrate. I can't explain this now. Just listen, and _don't talk out loud!" _ I added for the effect.

Seth nodded, his eyes wide and his jaw dropped slightly.

"Are you ready? We don't have a lot of time, I can only hold this for a few minutes I think."

"Yes, sort of, I think."

I connected us again.

_**Seth, I need you to stay calm. Nothing is going to happen.**_

_See it as the way the pack is connected, Seth. Bella can do something like that._

**Holy shit. This is… strange. Jake, is it really you?**

_Yes, Seth. Can't you tell, baby boy?_

**Hey! Only Jake calls me that! Man, you really are Jacob, aren't you?**

_Yes, I am. I guess our legends were truer than we thought, huh._

**Yeah, tell me about it. **

_**Guys, get this over with. I don't have much power left, it is kind of tiring me. Seth, are you convinced?**_

**I guess I am.**

_**Good. Jake, if you want to say something from now on, you'll have to do it through me.**_

_Sure. Bye, Seth. Tell the others I miss them._

And then the connection was gone. I fell down, completely drained.

"Whoa, Bella. You need to hunt. Your eyes are blacker than I've ever seen them with any vampire, and I've seen Edward's." he said, obviously still shocked.

"Shell-shocked, Seth?" I whispered, grinning a bit.

He nodded.

"This is… unbelievable. No, it's more than that."

"Tell me about it. Well, if you don't mind, I need to hunt again."

"Killing some more mountain lions?"

"Nah, just a few deer I think. There's an over-population near Alaska. I'll be back by tomorrow. Oh, before I forget it, don't tell Edward any of this. I don't want him to know yet; I want to tell him by myself. And if he asks you where I am, tell him I'll be back soon. Though I already told him that," I added when I remembered our conversation in Paris.

"You still love him, don't you?"

"Yes, Seth, I do. I never stopped loving him."

"Good. He's never stopped loving you either. You should have seen him…"

"Seth, if you want to stay alive, you better not say such things around me, deal? Edward and I have an understanding about this, we're not going to talk about such things. So you better not either." I growled.

His eyes widened at my tone, and nodded. He quickly left my house, getting that I needed to be alone too.

Though, if I looked in my heart, I knew that I was never going to be alone anymore. Edward and Jacob would always be there.

--

**Okay, finally a good place to end it.**

**Sorry for all the new information, and I hope you liked this twist. I was getting bored with all the stuff in my mind, and when I was writing the cemetery scene the chapter continued itself. I had Bella's power in my mind since the beginning of the story, but I had no way to bring it in yet. Now I have.**

**I hope you all liked it. If you have questions, ask them, and I'll answer them unless they are going to be answered in the next chapter.**

**Leave me a little review to tell me what you think of it!**


	22. Chapter 22: Family

**Chapter 22: Family**

I hunted slowly, trying to let it last longer. Somehow I had the feeling I wasn't going to get another chance to hunt, and I needed to be completely full if I would use my power. It drained me, weakened me faster than normal.

I wasn't used to using my power; in fact, I may have used it only once before, but I couldn't remember exactly when and with who.

I traveled back, putting my cell phone back on. I hated it if I got calls or text messages during the hunt. It would scare the animals away, and I didn't want that. I wasn't so fond of hunting anyway, so I didn't want to put much effort to it.

I saw that I had missed one call, and three text messages. The call and two texts were from Edward, the other one from Seth, all asking me where I was. I realized the hunt had taken longer than expected.

_I was hunting, took a little longer than expected. Be back in an hour._

_-B_

I sent the text and ran as fast as I could, knowing that he would be waiting for me made this more excited. He said he was there just to check if I hadn't run away again. After that he would go back to the Cullen house again.

I arrived a little over an hour late

Edward wasn't there, it seemed. I let my mind go out, and quickly found what I was looking for.

_**Jake? Are you there?**_

_Sure. _

_**Where's Edward? Did he leave?**_

_Only for a minute. Don't worry too much. I'm keeping an eye on him, just as you asked. I still don't understand why, though. You should trust him, he trusts you too._

_**Are we going to have this conversation again?**_

_All I know is that you and Edward belong together. It might be strange, but I am going to do everything I can to let that happen._

_**You're odd.**_

_I know, but I just want to see you happy. He's back._

I broke the contact, slightly breathless. I ran a hand through my hair, a habit that I had picked up from Edward a long time ago, and tried to calm down.

"Bella?" I heard his velvet voice call me. I smiled slightly at the familiarity of it.

Maybe being together wouldn't be so bad.

"Yes, I'm here." I answered, just when he came into the kitchen. I saw his relieved face, and grinned. "You thought I left? You really don't trust me anymore, huh?"

"You proved that you weren't worthy of my trust before," he pointed out. I couldn't help but agree to that, and shrugged.

"I do trust you, Bella. But I am… _afraid_ that you'll ditch me anyway."

"I understand, I feel the same." I said honestly.

"You really think I would leave you? Seriously? After all that I've been through… I think I know better than that." He bit his lip, and ran a hand through his hair. I smiled at the habits. I did them too.

"You proved me wrong before," I replied.

He shrugged.

"Bella… There is something I want to ask you, or at least tell you." Edward said, hesitantly. I waited, and he continued. "My parents are here, and they want to meat you… I told them I had to ask you first, otherwise they would have come with me right away."

"Carlisle and Esme are here?" I said, surprised. "You didn't ask them to come, did you?"

He shook his head. "Because of my… earlier condition, they come to check on me once a month. I forgot about that, until I came home and found them waiting for me. They were afraid…" he trailed off, and I ignored the pained look on his face. He seemed to shake it off, and smiled weakly.

"I'd love to see them again. Let's go!" I said, and shock crossed his face.

He stood there for a moment, frozen, and then started to mumble something that sounded like, "wants to see my parents immediately, but me… she runs away…"

I smiled at that. "Your parents did nothing wrong, Edward."

"And I did, huh?" I raised my eyebrow at him, and he sighed. "I see your point."

I froze then, and told Edward to wait for a moment.

_**Jake, we're going to his house. Follow me?**_

_Sure._

"And where did you go? You seemed to be gone for a moment…" Edward came closer, and I automatically stepped back.

"What?" I said innocently, pretending that I didn't know what he was talking about.

"You weren't there, Bella. Your eyes were empty for a moment," he explained, and I sighed. I forgot how perceptive he was.

"Can you drop it? I don't want to talk about it." I bit at him, and looked away when I realized I had snapped at him.

"Sorry. Let's go."

We ran to his house, ironically enough through the forest. We took the path where we said goodbye, and where we met again. I felt the pain come up, and I gasped. I hold my chest, and stopped running. I tried to push it away, and after a moment it was gone. I looked up, just to see Edward standing there, with the same pained look on his face. I put on my blank mask, and smiled weakly.

He did the same, and together we ran further. I was surprised to see that I was almost as fast as he was. I had the feeling he ran at full speed, and I could keep up with him quite easily. We reached his house in just a minute.

"Wow, Bella. You run fast." Edward said, smiling crookedly at me like we were old friends. Or old _lovers._ For a moment it seemed like the thing in the forest never happened, but I could see it in his eyes.

"Bella!" I heard then, and I was crushed by two people. I laughed at the enthusiasm of these people. If I were human, they would have killed me without a doubt.

I smiled, and hugged Esme and Carlisle back.

"How have you been, dear? Are you living here?" Esme asked, while Carlisle beamed at me.

_I am missing something_, I thought. I grimaced slightly, and didn't answer.

"Bella?" Edward said softly behind me. I threw him a reassuring smile, and his worried expression relaxed a bit.

I looked back at Esme and Carlisle, just in time to see that they were exchanging something.

"Is something wrong, Bella?" Carlisle asked then.

I shook my head, and smiled. "It's nice to see you again."

"Oh, I can't wait till my family is complete again!" Esme exclaimed then, and I winced.

"Ehm, it was nice seeing you, but I have to go now. I promised to call my best friend," I said, lying. They didn't buy it, but nodded anyway. I said goodbye to them, smiling at Edward, and ran back.

I sat down on my couch, feeling something was wrong.

Esme and Carlisle knew something I didn't, and it made me feel uncomfortable. It was an experience I didn't like; I wasn't familiar with it. I had felt so comfortable around the Cullens, and now that was gone.

Maybe that was a sign. Maybe I didn't belong to Edward after all. Maybe they didn't want me.

My phone rang, and I checked the caller.

"Hey, Ann. How are you?" I asked her, and I heard her giggle.

"I am fine, how are you?"

"I am not sure, but that's okay. I'm just thinking."

"Okaaayy…" she said, exaggerating the word.

I sighed. "Are you coming over anytime soon?" I asked her then.

"Do you want me to?"

"Yes, I miss my sister." I could almost hear her smile at that.

"I miss you too… But you know that if I come over, I won't come alone, right? They won't let me come alone." She said, pointing out to a problem I hadn't thought about yet.

"It's fine, bring them over. How's Alice and Jasper? Still hanging out with you?"

"No, actually, that was why I am calling you. They've been acting strange lately, but I can't explain why. I was wondering if you had an idea."

"No, sorry, I don't. When can you be here?"

"Sure. See you then," I answered.

We said our goodbyes, and again I began thinking.

My mind was about to go everywhere, when someone knocked on my door. I stood up to open it, and I could feel who it was. And of course, I could smell it.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Edward asked, coming in without asking.

"Until a second ago, yes, I was okay." I answered playfully. He raised his eyebrow, not getting my joke. I was referring to the effect he had on me, but he didn't catch that.

" I was thinking, and now you're here and it's… quite hard to form a coherent thought." I answered to the unspoken question.

"Ah, still affected I see. Do you want me to leave?"

"Ehm, it doesn't matter to me, actually." I answered, surprised at my honest answer. He was surprised too, but it seemed to make him happy.

"I was here to ask you when you would like to go on our 'first date', you know." he made quotation marks at the words first date.

"Well, I haven't really thought about that yet. Can't we just hang out or something?"

"Whatever you want, Bella. You need to set the pace, you need to say when you want to do what. You know I am an impatient person, Bella. If you would have let me set the pace, well…"

I looked away, and somehow I knew where he was going. I quickly cut him off.

"What about going to the movies next Friday? We can skip dinner together, since we both won't eat anything anyway."

He nodded at that, and smiled brilliantly.

"Oh, and Edward? My friends are coming here in a few days, I am not sure what you'll think about that but I guess I just needed to tell you."

He smiled. "I already knew that. Alice called me before I came to you."

"Oh." realization dawned on me. "Does that mean she is coming too?"

"I am afraid so."

I groaned, and sat down on my couch, my face in my hands.

One Cullen I could handle, even though it was Edward. Three Cullens was pretty bad, seeing the uncomfortable situation earlier. But _five?!_ I couldn't imagine what that would be like. It would feel weird, and I would probably end up going away again. I couldn't handle that yet.

But what if Edward and I were going to be together again? It was what I wanted, I just wasn't ready for it yet. I knew Edward wanted it too, so it would probably happen. What about the Cullens then? What if the situation was still unbearable?

This wasn't going to be good.

**Sorry that this chapter is short, at least it's shorter than normal. It is a filler chapter, as you can see. I don't know what is going to happen next, so there won't be another update until I do know.**

**You guys surprised me by your positive reaction about Jake. I was afraid I was going to get killed, but it wasn't like that at all. Thanks for the support. I wasn't sure if I would put it in, but since you like it… thanks!**

**Leave me a little review to tell me what you think. Of course, ideas would be welcome as well.**


	23. Chapter 23: Visitors, again

**Chapter 23: Visitors, again**

**Sorry that I haven't updated in a while.**

"Bella?"

I turned around, startled, not having heard him or smelled him coming up to my house.

"What?" I snapped, and then bit my lip. I didn't mean to snap, I was just a little irritated after a call from Seth, who wondered how things with Jake were. I tried to tell him I wasn't able to know that, but he kept trying to convince me to find it out… but I wasn't ready for that yet.

"Are you okay?" Edward's velvet voice came up to me, and I sighed, relaxing a bit.

"What do you mean? Of course I am okay." I asked, surprised.

"You were not feeling comfortable around my parents, though you were eager to see them. I don't understand that, but I am more concerned about you… what is going on? You seem to be off sometimes."

"I don't want to talk about it," I answered after a moment of considering telling him everything.

"You don't want to talk about what? What made you feel so uncomfortable or why you are off sometimes? It just seems like nobody's home… Your body is here, but your soul isn't."

"I have a power that does that, but I don't want to talk about it. Your parents seem to know something that I don't, and that irritated me, and it made me feel uncomfortable. Happy?" I replied coldly, and softened up a bit when I saw the hurt look on his face.

"Bella, I don't want you to lie to me. If you are not ready for this yet, then tell me. You need to set the pace, you need to tell me when you are ready for which step. I can't read your mind, unfortunately, though I can read your reactions. Of course, that is only confusing me…" he trailed off, waiting for me to say something.

"I am setting the right pace, don't you think I know all that?"

"Yes, but I understand if you want me to stay away from you for a while. I know it has been a lot to take in lately; it has been like that for me too. It's just that I don't want to-"

"I know, Edward. I don't want to lose you either, that is why I am still here. It would be nice if you stopped showing up so unexpectedly, you startle me sometimes." I grinned slightly at him, and he visibly relaxed. He had been so tensed, I was afraid he was going to snap.

"Bella? Can I ask you something?" Edward said hesitantly, eying me carefully.

"Ehm, depends, I guess," I answered, careful not to say yes immediately like I did when I was human, because that could get me into trouble now.

I could see that he was thinking about the same thing, because the corners of his mouth went up a little, he suppressed a smile.

"Can I hug you? I really want to comfort-"

He didn't get to finish the sentence, I was already in his arms. Part of me was still afraid of this, but the bigger part was just relieved to be able to touch him, _finally_.

He wrapped his arms around me tightly as if he was never going to let go again. I did the same, and I felt like I could be standing there forever. Breathing in his scent comforted me indeed, like he wanted to do so badly.

When I pulled back, not wanting to push this, he sighed.

"Thank you," he said.

"You're welcome," I answered, looking away.

"I'll leave now. I think you need to prepare your house for your guests." Edward said, not looking at me either.

I couldn't tell how he felt, but I could tell that I wanted him to stay. I knew that wasn't a good idea, so I nodded and he left.

Then I felt a presence in my mind, and I opened up to let it in.

_You did well, Bella. You actually surprised me there._

_**Thanks, I think. It's getting easier to tell myself he loves me, though a part of me still doesn't believe it.**_

_You're being silly, Bells, and you know that._

_**Might be, but I think it's only rational. I mean, I've believed that he doesn't love me for such a long time, it's hard to turn that around. I can't just do that, no matter how badly I want to. Besides, Carlise and Esme are hiding something.**_

_Yes, I know._

_**You know what they are hiding?**_

_Yes._

_**And you're not going to tell me, are you?**_

_Nope. You need to find out for yourself. It is something I can't tell you._

_**Thanks for the support.**_

I broke the contact, and sat down on my couch, thinking about what on earth they could be hiding.

--

--

My guests arrived soon after that. The first person I saw was Anna, who ran over to me and hugged me tightly.

"Hey there," I said, laughing but hugging her back just as tightly. I had missed her, and there was so much I needed to tell her.

"I am so happy for you!" She exclaimed, smiling widely at me.

"Yeah, yeah, thanks." I grinned at her, knowing that that was what she wanted to hear.

"Any time," she winked, and went inside the house, already knowing where to go. She pulled Colin with her, while he waved his hello.

The next one I saw was Marc, who came over to me, hugging me just as tightly as Anna had done.

I hugged my friend back, telling him what I couldn't say in words.

"You've changed. I am happy for you, sweetie. It's been a long time since your eyes sparkled this way, and it's good to see," Marc smiled at me, kissing my cheek before going in as well. I didn't get the chance to reply.

Then there were the other two, who were leaning against their car. Paolo and Andrea. Paolo looked relaxed, as if nothing could happen to him, but Andrea's face looked… scary, to be honest. She looked like she wanted to kill me.

If I weren't a vampire with super sight, I wouldn't have seen her rushing over to me. I stepped back automatically, crouching a bit in defense.

"Izzy! How dare you leaving without telling me! Leaving to Forks, forcing Anna to travel after you, but then you ran away from her towards London? Seriously? And you dared to visit her parents, and then running off to Paris? You traveled across Europe without telling me _anything_?!" her voice was low and angry, and I was sure if Paolo hadn't hold her against him, she would have attacked me.

I just stood there, calmly, processing what she said. It meant that Anna had told her nothing.

I searched for her mind inside my house.

_**Thanks for keeping my secret**_, I sent her before sighing and breaking the contact. Anna would know what happened, I had done it once before when we just met. I was stupid for not remembering it before.

Anna was suddenly beside me, touching my arm briefly to comfort me. I smiled at her, before turning back to Andrea, who was still seething.

"It's Bella now," I just told her, ignoring the rest what she said.

It made her eyes almost bulge out of her head, and she gasped.

"My, you really have changed, haven't you?" Paolo said in is soft, smooth voice. His Italian accent had faded, but it was still present.

"Yes, I have. A lot has happened, so to say," I answered hesitantly.

"I see. Well, it's good to see your eyes are sparkling. I haven't seen you so… alive, in years. No, that is wrong. I have never seen you this alive. It is good to see this part of you," Paolo said, still holding Andrea. He then whispered something in her ear, and it made her relax a little.

"Andrea, I am sorry. I did what was necessary, though I cannot explain you my reasons. I hope you'll forgive me," I said then, hoping she would. She was a friend, after all.

"Sure, I forgive you, but don't do it again!" She said, and walked inside without saying more. Paolo shrugged, and followed her.

I stared in front of me for a moment, before coming to my senses, turning around to go inside as well.

In there, I found Anna and Colin cuddling on the love seat in the corner of my house. Andrea, Paolo and Marc were sitting on the couch, leaving the chair to me.

"I smell a stranger in here," Marc commented, wrinkling his nose.

I hadn't realized it, but my kitchen and living room did smell like Edward. He had been here so often lately, it wasn't that strange.

"I am very happy for you, Bells. It's refreshing to see you like this," Anna said. She obviously recognized the scent, and decided to avoid that subject. She could probably see that I was uncomfortable.

She knew me so well.

"Hey, Alice and Jasper are going to visit tonight, and they drag someone along with them, some bronze haired guy…" Andrea said suddenly.

I gulped, and looked away.

"I think I just found the reason why Bella is so happy. Look at her eyes!" Marc said. If I had been able to blush, I would have without a doubt.

"I don't want to talk about it!" I answered, but I couldn't fight the smile that spread across my face.

"I need to hunt," Paolo suddenly announced, and I nodded. I had seen that his eyes were close to black, as were Andrea's and Marc's.

"Yes, me too. But are you sure? We won't be back soon," Marc said, eying me carefully.

I nodded.

"Now, shoo! Go out hunting! The sooner you're gone, the sooner you're back!" I laughed a bit, causing my friends to look at each other. They probably didn't know what was happening. They never saw me laugh so lightly.

"You know, Bells, I think you need to hunt as well. Your eyes are getting dark as well," Anna commented while the others left the house.

"I will. Tomorrow." I answered, and I sighed.

"So, how did things go?"

I quickly told her everything, except for Jacob. That was my secret that I wasn't ready to share yet. Anna nodded frantically, obviously happy with the progress I made. When I told her about the hugging part, she squealed, making Colin and me cover our ears.

"Oh, Bella! I am so proud!" she said, laughing.

"Isn't it strange for you, to be called Bella again? I mean, even after hearing it all the time I still have to get used to calling you Bella," Anna asked me then.

I shrugged.

"It isn't so bad, I think. It used to remind me of my past, of who I was before… everything, but now those two kind of melted together. I can still see which part of me is Izzy and which part is Bella, but now they are the new, stronger Bella I think. Vampire Bella," I smiled.

Anna smiled too.

"I can see that Edward is good for you. You're smiling, laughing, and your face lights up every time Edward's name falls," Anna smiled, and giggled when I proved it.

"I can't help it. I feel like I am a teenager again. Except for the fact that it's still hard for me to believe that he really loves me. I can see it, I suppose, but my mind doesn't seem to be able to accept it, I don't know. I want to believe it, really, but… I don't know," I said.

"I know that he loves you, Bella. I see it in how he reacts, his expression when he looks at you, everything…" Colin said, thinking out loud.

I nodded, and the conversation fell silent.

And then the doorbell rang.

**I don't think this is a cliffie, but I am sorry if you see it that way. I had to stop in here, because of multiple reasons. One, I don't know how to continue, and two, the chapter would be too long with all my rambling. I kind of lost my inspiration, so the updates will take longer again. I write a little piece every day, and I hope I can update once a week. I am sorry if I won't be able to do that.**

**I am busy writing many stories at once, that is another reason why I might not be able to update soon. I hope you'll forgive me.**

**Tell me what you think!**


	24. Teaser

**Okay, first, sorry it takes me so long, but I have a good reason this time.**** I went to school all week, and I had to work on Thursday night and Friday night, and I worked all day today as well, so to say I am tired.. well that's an understatement. And I have to work all week next week as well, so there will probably not be an update either next week. I am too tired to write now, but to keep you all tuned, I put in a teaser. I hope you enjoy this, if you don't want to read it yet – it will be in the next chapter. **

**My apologies.**

**(BPOV)**

After that night I was sincerely freaked out. I wanted to run again, but I knew I couldn´t. Everyone would kill me if I would run away now.

Besides, I was going to hurt Edward that way, and I didn´t want that to happen. I could see that he did want to be with me, but I still didn´t believe it. I just had to keep telling myself that he loved me, and maybe I would believe it one day, if he showed me how much he actually loved me.

_**Jake, what am I going to do?**_ I sent out, wondering if he could give me some advice.

I sat down on the kitchen table, waiting for an answer. Instead, a big wolf walked into the kitchen like it was something that happened every day.

I hold my breath for a moment, a reflex because of the smell. But I reminded myself that it was just Jacob, it wasn´t that bad.

It _was_ bad, but I tried to ignore that.

_I don´t know, Bells. I don´t know. But I will be there for you._

_**Thanks. I need that, I think.**_

_That´s why I am here, after all,_ Jake replied.

I hopped off the counter, and hugged the big wolf. I closed my eyes, happy that there was someone who supported me, no matter what.

Then I heard the voice.

"No, Bella!"

**(EPOV)**

Thoughts flooded through my mind when I ran to Bella´s house. I had to talk to her.

I needed to apologize for my sister, she always overreacted. And I could see that Bella didn´t feel comfortable around her anymore.

I understood that she needed time to adjust to me, but to my sister? I didn´t really understand what was going on, and I was going to ask her if she wanted to talk to me about it.

Probably not, knowing how stubborn and unselfish Bella was. She would probably think it would cause me pain, so she would avoid the subject.

When I arrived at Charlie´s land, I stiffened at the smell.

Wolf.

Immediately, I felt worried. Why didn´t Alice tell me about an attack? Oh, right. I remembered that she couldn´t see werewolves.

Was Bella attacked? Did she survive?

I sped to her house, and saw the last thing I expected.

Bella, hopping off the kitchen table, towards the wolf who was sitting like it belonged there.

I leaped into action, horror washing through me.

"No, Bella!"

**Okay, that was the teaser! I hope you liked it. I don´t know when there will be an update. I do my best to make it as quick as possible, but unfortunately I can´t promise anything. Life is catching up with me.**

**BellaEdwardlover1991.**


	25. Chapter 24: Okay?

**Chapter 24**

**Okay so I am having a HUGE writer´s block, don´t blame me if this sucks but I just wanted to get it out. I needed to put something up so I can hold off for a month or so. (Unless someone has an idea, or if I get inspirited)**

I gulped, and stood up to let Alice, Jasper and Edward in. His hand brushed my arm slightly, sending a shiver down my spine.

_God, I love how he makes me feel._

I followed them inside, quickly claiming my chair again. I didn´t want to sit next to one of the Cullens, I was already nervous enough with three of them in my house. I felt like I was going to jump and run within a few seconds.

"Oh Bella, it's so good to see you!" Alice said, almost squealing. I sighed, and looked down.

"I know. Jasper, will you please stop trying to get around my block? It won't work," I said then, getting a little irritated at the feeling. Jasper raised his eyebrow at me, making me shrug.

I noticed Edward and Jasper exchanged something, but I didn't feel like asking what it was.

"How have you been, Bells?" Jasper asked then, his voice soft and smooth. I felt myself calm down a bit, but I also felt guilty for being rude.

"I am fine, thanks. How about you? Why were you at Yale, especially in the middle of the year?" I asked then, trying to be polite and interested.

They started to talk about something with this vampire that kept bugging Alice, making them leave that area. I didn't really listen, I let my mind wander a bit.

I could feel Edward watching me, scrutinizing me, but I didn't look at him. I was afraid he would see I wasn't really comfortable with Alice and Jasper. They kept exchanging knowing glances, looking at me and then at each other. I felt like I was missing something. Then again, I probably was.

_**I really wish you would share the secret with me, Jake.**_ I searched for the mind of my best friend, ex-husband and confidant. I hoped he would support me.

_This is something you have to find out for yourself, Bella. That is necessary._

I felt the life drain out of me, and I knew I needed to hunt soon. I couldn't do it tomorrow, I would have to do it this evening. I needed to train this power, I was using it a lot now but it drained me too much. Maybe if I trained it more it wouldn't go this… fast.

In the time I was off, Alice and Anna started a conversation, as did Jasper and Colin. Edward was watching me intently, as if he was trying to figure out my secret.

I shook my head at him, smiling a bit. He wasn't going to find out. For a moment, I let him in my mind.

_You won't find it out unless I want you to. Don't even try to think about it, it's useless._

He smirked at me, and shrugged. "I can always try. I will find out."

"Maybe, but only when I let you," I answered, teasing him a bit. We grinned at each other. For a moment, I felt truly happy to have him back in my life. If he loved me or not, this was bliss.

Alice looked at me for a moment, smiling slightly, before turning back to her conversation.

"You know, Bells, we are going shopping this weekend! I just saw that I am going to look in your closet in a few moments, and I think you need new clothes. The ones you have are old!" Alice said, laughing at me. Jasper grinned at her, throwing an arm around his wife. Edward rolled his eyes.

And I panicked. Shopping. Alice.

That wasn't going to be good, and I knew it. This was going to remind me of my past, not to mention the fact I still hated shopping. Andrea and Alice were the same with that, in fact, they could have been twins. They both had this thing for shopping I couldn't understand. They both cheered up once someone mentioned shopping, and they both wanted to force you into things you'd never buy.

When she saw the look on my face, that was probably not a very nice one, she pouted.

"Aw, don't you like me anymore?" She said in that sweet voice of hers, looking me directly in the eye to see my response.

"Well-" I hesitated, not sure what to say. I didn't know the answer myself.

"Aw, man! Edward, look what you did to her!" Edward and I both stiffened at that, but she ignored it and went on. "I lost my best friend because of you! How could you be so stupid?!" Alice almost yelled at him. She stomped her foot, and stormed out of the house.

Edward and I looked at each other, both astounded, and then nodded at Jasper who excused himself to go after his wife.

After that, we sat a while in silence. It wasn't uncomfortable, we were all thinking about what just happened.

"I think it's better if I leave right now," Edward said softly. I nodded, and walked him to the door.

Without thinking about it, I gave him a small peck on his cheek. He looked up at me in surprise, but smiled then and left without returning the kiss.

I wanted to call him back for another kiss, but then I realized that kiss was already a big accomplishment. I kissed his cheek! And he seemed to be very happy about it. I almost expected him to give me a kiss back, but I remembered that he wanted me to set the pace, so he was letting me doing exactly that.

Still surprised at myself, I returned to the living room. I was a little lost in my thoughts, I guess, because I didn't hear Anna and Colin calling for me. When Anna slapped my arm, I finally looked up. I automatically rubbed the place she had hit me, even though it didn't really hurt I still felt it.

"We're going to a hotel. I think you want some privacy. We will stay here if you want to, but if you don't we'll leave," Anna said softly, looking concerned.

"Do whatever you want, Ann. I don't mind," I replied.

"Then we'll leave to give you some privacy," She said. Both she and Colin left the house, and I was left alone.

Again.

--  
--

After that night I was sincerely freaked out. I wanted to run again, but I knew I couldn´t. Everyone would kill me if I would run away now.

Besides, I was going to hurt Edward that way, and I didn´t want that to happen. I could see that he did want to be with me, but I still didn´t believe it. I just had to keep telling myself that he loved me, and maybe I would believe it one day, if he showed me how much he actually loved me.

_**Jake, what am I going to do?**_ I sent out, wondering if he could give me some advice.

I sat down on the kitchen table, waiting for an answer. Instead, a big wolf walked into the kitchen like it was something that happened every day.

I hold my breath for a moment, a reflex because of the smell. But I reminded myself that it was just Jacob, it wasn´t that bad.

It _was_ bad, but I tried to ignore that.

_I don´t know, Bells. I don´t know. But I will be there for you._

_**Thanks. I need that, I think.**_

_That´s why I am here, after all,_ Jake replied.

I hopped off the counter, and hugged the big wolf. I closed my eyes, happy that there was someone who supported me, no matter what.

Then I heard the voice.

"No, Bella!"

**(EPOV)**

Thoughts flooded through my mind when I ran to Bella´s house. I had to talk to her.

I needed to apologize for my sister, she always overreacted. And I could see that Bella didn´t feel comfortable around her anymore.

I understood that she needed time to adjust to me, but to my sister? I didn´t really understand what was going on, and I was going to ask her if she wanted to talk to me about it.

Probably not, knowing how stubborn and unselfish Bella was. She would probably think it would cause me pain, so she would avoid the subject.

When I arrived at Charlie´s land, I stiffened at the smell.

Wolf.

Immediately, I felt worried. Why didn´t Alice tell me about an attack? Oh, right. I remembered that she couldn´t see werewolves.

Was Bella attacked? Did she survive?

I sped to her house, and saw the last thing I expected.

Bella, hopping off the kitchen table, towards the wolf who was sitting like it belonged there.

I leaped into action, horror washing through me.

"No, Bella!"

The next moment, I was on the ground, a shot of pain going through me.

**(BPOV)**

All I could see was Edward coming over to me, and the next moment he was on the ground. Both Jake and I hadn't moved, yet Edward was thrown at the ground as if someone had done that.

"Edward!" I said, really concerned about him. However, to avoid Jake from getting hurt, I didn't move myself away. I was now standing between them, that way Edward couldn't reach Jake.

I knew what he would think. I knew he would want to kill him.

I just couldn't allow that.

"Go!" I hissed to the big wolf. It hesitated, but then looked at me as if to say, "Be careful."

I smiled, and nodded.

The wolf left then, running away from the possible danger.

"What just happened? I felt like I was running against a wall?" Edward asked me. He stood up then, looking around.

I shrugged. "I have no idea. I didn't move at all, and neither did -"

"What was the wolf doing here?" Edward growled at me.

"That is none of your business." I snapped at him, stepping away.

I didn't want him to know about Jake. What if he felt threatened? But then I realized he had to know, or he'd hurt the wolf the next time he saw it near me. And I definitely wanted it near me.

"Sorry, maybe it is some of your business. You don't need to know all of the details, but I am asking you not to kill the wolf. He's… He's my friend. I need him," I told him, telling him all I could tell without giving my secret away.

"Friends with wolves…" Edward shook his head, exasperated.

"You're friends with Seth," I reminded him.

"That's different! Seth's half human!"

"So was Jake," I murmured, not looking at Edward.

"What? But… Jacob's dead, isn't he?"

I didn't answer that question.

"Why are you here?" I retorted, changing the subject. I didn't want him to ask questions I couldn't or wouldn't answer.

**(EPOV)**

She was obviously hiding something. I desperately wanted to know what it was, but I wasn't sure if she'd tell me if I kept asking about it. Pushing the subject might push her away from me, and that was the last thing I wanted.

"I wanted to talk to you about Alice," I said then.

She looked up, her now almost-brown colored eyes locking mine.

I almost saw her as a human again, her brown eyes boring into mine, her brown hair hanging loosely at her back, her posture suddenly vulnerable. She reminded me of human Bella.

"It's okay, Edward, I don't mind-" She started, her beautiful voice sending shivers down my spine when she said my name.

"But I do," I cut her off. I desperately needed her to know what I felt.

"Bella, I love you but like I keep telling you, you need time. And if you need more time without my sister or parents, I understand. If you don't want to see them, please don't. I don't want them chasing you away from me. I wouldn't be able to handle that…" I trailed off, my voice almost breaking at the thought of Bella leaving me again.

"Edward…" Her voice was no more than a whisper when she stepped forward to me.

I wanted to hold her so badly, just hold her in my arms to comfort her, to tell her it was all going to be okay. I wanted to tell her that I loved her and how I saw our future together. I wanted to kiss her, making her mine again. I wanted her to be mine so badly, I was afraid my control might slip.

Bella had no idea what she was asking from me, asking me not to touch her in any way. It was _so_ hard for me sometimes, especially at moments like this. I wanted to be there for her, but I couldn't because she asked me to.

But now she stepped closer, and hugged me tightly. I hesitated, but figured I could hug her back now. I put my arms around her, enjoying the feeling of her body against mine. We fit together like a puzzle, and at this moment it felt like we were a completed puzzle now.

I was surprised she let me hold her for a long time. She didn't let go of me, so I didn't let go of her either. Her breathing was steady, her eyes closed as she hold onto me for dear life.

At that moment, I knew everything was going to be okay.

**I hoped you liked it; sorry for the switching of POV's, but I wanted some pieces to be in Bella's POV and other's in Edward's, so sorry if it was a bit annoying. **

**I don't know when the next update will be. I am quite busy with lots of things right now, including school, so it might take another while. **

**Tell me what you think of this chapter!**


	26. Chapter 25: Secrets

**Chapter 25:**** Secrets**

**This chapter is dedicated to Emma and Kate. Emma for helping me with some ideas, and Kate for being so understanding. Thank you, girls!**

**To all the readers at TSS: sorry for the less-frequent updates. You now caught up with everyone at so you have to wait just like everybody else.**

**To all the readers at : sorry for the wait. Lack of inspiration and school does that to me.**

I was surprised at my sudden movement, but it did made sense to me. I wanted to touch him so bad, but all the time I had restrained myself, afraid I would get hurt.

But Edward holding me like this made every worry fade away. It didn't feel like he was going to leave me again anytime soon. He held me very tightly against his chest; if I had been human I would have blushed at the realization how well our bodies fit together, like a puzzle.

Finally, we pulled back. I looked up at Edward's face, only to see an intense look in his eyes. I wanted to ask what he was thinking, but I also felt like it was intruding something. Knowing Edward, he'd tell me immediately. I had the feeling he wouldn't say no to me.

"Sorry if that made you uncomfortable," I said then, trying to let the intense look go away. It sent shivers down my spine. Instead, his eyes were boring into mine as if to deliver a message.

"It's okay, really. I don't mind at all," he answered, stepping closer again.

I was surprised when he leaned in and pecked my cheek. I didn't back off, though, because I liked it. I liked it more than I wanted to admit to myself.

"Ehm… Edward?" I said, hesitating a bit.

"Yes?" He answered, his voice low. I shivered again, seeing his darkened eyes.

Something shifted in the air when I stepped back, the wind blowing a scent in our noses.

Wolves.

Edward immediately started to growl, but I recognized the scent immediately and grabbed his arm.

"No, Edward. Please, don't," I practically begged him.

I knew it was pathetic, not telling him why I didn't want him to attack his mortal enemy, but I wasn't ready to tell him yet. I knew I should, and maybe I would be forced to tell him before it felt right.

"Bella… can you at least explain to me why I am not allowed to kill my mortal enemy?"

Apparently he was thinking the same thing.

"Well… I'd rather not, actually," I grimaced at the understatement.

"One day I am going to act on instinct, and maybe I will kill your _friend_," Edward said then. "Unless I get some explanation, of course."

My jaw dropped. Was he blackmailing me?

"Seriously, Edward? Blackmail?" I asked him, horror washing through me. There was no way I could stand up against that.

"No, Bella, I don't mean that. But you know wolves are our enemies. If you hadn't grabbed my arm, I would've acted on instinct and killed the wolf before it killed me. It's only natural. Have you ever felt the urge to go on instinct?"

I shook my head, and smiled at his shocked expression.

"When I was a seven month old vampire, I was in the subway with Andrea and Colin, not even holding my breath," I told him, letting him know what my situation was without explaining it to him.

"What?" Now his jaw dropped.

"I've never been a 'newborn.' Human blood isn't attractive to me, I guess. It isn't repulsive, either, but I just… I don't like the idea of drinking human blood. I mean, it'll always be someone who'll be missed by family and loved ones. I can't stand the thought of that."

"Wow."

"Yeah." I grinned at him.

"Speaking of blood, I need to hunt soon," I said then, thinking about the weakness I felt. I needed some strength to be able to keep contact between Jake and me. It would require more hunting trips, but I really needed it right now. Maybe if I trained it wouldn't make me this weak this fast.

"Yeah, me too," Edward agreed. It wasn't until then I noticed his eyes were almost brown, too. Just like mine.

"Great. So, I'll be out for three days then, taking time. Do you mind?" I asked.

The corner of his mouth twitched a bit.

"I don't like the idea of being away from you. Who knows what crazy idea will pop up in your mind, causing you to leave again?" He hesitated, but then added, "I wouldn't be able to handle that again. I'd tie you to me if that'd happen. I won't lose you again."

I gulped at his smoldering eyes and looked away. I knew exactly how he felt. I didn't want to be away from him either. But hunting trips were something private. I only shared them with Anna, and only when necessary.

I didn't want to share it with Edward yet. I was afraid I'd lose control if I would act on instinct around him. I'd probably jump him. I mean, somewhere between the conflicted emotions there was also a quite neutral feeling: desire. Who wouldn't desire to touch Edward? It's _Edward_, after all.

"Hm…can't someone join you, then?" Edward asked. I rolled my eyes, but thought about it anyway.

"No Alice, no Jasper, and NO you. You'd distract me too much," I answered then.

"That leaves one of my parents, then. I want to make sure you won't leave."

"I don't like being babysat," I muttered, almost too low for him to hear. Unfortunately, he heard it anyway.

"You did that to yourself, you know. If you had kept your promise in London, I'd trust you enough to be away from me for a few days. Now I am not sure when you'll take your chance and leave again."

"So that's why you keep coming over all the time. "

I shivered at the realization; that we both didn't trust each other. How was this going to work if we didn't trust each other? Relationships can't be built of only love, there has to be trust too. The knowledge of the fact he didn't trust me either almost crushed me, but Edward cleared his throat. It took me out of my train of thoughts, and I relaxed a little.

"What?" I said, then.

"You had this look on your face… I felt the need to interrupt your thoughts. I think if I hadn't…" he trailed off, but Bella knew what he wanted to say. He was right, after all.

"I'm still your open book, I see," I smiled at that.

He smiled too, making my breath hitch for a moment.

"How is this going to work? I mean, we are trying and things are getting better, but will we ever get to the point where we trust each other completely again? I mean, I know I love you, and I think I know you love me, too. But that knowledge won't be enough to live with," I said then, looking away from him.

This was a subject we tended to avoid; it was a bit uncomfortable. But I needed to know where this was going. I didn't feel like wasting my time, though being with Edward wasn't really that much of a waste.

"I don't know, Bella. All I know is that time will tell us," he smiled my favorite crooked smile, and I laughed.

"Damn it, Edward. You can still dazzle me," I said, shaking my head.

He laughed too. "It's a good thing you do the same thing to me, then."

His tone was light and teasing, but suddenly the air around us was filled with electricity again. It made me think of Biology, though this situation was slightly different.

The urge to touch him hadn't disappeared, though. I felt the need to touch him again, and knew if I wouldn't break this I'd end up doing exactly that.

So I stepped back, and gulped a bit. I avoided looking at him, needing some time to adjust my feelings so they wouldn't be visible in my eyes. The bad thing was the electricity wasn't fading. Instead, it seemed to get stronger and stronger, pulling us together like magnets.

When I did look up, I knew I was caught. He had an evil smile on his face, showing me he saw exactly what I was feeling.

"Open book," I muttered again.

He laughed again, shaking his head. "Back then, I felt the same way, and Bella, my love, I still do."

I stifled a gasp at that. _My Love_. It had been a while since someone called me that. In fact, it was the first time I heard it since I was changed.

Only Edward was allowed to say that to me.

I smiled slightly, and shrugged it off.

"Will you ask Esme when she'll be ready to leave? Also, I'd like you to take Anna with you. Which means Colin will go with you too, I think."

"You don't trust me either, do you?" Edward sighed, already knowing the answer.

I shrugged. "The feeling is mutual. You know exactly how I feel, so there's no need to explain it. It'll take a while to trust you fully again, but in the mean time, we'll try."

I gasped when I realized I said the last thing out loud.

His eyes widened in surprise, his mouth opening and closing a few times. I almost giggled at that. I had never seen a vampire do such a human thing before.

"Does that mean…" he trailed off, his voice breaking.

"I think so. I'll think about it during the hunt, okay?"

"Okay. I'll go and get Esme for you. I'll talk to you soon then," Edward said, kissing my forehead before he left.

I sank to the ground, gasping for air when I realized what just happened.

We were going to try again. I just said it out loud.

Shit.

--

Half an hour later, Esme stepped into my kitchen.

"Bella?" She asked me then, concerned. I hadn't moved from my position yet, still stunned by what just happened.

"Y-Yes?" I answered, still dazed.

"Are you okay?"

"I think I am more than okay."

And I was. I couldn't help the grin that spread over my face, because I realized I really _was_ okay. I let myself slip for a moment, but I couldn't find any bad feelings about it. It was something I really wanted. And though I didn't know how long it'd take, I knew that one day everything would be okay.

In the mean time, I was going to enjoy Edward's presence. What could be the harm in that? Maybe he would leave me again one day, and yes, I'd let myself get killed by then. I wouldn't survive that. But I would go to heaven with the memory of Edward an me together.

"Sorry Esme, what did you say?" I asked, realizing she just said something.

She just smiled at me. "You seemed to be gone for a moment. Lost in thoughts?"

"Um, something like that," I answered, smiling back at her.

I did feel strange. I wasn't uncomfortable around her. Maybe that was because there wasn't someone around who shared her secret.

Hm. I could ask about that during our trip.

"Let's go," I said, and our hunting trip started.

--

During our trip, we talked about random things while I was gathering my courage to ask Esme one of many questions I had.

"Esme, can I ask you something?" I said after a while, when we were just walking through the forest, waiting for the wind to tell us where the animals hid.

"Sure, my dear. Why not?" Her smile was genuine, I was glad her opinion of me didn't change.

"What's the secret you and Carlisle, and of course Alice and Jasper, are hiding?"

She just smiled at me.

"That is something you need to find out for yourself, Bella. It is necessary for that to happen."

I grimaced. Why did everyone keep telling me the same thing? Why was it necessary for me to find out the secret on my own? What was the big secret everyone seemed to know, except for me? Even Jacob said he knew. Why couldn't I see it, since apparently it was a very obvious thing?

"Fine. Then I'd like to know something else…" I trailed off, not knowing how to bring this.

"Bella, you can ask me anything. I'll answer as much as I'm able to," Esme said, her voice reassuring me a bit.

"Okay. Um, what happened… after you guys… left?" I was hardly able to crack out the question I had wanted to know for such a long time.

I heard Esme mutter something that sounded like, "took you long enough," but I wasn't sure if that was just my imagination.

Esme took a deep breath, and then started telling the story.

"Edward asked us all to leave without saying goodbye to you. It would make the goodbye less hard on us. He was wrong, Alice was mad at him for a long time. She couldn't stand the thought of hurting you just because Edward wanted to. But she had to, so we listened to him and left with pain in our hearts."

"Edward was… miserable, to say the least. He spent a few months with us, but Jasper could hardly take it. Edward decided to leave us for a while."

"When we came to catch up on him, he told us he was going back to you, begging for you to take him back. He couldn't handle it anymore, being away from you."

"We don't know what happened then, but he returned to us, panicked, telling us you were like us now. After that, he left again. Alice was looking out for his future, but nothing happened, until she suddenly saw him appearing in Italy."

"Alice didn't want to tell us what happened in Italy, but she was pretty upset about it."

"From then on, our family was shattered. Jasper couldn't take all the emotions coming from us, most of them sadness and worry, so he and Alice left us. They started traveling all around the world."

"Emmett and Rosalie did the same thing. From what they've told us, they were together for a while but Alice and Rosalie had a fight about… something, and they split up too. I know Emmett and Rosalie are living somewhere in Europe right now. Rosalie is studying architecture and Emmett is actually going to Law School."

She smiled at me, but I felt uneasy.

"You can see there are a few gaps in there, I am sorry I can't fill you in on those points. All I know is what I've been told."

"I can tell you the gaps, Esme," I said, my voice cracking. "Edward held me when I was changing, telling me everything would be okay again. But he left me to go hunting, my scent was still unbearable. I went to La Push to talk to my friends-" I ignored the gasp that came from Esme, "- making Edward think they killed me. Then he went to Italy, asking the Volturi to kill him."

Esme gasped, obviously shocked.

"W-What... why… how do you know all this?" She asked after a minute.

"Because I was there."

I quickly summarized the story of my traveling, my search for Edward. I could tell if Esme had been human, she would have cried. Instead, her eyes were wide and concerned.

"Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry for everything that happened to you," Esme said and hugged me.

"Thanks, Esme. I am sorry too, for the way I behaved before. I guess… I just don't feel comfortable not knowing what is going on."

"I know, my dear, I know. I am sorry I can't tell you." She said motherly, and then we stiffened.

Deer. There were seven of them, very close to us.

We both acted on instinct, and started sprinting for them.

I closed my eyes, letting my senses take over. My mind automatically started calculating the number of steps I had to take to kill one of the deer, and the time it would take.

I had killed three deer, when I suddenly smelled something different.

Before I could recollect myself, my body responded on instinct and moved. My mind didn't even get time to think this through.

Before I knew it, I was in Edward's arms, crashing my lips to his.

He was surprised at first, I noticed that by the frozen state of his body, but it only lasted a second. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling my tighter against him. Our lips moved together for a few seconds, and then my thoughts were collected.

I pulled back, though I didn't step away from him, and grimaced. "Damn it! I told you to stay away from me!" But I couldn't help myself, and started laughing.

Edward stared at me as if I grew three heads, and raised his eyebrow. I just shook my head, and grabbed his hand.

"Bella… are you okay?" He asked suspiciously.

"Yeah! Actually, I'm great now," I grinned at him.

"Oh…" his expression was neutral, and I knew he was keeping his emotions in check. "What happened?"

"What do you mean?" I asked him, smiling.

"Well… this sudden change in behavior can't be normal, I think. What made you change your mind?" He studied my face for a moment, looking in my eyes.

"I decided to enjoy my time with you, because I don't know when it will end. You never know how much time we'll have left!" I said cheerfully.

He raised his eyebrow again.

"You know I'll never leave you, right?"

"Since I am not planning on leaving you either, I'd say we're going to have a great time together!" I laughed.

Esme came walking towards us, looking at our intertwined hands. She then smiled at us.

She seemed to share something with Edward. He shrugged, and then smiled. Her smile widened, and she came over to hug me.

"Oh! You've just made me so happy!" She whispered in my ear. I just rolled my eyes, and smiled at Edward.

He leaned in and placed a kiss on my temple. It made me shiver, in a good way, and then I smelled someone else.

"Edward? Where are you? Ah, Bella! What are you-" Anna stopped mid-sentence when she spotted our hands as well.

"Really?" She said, gasping.

I nodded, making Edward nod too. She rushed over to me, hugging me too.

"What is it with everyone hugging me?" I said, laughing a bit. I hugged Anna back, telling her how grateful I was without words.

"Edward, I want you to go away again, or I will not be held responsible for my actions," I told him in a teasing, light voice.

He smiled crookedly, and his eyes twinkled.

"Who says I want you to be?" He answered my unspoken words.

I rolled my eyes. "No PDA, especially not in front of your parents."

This made Anna and Esme laugh wholeheartedly. I smiled too, shaking my head at the sudden change.

I didn't know where it came from. Suddenly, things just fell into place, as if my mind saw things I didn't see at first.

I was a little irritated I still didn't know what the secret was, but I stopped caring. Being together with Edward was enough for now.

**No, guys, this isn't the end of the story. There'll be more to happen. This wasn't planned, by the way. I guess I got my inspiration back. This chapter wrote itself. This chapter has 3300 words and I had to end it somewhere. **

**I'm going to check how many reviews I'll get at and how many at TTS. I bet there'll be more at TTS, lol. ** **Comments, anyone?**


	27. Chapter 26: Jacob

**Chapter 26: Jacob**

**Okay, people! I'****ve got the ending in my head! Some of you might see it as a happy ending, some of you might not. I will not tell you what I think of it, except for the fact that I am terribly pleased with it.**

**This brings me to my next point. This story will not have more than another 10 chapters. Maybe we'll get till 5, maybe till 8, I don't know. I don't want to know either, I think. Right now I am not ready to let this story go.**

**Enough of my rambling, let's get back to the story.**

I was lying on my bed when there was a knock on my window. I kept reading, knowing he would come inside anyway.

"Hey," I said, smiling when his scent wrapped around me. I closed my book and sat up to take my Edward in.

He smiled at me and leaned in to kiss me lightly on the lips. It was all we had done so far- no tongues involved yet. He was still letting me set the pace, and for now I was perfectly fine with where we were. I was still afraid he'd leave me one day, so I didn't want to get too close to him yet. I tried to believe that he wasn't going to leave me, but it was just so _hard_ to do.

I did wrap my arms around his neck, enjoying the way his body felt against mine. I felt like we were a puzzle – we only needed to be put together.

When we broke apart, we were both smiling at each other. Edward took me in his arms, just hugging me tightly against his chest.

I sighed contently, happy with where I was now.

Time went by without me noticing it, until the first lights told us dawn was breaking.

"What are you going to to today?" Edward asked me, his nose against my neck.

I sighed, thinking about it all.

I knew I had to do something. I knew I was ready, and it was time to say goodbye. He needed to move on too, to whatever after life was waiting for him.

"Actually, there is something I have to do today. You can come with me, if you want." I decided it was time to let Edward know about my secret power. And about Jacob, too.

"Ehm, sure, I think…" Edward looked at me, hesitating. I smiled at him, showing it was really okay.

"What are you going to do?" He asked me then, still scrutinizing every little change in my expression.

I still smiled at him. "You'll see. Let's go, I don't know how long it will take us and Alice will kill you of you're the only one who gets to spend time with me today," I added the last part laughing, making Edward laugh too.

"I guess so."

We moved out of our position, but I immediately grabbed his hand. I didn't want one millimeter between us, I needed to touch him to make sure he was still there.

I felt him squeeze my hand, and I smiled at that.

--

I took him to the cemetery of Forks, where Jacob was buried, despite the wishes of his family and the pack. I remembered the discussion, as well as how it ended up.

I took a deep breath and sat down. Edward followed me, his eyebrow raised but his expression neutral.

"When you left me," I started my story. "I was broken. Terribly broken – it felt like I had died. Charlie threatened to send me back to Renée; she would take care of me. I didn't want that, still hoping you'd come back I guess, and started to pretend to live again."

"I asked Jessica to go with me to the movies. Then something happened," I gulped, remembering that day very clearly. "It was similar to what almost happened to me in Port Angeles before…"

I saw Edward wince at that, his eyes darkening a bit but he nodded, telling me to go on.

"There were four guys standing there. They did nothing, but to me it looked like they were the same guys as before. I started walking towards them-"

"You did _what_?" Edward interrupted me, exasperated. His eyes were wide and his expression was above surprised; even flabbergasted was an understatement.

I rolled my eyes, smiling.

"I started walking towards them, but then suddenly I heard your voice in my head. It felt like you were protecting me again," I said, looking away. "Then I found out I could remember you more clearly whenever I was in danger. So I started to find the danger: riding motor cycles, cliff jumping, and of course Laurent and Victoria," I added, grimacing.

"You… you… you put yourself in danger just to hear me? To hear my voice in your head?" Edward said, breathless.

"Yes. But despite the fact that I still loved you with every cell of my body, I also started to like Jacob very much. And… after a while, he made clear he wasn't just feeling friendship for me, he felt more." I paused.

"So, after a while, I decided to try things out with him. And it worked for a while. But I knew I wasn't being honest to either of us. I could never really _be_ with Jacob, not without thinking of you. So we stopped it, and I was still in my healing process when Victoria changed me."

"Why are you telling me all of this?" Edward asked me after a moment of silence.

"Because you need to understand my bond with Jacob. I don't think I ever felt more for him than friendship, but I'll always love him in my own way. He healed me when you were gone; he made me come back to my old self, though I was still broken. He made me feel alive again; he was my own personal sun." I couldn't help but smile at the last part.

I felt the presence behind us before it was possible to hear or smell him.

"There is something else I need to tell you. You know about my blocking power, right? Well, I found out I had another power. Don't ask me how, I don't even know it, but I have the ability to connect minds."

"What?" Edward gasped, his eyes wider than I ever thought possible.

"Yes, I have another power. First, I freaked out about it. I didn't even know it was possible to have more than one power, though I think it isn't really like that," I murmured the last part, thinking out loud.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I haven't really used the power, not until lately. I used it once before, with Anna, because it was necessary back then. It drains me; it's pretty exhausting and if I use it too long or too much, I need to hunt again or I'll collapse."

"I've been thinking about the connection between my powers for a while now. I think it has something to do with the block around everyone's mind. You too, have a block around your mind. Your power is not mind reading- it's breaking down the block to open your mind towards them. I have a blocking power, too, but what if I can also break down blocks? For me it works both ways, if I want to take down someone else's block, I need to take down my own too. So I can connect minds, I can talk with someone in our minds, just like we're having a conversation out loud."

"Get to your point, Bella," Edward said, growing impatient.

"Just a minute, Edward, I need you to understand everything before I get to the real point."

He nodded, so I continued.

"When I came back to Forks for the first time, I went to visit Jacob's grave. I have done that before, and I always talk to him. I've always felt like he could hear me somehow. I told him about seeing Alice and Jasper, being freaked out by that because my past came back to bite me."

"When I came back from Paris, I came here too. I told Jake everything about what happened with you and how I felt about it. I really wanted his support, because no matter what, he was always standing right behind me. Even when I made the wrong choices, even when I almost killed myself just to hear your voice."

Suddenly the wind blew the scent towards us, making Edward aware of its presence. He almost jumped up, but he saw my calm smile and tried to relax.

"And then suddenly a wolf appeared. It was not pack-sized, it looked like a normal wolf. Except for the fact that a real wolf would never come close to a vampire, of course. And the way it looked at me… I knew Jacob had found a way."

Edward now stared at the wolf that sat down next to me, and it licked my cheek.

"Jake, I'd prefer you not doing that. Even though it's you, you still smell bad," I added, but I smiled anyway. I patted his head, and it lay down in front of me with its head on my lap.

Edward sat there, frozen. He just looked at the wolf, and then at me.

"Bella?"

"Yes?" I answered, smiling.

"How in the world can you believe that this is real?"

"That is why explained you my power. I can connect my mind with Jake's. I can also connect yours with him, and I could connect Seth, Jake and me. I can probably do it with us, too." I told him.

His eyes widened again, making me smile.

"Can you connect me and Jacob? There's something I need to say to him."

I concentrated on him then, and sighed in relief when our minds connected instantly.

_Don't say anything, Edward. Just think it and I'll hear it. _

Bella, this is amazing.

_I know. Now let me concentrate on Jake for a moment._

I thought, trying to ignore all the other thoughts that went through Edward´s head at the moment. Suddenly, he thought nothing, though I heard a slight humming at the background – his mindreading power.

_Jake?_ I asked, when I felt a third person.

**Yes?**

Jacob Black?

**Yes, Edward?**

Thank you for taking care of Bella.

**I didn't do that for you.**

I know, but I am still grateful. I will never be able to repay you.

**Just make Bella happy. That is enough payment for me. She belongs to you; don't let her go.**

I won't, Jacob. I won't. I'll be there for you as long as she wants me to.

I broke the contact then, breathing heavily. I felt dizzy, though technically that was impossible. But it was the best thing I could compare it with.

I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself. When I felt normal again, except for the thirst, I opened my eyes.

"Bella, you really need to hunt again. Your eyes are almost black again."

I sighed, and nodded. "Not yet, I need to do something first."

I turned to the wolf, looking it straight in its deep brown eyes. I connected our minds for the last time.

**This is our goodbye, isn't it?**

_Yes, Jacob. I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me. Thank you so much. But now it is time for you to move on, to go to the next phase of your life, whatever it may be._

**I will not move on, Bella. I will keep protecting you, forever if I need to. When you don't need that anymore, I'll go away.**

_But what about the wolf? It will not live forever!_

**I will not stay with you through the wolf. I'll be watching you.**

_Thank you, Jacob, but I will be protected now._

**Sure. I love you, Bells. Glad to see you are back.**

_I've never been gone, Jake. Oh, and you aren't going to tell me the secret now we're saying goodbye, are you?_

**Nope. Sorry. Still love you.**

_I know. I love you too, Jake. Just not in the way you always wanted me to._

**I know. Bye, Bells.**

_Bye, Jake._

And then I collapsed.

--

When I opened my eyes, I realized I was lying in my bed.

"What the hell?" I said without thinking. I hadn't been unconscious; that was impossible as a vampire. But I couldn't remember going back to my house either.

"Shh, just stay down. I brought you something," Edward said. I looked what he held in his hand, and immediately my throat started burning uncontrollably.

He handed me the bottle, and I immediately drained it, feeling better.

"Now you are strong enough to hunt for yourself. And I need you to be strong, because Emmett and Rosalie are coming home."

**--**

**Might be an odd place to end it, but I needed it to be this way. I am glad I got the chapter out, though I feel like something's missing/not right. Oh well, I can always change it if needed.**

**Any comments?**


	28. Chapter 27: Happiness

**Chapter 27: ****Happiness**

**This chapter is dedicated to Emma, because I love her too much, and Twilight Princess for making me an awesome Banner! (link is on my profile)**

**I hope I am making you all happy with this!**

While we were hunting, Edward proceeded to tell me a few things.

"Emmett doesn't know about you yet, my family wants me to tell me myself. And I want nothing more than you being there with me, if you don't mind," Edward told me, kissing me softly on the lips.

I smiled. "I'd love to be there with you."

So now here we were, me standing behind Edward, trying to be invisible, while Emmett and Rosalie came out to greet us, followed by the rest of the Cullen family.

Alice was grinning widely – she had seen it all of course. Jasper was smirking; even Carlisle and Esme were holding their laughter.

"Eddie!" Emmett boomed, coming over towards him, before stopping in his tracks.

"Something's changed." It was just a statement, not even a question. I smelled Rosalie's scent; it was getting stronger. She was coming over, too.

"You look… happy. It's something I haven't seen in a while. Does this mean you've found someone?" Rosalie asked in a soft voice. It was friendly, but also curious. It made me smile.

"Yeah, kiddo! Did you find a new mate?" Emmett boomed.

I felt Edward wince at that, and slid my hand in his. He laced his fingers through mine, but I didn't step forward yet, I waited until he would give me the sign.

"Edward, what is going on?" Rosalie urged when Edward didn't answer her.

"Well, I did found someone. But I don't think you understand-"

"Oh, Edward! That's great!" Rosalie said, her voice filled with happiness. I heard her footsteps coming closer and closer, and I felt Edward raise his hand. She stopped walking, probably frozen.

"As I was saying, I don't think you understand the importance of this girl. She means the world to me, and she will not be out of my sight for the rest of my existence, I'll always be close to her so I'll be able to watch her closely."

"Edward, what are you saying? Are you going to introduce the girl to us?" Rosalie asked.

"Yeah, Eddie! It's great to hear you've found someone! Does this mean you're over Bella?"

"Well, I certainly don't hope so," I answered, stepping next to Edward. I looked up, meeting Edward's loving gaze, and we smiled at each other. I stood up to my toes to reach for his lips for a brief kiss.

When I turned towards Emmett and Rosalie, their jaws hang slack and they were staring at me as they had seen a ghost.

I just held Edward's hand tightly, waiting for them to respond to our little joke.

"Rosie, babe, is it just me, or is there a vampire who looks exactly like Bella in front of us?" Emmett almost whispered, obviously very shocked.

"Em, I was thinking the exact same thing," Rosalie answered, her eyes wide in shock.

Finally, Alice started to giggle, causing Carlisle, Esme and Jasper to burst out in laughter while Edward and I grinned at each other.

"BELLA!" Emmett suddenly boomed, lifting me up and swinging me around. I laughed, happy to see Emmett still liked me.

"Nice to have you back in the family, Bells. For a moment I was afraid Edward was truly over you. It would have been good for him, but he'd never be able to replace you!" He said, hugging me tightly.

"Thanks, Em." I said, still grinning like a maniac.

"Hi, Bella. It's good to see you and Edward back together again," Rosalie said to me, coming over to hug me.

I patted her back awkwardly, not sure what to do with the sudden friendliness. Rosalie had always been distant back in the past, and suddenly she was very friendly. I didn't know how to respond to that.

"Thank you, Rosalie. It means a lot to me that you think of me that way," I replied then.

I felt two arms wrap around my waist, and a pair of soft lips against my granite skin. I leaned back, enjoying the feeling of Edward's body against mine.

"My family is finally complete…" Esme's voice was barely a whisper, thick with emotion. I smiled weakly at that, happy that everyone still liked me.

I noticed Jasper shuffling uncomfortably with his feet, not looking at me. I could feel he was feeling guilty, and I felt sorry for him. When he felt the sudden change in my emotions, he looked up at me to see what changed that.

I walked towards him, and put my hands on his shoulders.

"Jasper, I've never been able to tell you this, though I asked Edward to pass this forward to you when it all happened. But Jazz, I've never blamed you for anything that happened in the past. And I think I'd like to say that to all of you, especially to Alice. I'm sorry for how I behaved before, but I think you understand it a little bit," I said, looking to all of them except for Edward.

I turned towards him, and smirked. "Except for you, of course. You will get no apologies from me. "

He raised his hand and put it over his non-beating heart. "I am seriously hurt, my love."

I just smiled at his joking tone. "Nah, just kidding. I know you don't, and I don't need them. We're even now, I think," Edward said, still smiling.

I laughed, and noticed the Cullen family looking shocked at each other.

I felt Edward wrap his arms around me, and I did the same to him. I felt him kiss my hair, while we were both looking at his family.

"What?" I finally asked, while Edward shook his head, smiling.

"Nothing, love. They're a little surprised at seeing me this way, so happy. Especially Emmett and Rose have to get used to this," Edward whispered in my ear.

I smiled back at him. "Well, it's nice to know you are all back in Forks again. I do feel like we're finally complete again. But now you'll have to excuse us, I'd like to do something with Edward."

Emmett wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Ooh, sexy vixen Bella trying to seduce virgin vampire Edward!"

I giggled at that, while Edward growled. I patted his arm comfortingly, and answered.

"Maybe, and maybe not. That's for me to know and for you to never find out," I winked at him.

Now the whole Cullen family, including Edward, was staring at me in shock. Esme and Carlisle were the worst, both looking at me as if I were a stranger. Alice looked slightly shocked, but I also saw a mischievous glint in her eyes. She saw what I was planning. I winked at her, making her smile broadly. Jasper raised his eyebrows at us; feeling our emotions told him something exciting was about to happen.

We were excused, and I grabbed Edward's hand to lead him towards our destination. We started running, not too fast but way faster than a normal human pace.

"Where are we going, love?" Edward asked me softly. He sounded comfortable, but also curious. It made me smile; it was so easy for him to accept surprises.

"You'll see," I answered.

I followed the direction we were headed, and after a while I felt I Edward relax a bit. He recognized the route; he'd probably been here a thousand times before. It felt good to me that this was really our thing. It was our spot, only for us to use it. I'd never told anyone where it was, and I was sure he did either. Alice might know where it was, but I had the feeling she'd never go there because she knew it was our place.

Edward took me in his arms as we lay down on the grass in the middle of our meadow, surrounded by flowers and amazingly enough, the sun.

I sighed contently, snuggling into his body. All my thoughts and worries disappeared when we were lying there very close together. I couldn't even remember why I thought it was impossible for me to be with him before; all I had to do was accept the situation.

I lifted my head, only to lock my eyes with the ones of my angel. He smiled at me, his eyes full of something I couldn't place before.

Suddenly I understood everything; the secret the Cullens and Jake had been hiding from me, the things I tried to make myself understand but was never able to because I would never believe it.

Edward truly loved me. I truly loved him. We were supposed to be together; we both weren't ourselves if we weren't. We couldn't live without each other, just because we were so tied together, both emotionally and physically – god, if I had to live without the touch of my angel for one day I'd try to kill myself.

Everything made sense. The reasons why he followed me through Europe; why we ended up in the same place without knowing it from each other; how it could be easy for me to be around him even though he had hurt me so badly in the past. How I could see through that, see how our lives could be now, how they _would_ be once we lived together; maybe we would get married and live like a married couple, I actually found myself being able to be happy about that.

Being married made me think of other things, and I knew I got a mischievous glint in my eye when I started crawling up Edward's body so I could kiss his lips.

When our lips touched, an electric current shot through me. Instead of ignoring it, I enjoyed the tingling feeling that spread through my body. I put more force behind the kiss, and for the first time in my life; I pushed his lips open to deepen the kiss.

Edward groaned when my tongue touched his, but he responded enthusiastically. Our tongues fought for dominance for a while, neither of us giving in. It was also exploring; we were never able to do this when I was still human, I was way too vulnerable to come near his sharp teeth, and he didn't have the strength to control himself. Now we were touching each other everywhere; exploring each others' body, trying to find out how we felt with each other. We fit together like a puzzle, every body part of me exactly matching his; making my epiphany more real.

The world around us seemed to disappear; all I could see, feel, hear and smell was Edward. His groans every now and then, the way his chest heaved with every breath, the way his hands were roaming over my body, all that mattered was him.

"Edward…" I let out a half-strangled moan, trying to tell him something but all the coherency had disappeared one his lips touched me.

"Yes?" Edward breathed in my ear, his lips still on my neck.

"We… need… to stop… out… of… control…" I gasped when he started sucking on a spot just below my ear.

Edward pulled away, smiling smugly at me. His eyes were sparkling with happiness, but I could also see they were darker than normal – he felt lust too.

"Out of control?" He asked, his voice husky and seductive.

If I had been able to blush, I certainly would have done that, but right now all I could do was look embarrassed.

"Yeah… If we continue, this'll get out of control. And we both want to wait till after marriage, right?"

Edward stiffened beneath me, and looked at me suspiciously.

"Who are you and what have you done with my Bella?"

"She's gone, remember? I am the new Bella, still yours, though," I added, smiling playfully.

"Hm, nice to hear that. And you are right, I want to wait but I can't help but being afraid that you'll run from me again. I want to share this with you, and if you run away, I'll regret not doing this," Edward answered thoughtfully.

"How could I ever leave you? I love you too much for that, and I know you love me too much to let me go, too. There's no reason to be apart, " I said confidentially.

His eyes widened when he realized what I was saying.

He closed his eyes then, and smiled peacefully. "You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you saying this to me."

"I know," was all I could say.

"I am glad to hear you'll marry me one day," he whispered.

"I know. Soon."

As we lay there, with my head on his chest, I knew this was my future.

And I wasn't going to run away from it anymore.

**So, this is what I had in mind for the ending at first, but now I have a different one (not quite as happy, to be honest) so there'll be a few more chapters.**

**For the ones who've read all my stories, they know this is the first time I actually wrote such a fluffy scene. I like Drama better, that's all I can say. **

**Any thoughts? Loved it? Liked it? Hated it?**


	29. Chapter 28: Life Is Great, Or Is It?

**Chapter 28: Life is great****… or is it?**

**Baseball is one of the few American sports I actually understand, so I used it for this chapter. And there's some fluff in there, I hope you all like it.**

After that, things were great. Three weeks passed by, and all I did was hunt with Edward, shop with Alice, and just hang out with the Cullens. Sometimes my friends joined us, but usually it was just the Cullens and me. My friends understood we needed some time to catch up with each other, and they were truly happy to see me reunited with my soulmate. When I was happy, they were happy too.

Rosalie tagged along a few times when Alice and I went away. I didn't have any clue what made her behave this way towards me, but I didn't mind it. She could still be cold and distant sometimes, but she was slowly warming up to me. I asked Edward about it a few times, but he shrugged it off and told me to let it go.

Today was one of my favorite days; there would be bad weather so we were going to the clearing to play baseball. I was really excited about it, I had only seen them play once and now I was actually able to join them.

We ran there, taking the bat and the ball with us, Edward and I racing each other out. Of course, like expected, Edward won, but it was fun none-the-less.

When we arrived, we had to wait for a full minute before the others arrived. We just lay down lazily, not caring about anything else than being in each other's arms. We didn't do anything except for hold each other. For now, that was close enough.

Sometimes, when we were kissing and got caught in the heat of the moment, I cursed myself, and Edward, for making the deal. We would wait until we were married until we actually had sex. It was something we both wanted, but at those moments all I wanted to say was: "Screw marriage, I want you now!" Of course, I never actually said that, and usually I pulled away. Sometimes Edward pulled away but it was something that rarely happened anymore.

It was quite ironic, I thought to myself when we were lying there. When I was human, it was me who always attacked Edward, and he was the one who needed to pull away. And now things were the other way around; I always had to pull away. Sometimes I even thought I heard Edward growl at that, but I wasn't sure. All I knew is that I wanted to get married as soon as possible, but we were afraid to set the date. I was afraid we'd curse ourselves if we did. Edward waited for me to be ready.

Alice kept pushing us to make a decision; she couldn't see our future this way. She made plans already, despite my wishes, but I knew I would end up doing what she wanted anyway so I tried not to make a big deal about it.

The family arrived then, making us sit up. We smiled at each other, and hold hands while we watched Alice set up the bases.

When I was human, I was surprised at the distance between them, but now I could easily see why that was. We could run from first till third base in a matter of five seconds, if no one caught the ball first. I could also see why the pitcher was so far from the catcher; if they were any closer the catcher could get hurt because of the power of the ball.

We quickly made teams; the gifted against the not-gifted. Jasper, Alice, Edward and me against Esme, Carlisle, Emmett and Rosalie. Couples with couples. Jasper wanted the girls against the boys, but we all protested at that; that wasn't fair with Emmett's force and Edward's speed on one team. So we all agreed to do things this way.

I was the first one to hit the ball, and it was surprisingly easy. My vampire mind could easily calculate the speed and time the ball needed to take to come within reach of my bat. And when it was within reach, it took me no time to hit the ball; making it go all the way over the field, disappearing into the forest.

Emmett took off after it, and I ran as fast as I could.

It started to rain, but it didn't matter to us. It was not like we could catch a cold or something; we couldn't even get cold. However, our clothes got sticky and I got annoyed. But, playing baseball was more important than some stupid sticky clothes.

I reached second base before Emmett came back with the ball. Edward grinned widely at me, Alice cheered and Jasper laughed and shook his head.

"Never thought I'd say this to someone from the other team, but Bells, seriously, good job!" Emmett said, laughing. Rosalie smacked his head, but smiled at me so I knew she wasn't really mad.

I just shrugged, and waited for Alice to hit the ball. Esme was pitching, and to keep things honest Edward was catching for them. Alice swung her bat around a few times, before nodding. She had a concentrated expression, almost making me laugh out loud. She smirked at that, knowing what I was about to do, and nodded weakly.

Esme threw the ball, and before Alice could even swing her bat, I was gone, running for third base.

I made it just in time, my foot touching the plate just before Rosalie caught the ball. I smirked at her, and shrugged. Alice had obviously missed, and I had the idea she did that on purpose.

When I looked at her, I knew I was right and stuck out my tongue. I heard people laugh, making me laugh too.

This felt so light, so happy. I couldn't imagine my life being anything different now. There was no danger ahead of us; only happiness and love between a vampire family that could live forever.

Alice hit the ball then, making me sprint. She only got to the first base, before Rosalie returned to the field with the ball in her hand. I high-fived Jasper, hugged Edward, and his place as catcher. It was his turn to hit the ball. I sat down, trying to make myself steady, and nodded at Esme.

After a few rounds we were still even, and the thunder stopped so we called it a night.

Alice had a movie night planned for tonight, but I wasn't eager to join them. All I wanted was to go to my house, spend some time with Edward and talk about the stupid arrangement around our wedding. I really wanted to get married as fast as possible.

I thought if we got married the chance of him leaving me was not that big anymore. He would have to see me at least once more for a divorce, and if I was going to play things hard it could take years to get through it all, and we'd have to see each other much more.

I knew the chance of him leaving was slim to none; I truly believed Edward loved me. I _knew_ he loved me. But I also knew him better than anyone else; if something dangerous would come for me and he would be the cause of that, he'd leave me without a second thought just to keep me safe. Because he loved me enough to keep me alive, even if that life was without him.

Of course, Alice had seen that I wanted to get away, and she told me to give up hope. She wouldn't let me escape now; she was determined to have a family day. So I sat down on the couch next to Edward, my head on his chest, his arm around my shoulders and my feet between his. I was being as close to him as I could get without getting caught up in him. I tried not to concentrate on the feelings he was giving me, but he was giving me a very hard time. His scent, his cold body that felt warm to me now, the way his muscles flexed and relaxed underneath me with every breath, it was just intoxicating.

Jasper smirked at me, obviously feeling the lust that was coming from me as I remembered the heated kiss in the meadow, or on my bed, or on my couch…

I shook my head to clear it, and instead I concentrated on the movie that was playing. But without permission my thoughts went away again, this time to our wedding.

I wanted a small wedding, but I wanted it with everything around it too. I could hardly choose, and knowing Alice, she'd choose for me and she would obviously pick a huge wedding. She'd love to plan that.

But I didn't know if I would be able to handle that. I mean, all I wanted was to get married with Edward as fast as possible, and to be able to do that I had to keep things small. Besides, next to my own coven and of course The Cullen family and their closest friends, I'd rather not have any guests. If I let Alice do what she wanted, she'd probably invite every vampire they knew personally. And knowing that the Cullens, especially Carlisle, traveled a lot in the past gave me shivers. Who knew how many vampires they met.

I tried to relax, and even Jasper's help didn't work. He eyed me warily, not knowing where my sudden stress came from. Edward's head shot up at one of the thoughts of his family, and then looked at me worriedly.

I shrugged, trying to tell him nothing was wrong but he raised his eyebrow and nodded towards Jasper. I rolled my eyes, and shook my head, telling him I was sure that everything was okay.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, I felt a shot of fear. Jasper immediately looked up, and then locked eyes with Edward. His eyes widened, and he tried to pull me closer, but the feeling that something was terribly wrong didn't leave.

I was about to panic when Edward stood up and took me with him. Without explaining it to his family, he took me away from the Cullen mansion. But when we got further, my body started acting on instinct, shying away from what was causing me fear. Every cell of my body was trying to get away from there, and I had no explanation for what was happening to me.

I let my block down for Edward, so he could see my thoughts. He came to an abrupt halt, and looked at me wide eyed. Hearing how terrified I was, made him think again. He ran a hand through his hear, not knowing what to do. I didn't know either, but I knew I wanted to be home, together with Edward. When he heard that, he nodded, and together we ran through the forest towards my house.

I felt something then, and automatically I opened up my mind towards whatever it was. I gasped when I felt the very familiar presence.

_I am so sorry Bella, I tried it all. I couldn't do anything._

Tears welled up in my eyes. I had no idea what was coming, but the voice in my head sounded so sad I knew this was a very very bad thing.

"Bella?" Edward asked me, holding me tightly against his body.

Reacting on instinct again, I pulled him closer and crashed my lips on his. He immediately responded, but he was doing that hesitantly, making me wonder if he recognized the agony and desperation in it. It made me think about the kiss Edward gave me before he left to go after James; it was a kiss that told me he wasn't sure if he'd ever see me again. He give me a kiss like this when he was about to leave me.

I wasn't going to leave him, but I would do anything in my power to protect him. If that meant saying goodbye, then so be it.

Edward pulled back, his eyes wide. I knew he recognized it, and he was about to ask me what was about to happen when I raced into my house.

He followed me, of course, but since I didn't know what was going on I couldn't explain it to him either.

I tried to think about what was about to happen.

_Look at the calendar. The date._

I tried to find one, but since I couldn't find one, I knew I had to ask it.

"What date is it today?"

"It's the 17th of April," he answered immediately, not knowing what was going on. But hearing the date, suddenly everything came back to me. The deal. The promise. The past.

I gasped, and began to sob. Of course I knew what was going on, why all of my instincts screamed at me to leave town. But I knew it wouldn't work out, they would find me anyway. There was no point in hiding.

Edward wrapped his arms around me, trying to find out what was going on but the fear was overpowering me. I didn't know what to do, all I wanted was to protect the ones I loved but now there was no way to do that. Not without getting hurt myself.

I tried to control myself, and it worked surprisingly fast. I gulped, and then looked up, locking eyes with him. I automatically connected myself with him, knowing there would be no way I was going to be able to talk out loud.

**I love you, Edward. No matter what is going to happen, I will always love you.**

I love you too, my Bella. Always have, always will.

**Then please listen to me. I want you to do something for me.**

Anything.

**Do not get in the way. Do not interfere. Don't do anything until I tell you so.**

Before he got the chance to answer, the air around us shifted. Since I knew it was pointless, I finally dropped every single block. Edward gasped when he noticed that, but he didn't have time to respond.

And then the doorbell rang.

--

**I know! Worst cliffie ever! Don't blame me, blame the story. It told me to stop there. Please don't hate me!**

**One chapter and the epilogue left! Almost finished! ^^ I can't tell when I update again, though I hope it'll be soon. I am going to try and find time to wrap this story up.**

**Reviews make me update faster ;) :)**


	30. Chapter 29: Countdown

**Chapter 29: ****Countdown**

I took a deep breath, knowing I was visible to the world again. Every vampire with a power could find me again, and it all didn't matter to me. It didn't matter anymore.

I looked at Edward, not knowing if it would be the last time I was able to. Then, I walked towards the door, already suspecting who was waiting there for me.

I opened the door, and smiled weakly at my visitors. Without greeting them, I walked back in, immediately towards Edward, who was standing there with his mouth open in shock.

I quickly grabbed his hand, trying to make a statement. For me, it was enough. For Edward, it was enough. For the Cullens, it was enough and even for my friends, it was enough.

But would it be enough for these people?

I didn't think about it, I just put up my block again, blocking everyone for Edward. I didn't want him to know what happened yet, I wanted to tell him that myself. Maybe I didn't even get the chance to, but all I knew was that it needed to be told from my point of view.

I squeezed Edward's hand as my biggest nightmare came closer and closer. And I had no idea what to do.

I also realized that Alice and Andrea must have seen what was going to happen by now; they would be on their way with the rest of our families.

But it wouldn't be enough.

I looked up then, raising my head, standing as a princess who was about to claim her throne. I was trying to come across as calm, collected and powerful, but since the only thing I felt was panic and fear I was afraid they were seeing right through me.

"Hello, my dear Isabella," my nightmare said.

"Hello, Aro," I answered, shaking slightly. Edward felt that and frowned, but didn't say a word.

"I didn't expect to see you here, as you probably know." He had a friendly smile on his face, but it was fake. I knew what kind of thoughts were behind the mask.

"Yes. I see you brought some people with you," I said, pointing out to Demetri, Jane, Alec, Eleazar and a few others who were there. They were all standing there, guarding the King of the Vampires.

"Yes. I see you are alone," Aro answered.

Edward growled in frustration, looking at me and then at Aro. Of course he understood what was going on; I'd showed him many times. He didn't know what was happening, and I could only imagine how frustrating that must be for him.

Suddenly, his eyes widened, and he grinned. I noticed why, and smiled.

"They aren't alone, Aro," Alice said, coming in. Anna was right behind her, together with the rest of the Cullens and my friends.

Anna came over quickly, touching my arm with wide eyes. I tried to tell her to stay out of this without words, but she didn't understand. I had to send her a mental message.

_No matter what you do, stay out of this. Please. Promise me._

Instead of answering, she nodded, but frowned a little. Then she went to the others, and told them what I told her, but in a very low voice; even I couldn't hear it. I just knew she did.

Aro was watching it all while the Cullens came towards us, guarding us protectively. We had more, but they were stronger. Of course I could block their powers, but they were stronger physically as well. They were trained to fight, unlike my coven and me. I didn't know about the Cullens, but I knew they had _some_ experience. They had killed James, after all.

"Well, well, well," Aro said, his smirk slightly fading. "Are you in for a fight?"

"No," I immediately responded, before someone else could say anything. I felt everyone behind me tense, obviously thinking something different.

"I do not want to fight. I know why you are here, and you can see there is no reason to. It's nice to see you again, but I'd like you to leave now."

Aro stepped forward, and I knew what his intention was, but it made everyone behind me hiss in anger and frustration. I looked back and shook my head slightly, telling them not to worry and not to interfere.

I held out my left hand, only to show him what he wanted to see. He nodded when he saw my empty finger, and I dropped my left hand. Instead, I raised my right hand for him to grab it. He raised his eyebrow.

"I can't read your mind," Aro said, shaking his head slightly.

I shrugged. "You can if I let you. You need to know."

I heard Edward hiss angrily at that, and I knew I needed to let him know what was going on but he had to wait a bit longer.

Aro hesitated, probably thinking it was some kind of trap, but I stood still while he was thinking about it. I heard my friends and family behind me, mumbling some incoherent things, getting anxious.

Finally Aro raised his hand and briefly touched mine. I dropped my block for him, letting him in for the first time during my vampire life.

I winced at some of the memories, as he was going through them all. All my human memories, all my vampire memories, everything. He could see the pain I went through, see my trip through Europe, see my thoughts about the deal we made so long ago, and also how Edward and I got together again.

When he finally let go of my hand, he gasped. He had gotten so much information, and he shook his head to process it all.

"Isabella… my, my, my. You've been through a lot, I see."

I shrugged again. "It was more than worth it," I answered, holding out my left hand to Edward, who was standing within my reach. He touched my hand, trying to comfort me, but I pulled away again.

Aro saw the exchange, and nodded slightly, smiling.

"I am afraid, my dear Isabella, that you didn't keep your side of the deal. I have every right to claim what is mine," he said then, making me gasp.

Jasper gasped too, feeling my sudden panic. It made Alice worry, I knew that, and I knew Edward knew about it because of his own power.

"No," I growled, getting angry. "I let you into my mind to show you that is not true. You know that is not true."

"Ah, but we can have different opinions about that," Aro replied, smirking evilly. I growled again.

"Okay, what the fuck are you talking about?!" Emmett suddenly said, startling me for a moment.

I took a deep breath, knowing this was what everyone wanted to know. I heard people shuffle behind me, getting uneasy with the silence.

"You didn't tell them?" Aro asked then, amusement clear in his voice. Of course, he already knew the answer to that, but he couldn't help himself.

"No, I didn't. Just like your guard has no idea why they are here, right?"

Aro nodded. "True, true. All part of the deal."

"What kind of deal? Bella, what is he talking about?" Edward spoke up for the first time, touching my shoulder briefly.

I stepped away from him, wincing slightly when I saw hurt in his eyes.

"Ehm… Okay, first of all, Edward, if I had known the date, I would have told you this before and we could have prevented this visit from Aro. But I kind of lost track of time while catching up with you guys…" My voice cracked, but I forced myself to go on.

"Exactly fifty years ago, I was in Italy because I heard Edward would be there. We happened to stumble across the Volturi, and we stayed with them for a while to learn things about them. And then Edward showed up, totally surprising me by his request to kill him."

Edward froze, his expression confused, but Anna nodded slightly, knowing what happened. She didn't know about the deal, though. I never told anyone about it.

"I was the one who begged Aro not to kill him, and Aro agreed. I should be sorry for that, but I would be lying if I told you so," I said, smiling sadly.

"So Edward left again, and before I got the chance to follow him to wherever he was going, I knew I needed to talk to Aro first."

Anna gasped. "That was why you told me you wanted to be alone for a moment! You left our room to go and find Aro!"

She shook her head, muttering things like "Could have prevented this," and "This is all my fault".

I narrowed my eyes at her.

"No. Anna, you can't go there, really. Anyhow, I went to Aro, knowing I had to ask him another favor."

Aro smiled, obviously amusing himself; seeing my discomfort made him happy. I felt Jasper trying to calm me down, but it didn't help a thing.

"I knew Edward really wanted to die, and I also knew Aro didn't have any problem with killing him. So I made a deal. If Edward and I wouldn't be together after fifty years, he was allowed to grant Edward his wish, and then he had to come and find me to kill me too."

Everyone gasped, not only the Cullens and my friends, but also the guards.

"I wanted to have enough time to find Edward and try to convince him to love me again. I didn't know if it would work out back then, and I knew I didn't want to live without him, so if I hadn't succeeded after fifty years, I knew my life wouldn't be worth it. And since Edward really wanted to die, I had the feeling that wouldn't change after fifty years. Unless I could change his mind."

"So we made that deal, and to me it sounded reasonable. And I can't say I am sorry for doing that, if Aro keeps his side of the deal. He would leave us alone if we were together, and since we are, there is no reason for him to be here."

I looked at Aro with narrowed eyes, and I didn't trust him at all. I knew how he worked, he'd try anything to get out of his side of the deal.

"Bella..." Edward whispered, shocked. Then he pulled me into a tight hug.

"You know, if we hadn't been together, I'd actually be grateful for that deal." Edward told me, smiling sadly. "But right now, I am not so sure."

I nodded, agreeing with him.

"Hm, we seem to have a problem right here. We obviously disagree on a very important matter."

"I don't see any problem here, really. I kept my part of the deal, so now you have to keep yours."

My voice was cold and flat, my body tensed with anger and frustration.

Could he let it go already?

"Ah, but my dear Isabella, this could be fake. The touching, the sweet things, everything could be fake."

I raised my eyebrow. "You think my memories are fake?"

He was silent.

"I am sticking to my point; your left hand is empty. That tells me enough."

"No, it doesn't. Two people being together is more than just a ring on their finger, it is a bond that is unexplainable. It goes much deeper than just a stupid ring. If I had a ring on my finger, you'd still try to find a way out of your part of the deal. That is not how this works, Aro. We made a deal!" I said firmly, trying not to sound desperate.

He was silent again, thinking about it. In the mean time, I tried to figure a way out of this. I tried to find out what was happening by intruding the minds of his guard.

And then I saw it. I gasped, and immediately made my decision.

I jumped forward, heading for Demetri, and ignored the high-pitched scream together with the voice I didn't want to hear.

"NO, BELLA!" Alice screeched.

"BELLA!" Edward yelled.

And then everything turned black.

"_You never know how much time you have..." Melanie Stryder, The Host._

**I said the last cliffie was the worst one, but I know this one beats it :) Sorry, it was just the best place to stop. **

**After this, there's only the epilogue! Before everyone is going to ask me; I am not going to tell you what happened yet. You'll find out in the Epilogue :)**

**Please don't kill me! * hides under her bed ***


	31. Epilogue: The End

**Epilogue: The End**

**Don't stop reading after the first few paragraphs. You have to read this till the end; you've been reading the whole story now. Don't stop reading because there is something in here you don't like.**

**That is all I am going to say for now. Full A/N at the bottom.**

I was floating in the blackness for an unknown amount of time. All I knew was that I wanted to protect the ones I loved, and I struggled to get back to keep up my shield. But after a while I lost everything and I knew it was useless.

When I opened my eyes, everything was different. I wasn't in my house anymore; it seemed that I was in the middle of nowhere. All I saw was this strange kind of mist. It felt like I was floating somewhere, but I had no idea where I was. Or maybe I did.

_Wow. That was fast. I didn't even feel anything._

I winced at my last memory. Killing Demetri was justified, in my opinion, seeing as he was going to kill Edward first and then head for Alice and Anna. I wasn't going to stand by and let that happen, so I decided to take my fate in my own hands to protect the ones I loved.

I truly hoped they didn't do anything stupid. I gave my life for them, and I knew they knew that. What else could I have done? I _had_ to save them. There was no way I couldn't do that.

Then I noticed my appearance. Instead of the dark jeans with a red tank top I was wearing earlier, I was now wearing a long, white dress. My head was hanging loosely around my shoulders, but that was not the most important thing I noticed.

I had soft, warm hands again. I had a heartbeat, and a pulse. I was human again. Or at least, it felt that way. I had no idea where I was; all I knew was that I wasn't alive anymore. I knew that I would die as soon as I headed towards Demetri. It was a good thing I had learned how to fight, I killed Demetri so fast there was no way someone could have stopped me.

Whoops. Suddenly something came up into my mind. I had set Demetri on fire, but I didn't get the time to watch it.

My house. And of course, my family. Did they get hurt because of what I did?

I sighed deeply, surprised at the strange feeling of needing air. It had been a long time since I felt this human, and it felt weird to have warm blood rush through my body. It also felt like someone cut my senses off. Instead of them being heightened, as they were when I changed into a vampire, they were now dimmed, like someone turned off the volume knob of the television, or took away your glasses so you were half blind. I felt like I was blind and deaf, after all those years being used to my new senses.

I growled in frustration, not having the power to suppress the sudden emotions that washed over me. Desperation. Anxiety. Fear. Sadness. Anger. Love. All because of my friends and family who were still there, on earth, while I was here, wherever this was. It couldn't be heaven. Then there had to be a God somewhere around here. Besides, I felt like I didn't deserve to be in heaven after killing someone, no matter how justified it was to me. I had the feeling God didn't think that way. Either you're a good person or a bad one; there was nothing in between. Hell or Heaven.

But this was nothing like I imagined. Was this some kind of passage to the life after this? Would I see other humans here? Would my friends and family end up here someday? Should I wait for them, or should I move on?

The more questions I asked myself, the more that came up. What if I did any of those options? How would they feel about that?

I sank to my knees and started to cry. I couldn't take it anymore. I cried for the loss of my life, losing my happily ever after with Edward just because some crazy old vampire wanted one of us to die. I cried for the stupid deal I had made, just to try and grant Edward his wish. Back then, it all seemed so logical, but now… I just felt stupid for even thinking about that deal. See where it got me. I was finally back together with Edward again, and now that was all gone.

I cried and I cried, also relieved somehow that I could finally cry for real. After all those years of dry sobbing I could finally let the tears flow freely. It all came out then, every single tear that had been building up for the past few weeks, or months even. I cried uncontrollably for quite some time. I lost track of time, quickly getting caught up by all my emotions, the anger, the love; everything overwhelmed me. My vampire mind had been able to process it all, but now I felt like my body was too small to hold all the emotions.

I tried to control myself again, but all I did was gasp like a goldfish, the emotions cutting through me and causing physical pain. It was nothing like the pain I felt before, when Edward had left me. I just died back then. Now I felt more alive than ever, after all the happy emotions I had been experiencing lately, so all the bad emotions cut through me as if I was being stabbed by a knife multiple times.

I cried and cried, and kept crying. And then, finally, they slowed down, and I could regain control over my own body. I quickly checked the dress, knowing it should be dirty by now, but it was still white, not a single spot on it.

Where was I?

I was trying to think about it, but my mind just couldn't wrap around it. I tried to find out if there were shapes around me, but all I could see was some strange mist floating around, blocking my view from the ground too. There wasn't darkness; the only dark thing I could find was my own shadow. And yet, I couldn't find the source of light. I couldn't understand this. It just didn't make sense.

I wanted to go down, like Jacob had. I wanted to see how they were doing, and if my family and friends were okay. After that, I would be able to move on. There was no point in waiting for them, seeing as they lived forever. I would have to wonder around this emptiness forever, and that didn't sound appealing to me.

But how to get there?

I started pacing, just walking around without watching where I was going, and tried to think about a way to let them know I was okay, too. Wherever I was, it was peaceful. I would be fine, even though there was one person I'd miss for my entire existence… no matter how short, strange, long or sad it would be. I needed them to know that, I knew they would be able to move on if they knew I was safe, if I was fine. Edward would surely miss me, but he would have to move on for his family. He'd understand I did it for them, for him and for me. Because a world without Edward just didn't make sense to me. He would understand that. He had to.

I suddenly stopped, because I heard something, and it wasn't my imagination. I was too wrapped up in my thoughts to start imagining things.

I turned around, slowly, afraid to startle whatever company I had. Even if it were just an animal, any company would be welcome. I didn't look forward to being alone; no matter where I was I didn't want to be alone anymore.

I tried to find the place where I heard the sound, but I couldn't. Then, I heard the sound again. It sounded like gasping; it was unfamiliar and yet it sounded like I knew that sound.

Now I could walk towards the sound, knowing somehow where it was. I slowly walked towards it, and then I stopped mid-step, frozen.

Because I never expected to see this. There was Edward, but it wasn't the Edward I knew. He had his eyes closed, his skin not as white as I remembered. He had a slight blush on his cheek, almost making me laugh. It was so _cute. _Now I understood why he always loved to watch me blushing.

My instinct told me that this was human Edward, just like I was. It was my Edward, and yet, it wasn't. His hair was still tousled, but now it wasn't as bronze as it was before. It was browner, a slightly more normal color. I could still see that it had been the bronze colour, but that could also be my imagination. I just wanted to see my Edward here, so much that I was afraid that I was making it all up, just because my emotions took control. But my eyes trailed down his body, his white button up and white pants both hanging loosely around his body. I must have imagined it, I was sure of it. He was too perfect, even as a human he was like a God, like Adonis himself.

But then he opened his eyes, and I knew I couldn't imagine him. There was no way I could make up the colour of his eyes. They were so beautiful, I gasped out loud. The emerald eyes immediately searched for mine, and found them in an instant. His eyes widened, and we stood there for a moment, just looking at each other. His eyes roamed over my body then, checking me out, and looking at me as if he needed to be sure I was really there.

I didn't know who reached out for whom first, but suddenly we were standing with our arms around each other, our warm bodies touching from head till toe. I was breathing in his scent, which was the same but stronger, mixed with human scents. He was doing the same, his nose in my hair, and then I felt the tears fall.

"Edward, Edward, Edward," I whispered in his chest, just trying to be as close as possible. I knew I should be sad that he was damned to whatever fate was waiting for us, but I couldn't find any sadness. There was relief; I was just happy to be together with him and not having to face this alone.

I heard him whispering my name in my hair as well, and I realized I could hear his heartbeat. I smiled at that, closing my eyes and just enjoying the moment. We were dead anyway; there was no reason to hurry forward.

"What happened?" I asked then, looking into his emerald eyes. I found myself being dazzled by them, almost more than with his topaz coloured eyes. He didn't say anything for a while, just staring into my brown eyes.

Then he sighed, frowning a bit.

"You killed Demetri, and you have to tell me about that later, and immediately Jane went after you. But even when she… destroyed your body," he said, wincing visibly, but continuing with a slightly pained voice. "Your block remained. I have no idea how that happened. We were protected from Jane and Alec's power. Of course, by then Alice had flipped and went after Alec, while I was going for Jane. Emmett kicked out your friends; I knew you wouldn't want them to get hurt. In the mean time, Jasper did something too, I believe, but then everything turned black for me."

I tried to process what he was saying. He killed himself to gain revenge.

"Why did you do that? That was suicide!" I scoffed at him.

"Bella, you are such a fool! I told you before, I can't live in a world where you don't exist. I really meant that. When you got killed, all I knew was that I had to follow you as soon as possible," He said, pulling me close again.

"I did that to protect you. Demetri was going to kill you, Alice and Anna. I had to prevent that from happening!" I said, stepping back. I was getting angry.

"If it had been the other way around, what would you have done?" He said calmly, stroking my cheekbone with his thumb.

I thought about that for a moment, and I could understand what he was saying. I would have done the same. I closed my eyes, and nodded.

I heard him sigh, and I sighed too. I opened my eyes again; to afraid he'd disappear if I didn't look at him.

I smiled then, remembering something else. I looked up in his eyes again, and stepped closer again. I stood on my toes, trying to reach up for his lips. He understood what I wanted and bent a little, catching my lips with his own.

We kissed for quite some time, no tongues involved, but just some sweet kissing. I also knew that there were no boundaries. We were dead anyway. There was no 'till death do us part' left so there was no reason to wait. I did realize that we were somewhere I didn't know. People could arrive any moment. So our lips stayed locked for quite some time, until I heard sounds behind me.

I turned around, still holding onto Edward, and my eyes widened as I gasped in surprise.

The Cullen family was complete. Here, in this strange place, we were all together.

"But… what… how?" I asked, too surprised to form any other question.

"You didn't think we'd let you be the heroes, did you?" Emmett said, grinning widely. I was surprised to see he wasn't as big as usual, though he was still bigger than any average guy. He still had huge muscles; compared to normal humans, at least. Under his arm was Rosalie, grinning lazily with her arm around Emmett's waist. She was still beautiful, but it wasn't inhuman anymore. She was still the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, with dark blue eyes that sparkled. She smiled at me, hugging me when they reached us.

Behind them were Alice and Jasper, holding hands and looking at each other with loving gazes. I was surprised to see Jasper had blue eyes, too, but they were very light. There was no way to describe them, but the love for Alice hadn't faded.

Alice's eyes were gray, surprising me. Other than that, and being less pale they were no different than normal.

And of course, Carlisle and Esme were there. They were human too. I was surprised to see that despite their eye colours – some sort of blue/gray colour for Carlisle and a light shade of brown for Esme – they were no different either. They were all wearing the same clothes Edward and I were wearing; it was probably the clothes everyone around here wore. It surprised me Alice hadn't been whining about it yet. Maybe that was because it was pretty stylish.

I looked at my family, surprised they were all here. If they were here, they were dead. But they couldn't possibly…

"How did you get here? What happened after Edward…left?" I couldn't make myself to say the words out loud.

"Ah, of course we avenged you. We outnumbered them even after you two… left," Carlisle said. "So we were about to win when more guards came up. Aro had about ten guards with them. He knew we would never let him do what you wanted him to, so he took the strongest of his guards. While we distracted the guard, Jasper went to Aro. And then I was gone, too."

Esme nodded. "So was I, it was the last thing I could see."

"I was gone way before that! What did I miss? How many did you kill?" Alice said, jumping around. She didn't sound sad at all, she just sounded like she always did; cheerful en excited.

"I killed Aro and one of his guards before I was gone. How many did you kill?"

"YOU KILLED ARO?!" I screeched, eyes wide in surprise.

"Yes. There was no way I could not do that." Jasper answered, shrugging.

"But…but… didn't he fight back? I mean, he is thousands of years old, and yet you, a single vampire that lived for a few hundred years, killed him?" I said, gasping in surprise.

"Oh yeah, he did fight back. But after the little fires everywhere, it was easy to push him into one, and then ripping his head off," Jasper answered nonchalantly. He behaved like it was nothing special, while I was gaping at him.

I shook my head. "I can't believe this."

"Guys, why didn't you just run for your lives? I mean, I knew what I was going to do. Protect Edward, Alice and Anna from getting killed by Demetri, but you… plain suicide! How could you after I gave my life for you all?" I asked a bit angry.

"Bella, Edward was right after you, and we are not going to stand there and let our family members get killed. You are really stupid if you believe that. And yes, maybe in a way it was suicide. But I would do it again in a heartbeat!" Alice grinned at me.

"We love you too, Bella. You are part of our family," Esme said, hugging me tightly. It was a bit awkward though, because Edward was still holding me, too. But when she let go, she smiled widely.

"Why aren't you sad? You do know we are dead, right?" I asked them then, surprised to see every one of them nodding, with smiles on their faces.

I sighed. I didn't understand it at all. Or… in one way, I did. We were dead, but we were together. And even though I knew Anna would miss me terribly, she was like my sister, but this… this was my family, and I was happy that we were all into this.

"Hm… where are we, actually? I've been trying to figure that out, but so far I haven't got any clue. All I know is that it can't be hell and it can't be heaven…"

"I like to believe this is afterlife," Carlisle said, looking around thoughtfully.

Rosalie snorted. "Afterlife… sure. Then why are we here in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to be seen within… well, many miles? I mean, I always imagined afterlife to be a bit different."

I nodded. "I agree with you, but Rose… If it isn't afterlife, then what can it be? Why are we human again, and why are we together? I am wondering how we can continue to the next step, though. I can't see any light we need to move forward to."

"I don't think there is the light. We are here now, maybe this has a reason." Esme said, also looking around.

Emmett kissed Rosalie. "As long as I've got my Rosie here with me, I'll be happy."

Edward looked at me, and kissed the knuckles of the hand he was holding.

"Me, too." He said, his emerald eyes boring into mine. I couldn't stop the feeling that spread through me, and I kissed him on the lips. Very briefly, I knew if I went further things would get out of hand. I had my human hormones again, and they were controlling me. I remembered that from my human life.

"How are you feeling?" I asked them then, wondering if being human felt as strange to me as it did to them.

"Like… someone turned off the sound. Or made me blind. I am not used to being so senseless anymore. I am glad I don't have to feel your emotions anymore, though. That is one thing I won't miss," Jasper answered.

"Same goes for me with my mind reading," Edward said, stroking my right arm with his hand. He was standing right behind me; I could feel his body heat. "It's nice to have a quiet mind again. Though, of course, if I was around Bella and no one else, I had a quiet mind."

"I don't know. I'll miss my power to connect minds," I said, thinking out loud.

Every Cullen except for Edward gasped.

"You could do that? And you had a block? That is so unfair! I didn't get any power!" Rosalie whined.

"I disagree. You got your beauty," I pointed out. "But yeah, I could do all those things. And in the end, they were quite helpful. I was able to do things I wouldn't have been able without my powers."

Edward wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against his body. I closed my eyes, resting my head against his chest. It still felt good; it still felt like we were made for each other. Even though we were both soft and warm again, our bodies still fit together perfectly, like the pieces of a puzzle. I was glad that hadn't changed yet.

"Now you are human again, can you say you missed it while you were vampires? I mean being human, including all the weaknesses and everything. Would you rather have died back then, or are you happy with the way things turned out now?" I voiced my thought, curious about all of their opinions.

They all seemed to think about that for a moment. Edward was the first to answer, surprisingly after only a few seconds.

"I wouldn't want to change my past for anything in the world. If Carlisle hadn't changed me, I would have died in 1918 and I would never have met you. You mean more to me than anything in the world, so yes. I am happy with the way things turned out."

Carlisle's eyes began to tear up, and I smiled at that. I wasn't used to see the Cullens like this, so human and normal.

Carlisle was the next to answer. "If I could have changed things… well, I am not sure. Don't look at me that way, I love all of you, but I can't help but wonder how my life would have been if that vampire hadn't bitten me…" he trailed off, and we waited for him to continue, to think about that.

His eyes were distant for a moment, lost in his thoughts. "Well, in the end I can say I am happy with the way things turned out. I have a lovely family, full of handsome and beautiful people. I don't think I could have done better as a human."

Esme nodded. "I am very happy Carlisle changed me. If he hadn't, I wouldn't have found my soulmate, and I would have died in pain. And now I have six children I wouldn't change for the world," she said. I felt tears burning behind my eyes, awed that she counted me as one of her children too.

"I am not so sure. Really, Em, I love you, but my humanity… it meant the world to me. I think I would have changed my past if I had been able to. Carlisle, I'm not saying I am blaming you for changing me; after all, it gave me Emmett, but still. I think would have stayed human if I had gotten the chance."

"And then you would have died," Emmett growled. "Never giving me the chance to meet you. That is pretty selfish, don't you think?"

Rosalie shrugged at that, making Emmett narrow his eyes a bit. He seemed to think about it for a moment, and then he sighed, letting it go.

"I wouldn't want to change my past. It brought me to the best people alive, and I can't feel sad about that." He said then.

"I can't remember my human life; all I know is that I am very happy with Jasper and I wouldn't want my life to be any other way," Alice said. Short, and yet it was all that needed to be said.

"I agree. I am happy to be a vampire, just to have a chance to be with Alice. Though, if I could change some things, I'd love to change what happened before I ever met Alice."

The Cullens all nodded in understanding, but I raised my eyebrow. Jasper quickly told me the story of his past with Maria, and after that with Peter and Charlotte. I nodded too, then, understanding it as well.

"And what about you?" Edward asked me then, squeezing my waist gently.

"I honestly don't know. I was human when I met you. If you had been able to turn into a human for me, I think you would have done that immediately, and I would have lived a happy life with you. But, since you weren't able to do that, I was the one who had to change. I am not sorry for that. However, I am sorry for the fifty years we've lost just because I gave up on you."

"Which also brings me to my next point; I am terribly sorry for forgetting the date. And I think if I would have known the date, things didn't have to be this way, we ending up here, wherever this is. We'd still have an eternity together." I pouted a bit at the loss of that fantasy of mine, _an eternity with Edward_.

"We're all together, what more do you want?" Jasper said, smiling a bit. I shrugged at that.

"Well, I'd like to know how to move on from here. I don't mind being here with you, but it seems to be a bit boring to me." I looked at my family. It was great this way, but it wasn't enough. I also wanted some alone time with Edward…

"And I'd like some privacy," Emmett added, wiggling his eyebrows at Rosalie. She smacked the back of his head, making him pout and rub over it gently. We all laughed at that, but I could understand what they meant. It was my thought exactly.

When I looked up at Edward's emerald eyes, I could see they were forced on my face. And of course, I could see what he was telling me. He was thinking the exact same thing.

I leaned into him again, but now turned around so I could wrap my arms around his torso. He did the same to me, holding me tightly against his body. He kissed the top of my head, making me smile.

"What do we do now?" Edward asked then.

"I don't know. Carlisle, do you have any idea where we might be?" Esme asked, eying her husband carefully.

"It might be strange to hear this from me, but no, I honestly have no idea. Like Bella said, this isn't heaven and it isn't hell either. It goes against everything I've believed all my life."

We were all silent after that. We just looked at each other, waiting for someone to do something. When that didn't happen, I sighed.

I felt my legs getting tired, but I was afraid to sit down. The mist was still there, and I didn't want to risk them losing sight of me and me of them. I shifted from foot to foot, but I felt my legs falling asleep slowly.

"It's quite annoying to be human again. I could stand for hours and I would never get tired of that. But my legs are starting to fall asleep right now; a feeling I haven't felt in years. It feels a bit strange," I admitted then, trying to break the silence.

They all laughed, and nodded. They felt the same way.

I sighed then, followed by Alice.

"I really would like to get out of here," Rosalie said, sighing too.

"You know, Alice, you surprised me! I haven't heard you about our clothes yet!" I said, grinning at her. Edward's arms tightened around me, and bent over.

"You really look like an angel in this dress," he whispered in my ear.

I smiled at him, turning it in a smirk as I whispered in his ear, "You look _hot_ in those clothes."

I heard him gulp, and I laughed. I turned around a bit, and saw that his cheeks were slightly pink. I wanted to laugh at that, but I was speechless. It was so _cute_!

It was good to know I had such an effect on him. He had that effect on me too, and it was nice to know we were even now. I could definitely use that, as he did with me so many times.

"Well, that is because I actually like the dress! I don't know, it looks good on everyone. It makes Rosalie look hot, even though a lot is covered, and it makes me look cute, like a doll, and you, Bella… You are like an angel," Alice said, grinning at me.

I rolled my eyes, but I felt my cheeks burn. And yes, I was blushing again. It was such a long time ago I did that, that I felt ashamed of it. I wasn't used to feeling so embarrassed anymore. And of course, that only fueled my blush, making my face feel as if it was as red as a tomato.

"You look so cute when you're blushing! Ah, that is something I definitely missed," Edward said.

"Same goes for you! Now I understand why you always love to watch me blush," I retorted. Of course, this made him blush too, making me giggle.

The others laughed at our exchange, and then started talking amongst themselves. I turned towards Edward, now fully facing him, and smiled widely. He smiled too, and leaned in to kiss my lips.

I received them eagerly, kissing him back, standing on my toes to have more control. Edward pulled me tighter against him, lifting me up a bit to give me better access. I took advantage of that, kissing him more wildly than before, nibbling on his bottom lip. He groaned softly, only audible for my ears. Then he took my bottom lip in his mouth, sucking gently on it. I was about to open my mouth, when I heard someone cough behind me.

I pulled away, blushing furiously. Edward's cheeks were a tiny bit red as well, but he shrugged and pulled me into a hug. I hid my face in his chest, afraid to watch the expressions of the others.

"And this is why it is a good idea to have some privacy," Emmett pointed out. The others laughed, but I couldn't. There wasn't anything funny here, I knew we needed privacy because I always got so wrapped up in Edward, like we lived in our own little world, forgetting everything else around us.

"Yeah, I would love that too," I murmured softly. I knew the others couldn't hear it, but I knew Edward did because I heard his laughed rumble in his chest.

I sighed, and turned around a bit so I could look at the others. They were looking at me in a funny, way, so I went back to hiding in Edward's chest. And, of course, smelling his scent. It was strange how that didn't change to me. It was still intoxicating, still making his presence comforting and calming.

I opened my eyes, peeking under Edward's arm, and gasped.

I stepped back from Edward, my eyes focused on what I saw behind him.

"Bella?" Edward asked me, looking at me with his worrying emerald eyes. I didn't look at him, though. I was still looking at what was behind him, afraid that if I'd blink he'd disappear. I wondered how he could be there without any of us noticing him. He had made no sound; there was no sign of him appearing. I was afraid I was making it all up. I never knew for sure in this strange place.

Edward slowly turned around, and then I finally found my voice back.

"Jacob?"

He was there, in all his glory, still looking the same as he did the last time I saw him. His once so long hair had been cut short right before he died, he had this slight scruff from not shaving for a few days- exactly like I remembered.

"Hey there," he said, grinning lazily.

I was frozen in place for a moment, not sure if I would be able to move. I felt the others step closer to me, probably afraid that Jake would do something to me. If there was one thing I knew for sure, it was that he would never do anything to me. Not after all the good things he had done for me. Yet I couldn't make myself to move. I just kept staring at my ex-husband, best friend, and moral support.

"Aren't you going to come over and hug me?" Jake said then, teasing me.

I blinked to make sure he hadn't disappeared yet, and then I jumped forward, wrapping my arms around him.

"Jake!" I said, laughing.

"I was afraid you turned into a statue. You were frozen, Bells. Hey, you're warm now! You're back to human!" He pointed out then, stepping back to look at me.

"And you aren't hot anymore, just normal. And you don't smell anymore," I said, shaking my head, laughing.

I then turned back to Edward, smiling brightly.

"And since you two aren't mortal enemies anymore, you can act normal towards each other!"

Jake shrugged, but smiled at Edward. He smiled back, but not as brightly as Jake did. He was still my sun, but Edward was my life and that was way more important. I walked back towards him, and wrapped my arms around him, nuzzling his chest. He laughed, and pushed me away slightly.

"Edward, are you ticklish?" I asked, laughing at the fear in Edward's eyes.

"It's good to see you so happy, Bells. I haven't seen that in years," he said.

I rolled my eyes, but hugged Edward tighter. He returned it, and smiled too.

"I am happy to hear that. I think I can say the same for myself," he said, while his family nodded.

"Why are you here, Jacob?" Alice asked then. There was nothing unfriendly about the question, something I was afraid of, but only curiosity.

"I am here to lead you forward," he answered simply, serenity coming from him.

I raised my eyebrow at that. Leading us forward? What did he mean by that?

"So there is something more after this? What is this, do you know that, too?" Rosalie asked, voicing my own questions.

"Yes, there is more. I don't know what this is; all I can think of is that this is the place to stay to wait for the people you love. I can't give it a name, I can't give it a function. I don't know that much about it."

"How long have you been here?" Esme asked.

"Long," he grinned then, and it made me shiver. Was he waiting for me?

"Yes, Bella, I was waiting for you," he answered, making me raise my eyebrow. Could he read my mind?

"And no, I can't read your mind. I always thought that was your lover's power," he grinned again. "It's just that your thoughts are clearly written on your face."

I sighed. I hated that people could read me like an open book.

"Why were you waiting for me?" I said then, irritation still clear in my voice.

"Because you need someone who loved you – no matter what way – to guide you forward. Since your parents are gone for a long time, and so are your grandparents and friends, I was the only one left for the job. Besides, I wouldn't have been able to watch over you if I had moved on."

"Thanks, I guess." I said, wrinkling my nose. I wasn't sure if I was feeling comfortable with that.

"So you waited all that time, just to guide me further? You do realize I would have never moved on without Edward, right? I would have waited for an eternity," I said. I felt Edward pull me tighter against him, not saying anything.

"I know. But at least you would have had some company. But things didn't turn out that way, so let's talk about something else."

"What's after this?" I asked then.

"I don't know. I haven't been there yet. If you go there, you can't go back. I needed a way to protect you, so I never moved on. I do know your parents and all of your family members are waiting there for you," he said, not saying it just to me but to all of us.

I shook my head in annoyance, but I knew I could do nothing but accept it. It was not like there was something I could do about it.

"Are you all ready to move on?" He asked us then.

We looked at each other, asking silently if we actually were ready. When each one of us nodded at that, I smiled.

"We're ready."

And with that, Jacob led us towards whatever fate was waiting for us. It didn't matter what kind of fate it was, because we were all together. One big happy family together forever, just like I always wanted. Just not in the way it was expected.

**The End.**

**--**

**Did that satisfy you? I surely hope so, because this is the longest chapter I have ever written. Way over 6200 words, while my record was 5700. And it's 3 times the size a normal chapter. Not bad, right? The words kept coming, kept coming… I just didn't know how to get Jake back in! It was the hardest thing I have ever done…**

**I hope you are all happy with the ending. I know I surely am!**

**Yes, I killed Bella. Yes, I killed the Cullens. But they are still together, right? That makes it a happy ending to me, it's just not the way all the other authors do it. I hope you liked this, and I hope you enjoyed the story. I grew as a writer while writing this story, got better in explaining things and making you all sit on the edge of your seats :)**

**So, this chapter is dedicated to Emma (dinwoodie x/Emma x), who's supported me even though I still don't know why! Thanks, girl!**

**And to Lindsey (Bronzehairedgirl620) because she beta'd the whole story and didn't even get credits for that. So here they are. Sorry for all the trouble I got you (and give you) by sending a lot of chapters at once. Thanks for putting up with me :) **

**And to Kirsty (Vampiregirl15), even though she doesn't really deserve it. Just because you're putting up with me, too, I guess.**

**And of course, to all of my readers who left me reviews! I always love to read them, and I wouldn't have written this much lately with all of the crazy response I got at TTS and later in here. Thanks, everyone!**

**BellaEdwardlover1991.**


	32. AN Requests

**So, I was thinking about many things after I put up the last chapter. ****First of all, I was scared because of what people would think about my ending; I feared getting flames and bad reviews.**

**Result: only positive ones, happy ones and ones that were sad. And each and every one of them made me terribly happy! I am so happy you enjoyed my story, especially since it isn't like any other stories out there.**

**And because of all the reactions, I want to reward you. I was thinking about writing the whole story in EPOV, but that's just too much work and I don't like to repeat myself over and over again. So that's why I am going to answer to requests.**

**Is there a particular scene you wanted to see from EPOV? Tell me and I write it. Something else, like an Esme or Alice POV? I'll do it. I will post it under Run For You Love Outtakes Other POV. As soon as I've done that, I'll put another message in here to let everyone know I've started. (And if you have me on author alert you'll know it immediately).**

**Of course, I need to have requests about it. There are a few rules, though.**

**No Lemons. In my story, Bella says they want to wait till marriage, and I am going to keep myself to that. **

**I am not going to write scenes past the ending of this story.**

**Anything else is allowed.**

**The second rule is very important to me, because I already feel like I've crossed a few lines with my ending. There are many people out there who believe in God, Allah or others. With the ending I already felt like I was pushing the lines, so I am not going to write anything post the world I created for my story. So that's why.**

**So, requests? I'll be waiting for them!**


	33. AN Extra's are up!

**The ones who have me on Author Alert probably saw it earlier, but I posted the first part of the Run For Your Love extra's! **

**So… go check it out if you're interested!**

**BellaEdwardlover1991.**


	34. Nomination

**Run For Your Love has been nominated for the Indie Twific Awards in two categories! Voting starts today, and I'd say there are a lot of great stories up there.  
**

**Two of my other stories (Love, Hate and Friendship renewed and The Secret Life Of Bella Swan) have been nominated as well, and I'd like to thank the person (or people) who nominated me!**

**You can find the link to the site on my profile!**

**BellaEdwardlover1991**


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